Pumps among best at what they do -- whatever that is

LOS ANGELES -- Richard Pachulski was breezing through his acceptance speech, cracking jokes like a man performing a routine at the Laugh Factory. Far as bazillionaire lawyers go, I can't say I've encountered a funnier one, and judging by the reaction, it's doubtful many of the hundreds in attendance at the Harold Pump Foundation Celebrity Dinner had either.

The topic was serious: cancer.

But Pachulski's approach was sarcastic, and he must've used a dozen one-liners to clown the men honoring him -- David and Dana Pump, aka the Pump Brothers -- about everything from their connections to ticket brokers to summer basketball to college coaching searches. In a matter of 15 minutes, Pachulski, in a good-natured way, turned the hosts of the event into blushing cartoon characters, and it was an image reinforced by the Pump Brothers bobblehead sitting on the lectern at the Beverly Hilton.

Man, was that thing hilarious. Pachulski referenced it repeatedly.

But in between verbal jabs, he made a nice point, too.

"I've known David and Dana for years," Pachulski said. "And though I still don't know what they do, I know they are the best at it."

In the middle of everything

If you read this site regularly you are probably familiar with the Pump Brothers, an Adidas-backed pair of twins from California considered among the most powerful people in college basketball, and not always so fondly. They have been written about and ripped for perceived conflicts of interests within the sport, and their names sometimes garner a strong roll of the eyes and firm shake of the head that implies they're always up to something.

I won't deny that claim. Neither will they, for the most part.

But speaking as someone who witnessed in person the Pumps' golf outing/charity dinner/coaches clinic late last week, I feel comfortable professing Pachulski was on the mark with the above quote. Because though we can quibble about what the Pumps do and how they go about it, there is no disputing they are indeed the best at what they do, guys capable of producing a mind-blowing event that would leave even skeptics impressed and overwhelmed.

Are they as wholesome as they think? Probably not.

Are they as evil as they're detractors think? Probably not.

Best I can tell, the truth about the Pumps lies somewhere in the middle.

Which is fitting, actually, because it is the middle where they live and prosper.