The other day I read a terrific column by Gregory Hardy on CBSSports.com about an idea for Will Ferrell's next movie, a farce about a juiced up pitcher named "Astro Arm." It got me thinking, with the All-Star Game coming up, what would be my all-time starting lineup of baseball movies?
Let the fur fly.
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I am not including a couple of great movies, for different reasons. Damn Yankees (1958), starring Tab Hunter, is about Joe, the Washington Senators fanatic who sells his soul to become the Senators phenom who'll beat the damn Yankees. It's a wonderful story, it's also a musical. I just can't have a song and dance fest on my baseball list.
I'm also not including Fever Pitch (2005), the popular comedy about the Red Sox (my childhood team), starring Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon. I love the premise, that Lindsay (Barrymore) must also understand her boyfriend's love of the game, especially his devotion to carmine hose (that's the term for the Red Sox we threw around as kids and thought we were cool).
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My problem is that my other team is Arsenal of the English Premier League, and Nick Hornby wrote the most wickedly funny memoir about his 24-year obsession with football (soccer to those who just discovered that USA beat Spain last week). The book is called Fever Pitch -- Arsenal is to the Red Sox what Manchester United is to the Yankees. It's about a soccer pitch, not a flamethrower. Both the movie and the book are great, I just don't like the juxtaposition.
So here's my lineup. Cue The Star-Spangled Banner.
1) Bull Durham (1988) -- The most honest portrayal of minor league baseball, with three sexy stars (Kevin Costner, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins) who have romance in and out of the game. And since the movie was written by Ron Shelton, who spent five years in the minor league, it rings true. Remember when Crash Davis (Costner) gave his speech on what he believes in and Annie Savoy (Sarandon) answered, "Well I believe in the Church of Baseball"? Perfect.
2) Field of Dreams (1989) -- Costner teamed up with James Earl Jones this time, and, along with Ray Liotta, made a cornfield and a corny movie come to life, but you have to be a soulless cynic not to be moved by it. Iowa farmer Ray Kinsella (Costner) builds a ballpark in his backyard so Shoeless Joe Jackson (Liotta) and his White Sox teammates can apologize for throwing the 1919 World Series. A great movie about redemption.
3) Pride of the Yankees (1942) -- Gary Cooper stars as Lou Gehrig, the "Iron Horse" who played 2,130 consecutive games before dying of ALS at the age of 37 and giving the most famous speech in baseball history. Touching and true (even Babe Ruth makes an appearance), the only problem is that Gehrig delivered his "luckiest man" speech better than Cooper.
4) Bingo Long and the Traveling All-Stars and Motor Kings (1976) -- I know this movie won't get much love, but give it a chance. Billy Dee Williams, James Earl Jones and Richard Pryor play barnstormers from the Negro League who roar through the Midwest in the 1930s and, based on true facts, show how much racism and hardship these athletes faced just to play the game they loved. It's also hilarious.
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5) The Natural (1984) -- This movie would be higher for me, but it's too sentimental without enough irony. Roy Hobbs has too much going for him (DiMaggio's swing and Robert Redford's looks, plus Glenn Close as Iris, who tells him, "I believe we have two lives -- the one we learn with and the one we live with after that."). Hobbs shapes the perfect bat out of a branch that got hit by lightning, for heaven's sake! Robert Duvall is perfect as the sports reporter who wants to get to the bottom of the myth. Taken as a fable, though, the movie is thoroughly captivating.
6) Bang the Drum Slowly (1973) -- It's kind of a Brian's Song for baseball, but it was the first baseball movie of its kind. Michael Moriarty is the New York pitcher named Henry Wigged and Robert DeNiro is Bruce Pearson, the popular dying catcher. Although he's just an average player, Pearson makes an enormous impact in his final days. It's a touching story about friendship and the loyalty of teammates.
7) Major League (1989) -- Funny, funny, funny. How much funnier can you get than Charlie Sheen and Wesley Snipes, who are supposed to play badly for the Cleveland Indians so a former exotic dancer turned owner of the Cleveland Indians can move her team to Florida? Who cares if it's cliché, it's a riot and the actors look like they can actually play the game.
8) The Bad News Bears (1976) -- Walter Matthau is the drunken ex-ballplayer who's forced to coach a bunch of foul-mouthed misfits, the worst team in California Little League. As Morris Buttermaker, he teaches the kids how to play, while also teaching them how to swear and drink beer. As the star pitcher, Tatum O'Neal is pure comedy, and the team chemistry makes it a winner.
9) A League of Their Own (1992) -- During World War II, when the men were at battle, Charles Comiskey thought he'd try a women's league. Tom Hanks plays the grumpy manager of the Peaches ("there's no crying in baseball") and Madonna is the gum-chewing heroine who slides into third. Rosie O'Donnell doesn't offend in this movie, and Geena Davis is credible as a very good athlete.
That's my all-star lineup and I'm sure I left out some movies that will make me cringe to have forgotten them. But, hey, I'm the manager here. Pass the ballot.
