Chasin' the Devil: If you can't beat Saban at football, try dancing
Forget football. Maybe the only way to beat Nick Saban is on the dance floor. We rate the coaches with the best moves in a dance contest Saban wouldn't dare enter.
God bless team Instagram accounts.
And Mike Gundy.
And whatever his flailing arms do when he captivates through the majesty of seal-like interpretive dance.
Middle-aged coaches are dancing. Like, all the time. It's a little disturbing in the best possible way.
This must be examined. This week's 'Chasin' the Devil' is here to tackle this hard-hitting piece of investigative journalism.
Since two-a-days, team cameras have caught at least six high-profile coaches showing their overbite in the locker room or on the practice field. These moves do not qualify as something passable in any nightclub. But is there anything better than the impromptu coach shake-down? The answer is a resounding no.
This week's Chasin' the Devil highlights the only way to unseat Nick Saban -- with a dance contest that Saban would never enter.
|The Chase is on...|
|Coach: Jerry Kill, Minnesota
Dance: Oatmeal in a Cup
Components: Pushing a walker, heading down the street for groceries.
Comment: Kill gets bonus points for sneaking into the player's circle. He sprung the moves when no one expected it. And he got low, which is Ying-Yang-Twins approved. Once he got going, though, he didn't have a counter. This was like Seth Rogen's dice move in Knocked Up -- it's all he's got.
Devil score: 9.0
|Coach: Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State
Dance: Drunken' Wizard
Components: Back brace, B-boy meets arthritic rhino.
Comment: Gundy's lean-back move is ambitious, but he can't seem to keep his balance. His 2011 performance was a little cleaner (or spastic). He loses two points for that. Otherwise, this was an inspired effort from a 46-year-old. The inevitable next-day knee pain garnered bonus points with judges because it clearly shows he cares about this competition.
Devil score: 8.0
|Coach: Paul Chryst, Pittsburgh
Dance: Stanky-Legged Panther
Components: Frat-boy stumble, an unflinching desire for Mardi Gras beads
Comment: This is promising, but Chryst only gave a two-second taste. We need to see more. Not sure where he is going with the fists in the air, but this dance works at just about any wedding or Bar Mitzvah.
Devil score: 7.0
|Coach: James Franklin, Vanderbilt
Dance: Vandy Signs Carlton Banks to a Full-Ride Scholarship
Components: Watch Fresh Prince, simulate Carlton dance, rinse, repeat.
Comment: Franklin loses a few points for lack of imagination (everyone knows the Carlton dance), but his execution is solid. Nice, clean arm swings. Not an over-production. Poor form would have cost him the USC job. High stakes here, folks.
Devil score: 6.5
|Coach: Rich Rodriguez, Arizona
Dance: Constipated Robot
Components: Slight movement of arms and shoulders while rest of body is idle
Comment: Rodriguez has more beast in his cage. He's holding out. He was born in Chicago. You don't get out of Chicago without at least some version of a two-step memorized. Judges demand another performance. Maybe there was too much build-up. It's always easier for the coach to unleash when he sneaks into a circle.
Devil score: 5.5
|Coach: Frank Beamer, Virginia Tech
Dance: Euro-Flub-Step (HOKIE! HOKIE! HOKIE!)
Components: Pouty face, reaction to eight-foot par putt on 18 at the local muni after skipping work on a Tuesday
Comment: So this is what Beamer Ball meant all along. It's a chicken dance, if that chicken was on an elliptical machine while trying to eat a plate of chicken wings. Yeah, it's time for all of us to go home.
Devil score: 4.0
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