Louisville fans hate me.
Kentucky fans hate me more.
It's as if I'm responsible for their underachieving teams.
Anyway, here's the latest Dear Gary, the pre-Christmas edition.
From: Doug
You are a real piece of garbage for writing what you did in the Final thought of the Friday Look Ahead about Derrick Caracter. Yeah, he screwed up. But damn, how could you go that far to embarrass him like that? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Let me get this straight: Rick Pitino has basically spent two years describing Caracter as fat and a "failure" at life. Meantime, I wrote that he urinates in Gatorade bottles. And I'm the bad guy? Really?
From: Parker
What you wrote about Derrick Caracter is not professional journalism. Even if it is true, that is not something that you spread. As of now, all you have done is spread a rumor that is likely untrue without providing any actual intellectual information related to basketball. Why don't you write an article about Patrick Patterson's booger feast? That seems like it would be right up your alley.
First, what I wrote about Caracter is true. Why would I make it up? And just so you know, I have about five more stories from the Derrick-Caracter-is-a-total-headache-to-everybody-around-him category just ready to go. So when he faces another suspension, I'll bring out another, and we can do this until his career is over. Should be good times. As for writing about Patrick Patterson's booger feast, you must not know who you're dealing with here, because I've already written about it twice -- in my mailbag from two weeks ago and again in my mailbag from last week. So yeah, it is right up my alley. I admittedly have a strange alley.
From: Chris
I've seen writers of all types make careless errors and place inappropriate material for the public to read, but writing that a kid urinates in Gatorade bottles is about as immature a piece of writing as I'll ever see. You're an immature a--hole who needs to grow up. Karma is a killer. Hopefully one day someone will embarrass your children in a public setting with their sources. By the way, if you're that desperate for sources you're a failure at journalism. Actually, I think that's a given. And if this is your morals as a writer, your kids must be very screwed up if this is what they have to look up to.
I only have one kid. He's awesome and perfectly willing to urinate in a Gatorade bottle, too. Or outside. Or in the bathtub. Or anywhere, really. So in many ways he's exactly like Caracter. Except he's 4 years old and much, much shorter.
From: Dane
Was your first gambling experience on the original Nintendo's Legend of Zelda?
I cannot recall gambling on Legend of Zelda (though completing the game for the first time is one of the joys of my life, even to this day). Most of my early gambling was on Tecmo Bowl and this game called Baseball Stars. Did you play Baseball Stars? It was excellent, particularly for 1989. And what I used to do to the Lovely Ladies on a consistent basis, man, I can't even talk about it.
From: Dwayne
you must be on crack its way to early for projections like you made all you writer think you know something but your all lost in your own minds not as smart as you think some teams you all pick normally hit the tolit in mid to late january so wait a month then make your PROJECTIONS you may have a better veiw by then.
The guy who sent that e-mail is telling me I'm not as smart as I think I am. Wow. And though that might be true, I'm certainly not as dumb as him, wouldn't you agree?
From: Jeff P.
OK, you're right. You're a genius for picking Nebraska over Oregon in the Friday Look Ahead. ... But riddle me this: If it's an upset, why did Oregon move UP in the polls and why isn't Nebraska at least in the others receiving votes category?
Thanks for recognizing my genius, Jeff. But I have no idea where you're seeing that Oregon moved up in the polls after the loss to Nebraska.
From: Jeff P. (two minutes later)
Nevermind! I was looking at an old poll. Which is why I'm dumber than I think.
Glad we got that cleared up.
From: Mark
What would it take for the Fordham Rams to reach the NCAA Tournament record-wise? We're a bit underachieving, but we'll show up late in the season.
You'd better just show up for the Atlantic 10 Tournament and try to win the thing. Otherwise, there seems to be no real chance given how the record is at 5-4 heading into the weekend with no good victories to offset a 24-point loss to Missouri, 17-point loss to Syracuse and single-digit losses to Robert Morris and College of Charleston. So good luck in March. And with the way Xavier, Rhode Island and Dayton have looked early, you're probably going to need it.
From:Mike
Just how much pull do you have with your corporate overlords? Is there any way that you can convince them that Gus Johnson needs to be doing college basketball games every weekend on CBS, especially the last two weekends of the year. Seriously, who is better than Gus? I'd watch two teams from a YMCA men's over-50 league play if Gus was calling the game. Could you please start the campaign for this? Pretty please, with a windmill dunk on top?
You know, Gus Johnson might be the only broadcaster in sports who everybody seems to love. It's universal, and I think the overlords, as you call them, probably understand as much.
From: Jeff
First off, where are you getting your information (in the Monday Look Back) that UK fans have turned on Billy Gillispie? I think that is an unfair assessment of UK fans. Are you a frequent Lexington visitor? ... I do not appreciate your short-sided write-up, where it is apparent you are playing to stereotypes and assumptions about UK fans. We are passionate, not disloyal.
Oh, Jeff, who are you kidding? I love you guys, but there is no denying that you are certifiably insane when it comes to your basketball program and borderline suicidal about the start of this season. I mean, they can make as many rules for the UK message board as they want. But I contend that if everything was pleasant over there you wouldn't have to have rules telling fans to "respect" the coaches, and you damn sure wouldn't have to post a reminder telling fans to respect the coaches while pointing out that the "level of conversation and lack of respect on this particular forum have reached unacceptable levels in recent days." So please, Jeff, don't pretend I live in your make-believe world. Many UK fans are indeed turning on Gillispie, just like I said. Many UK fans are crazy to an unhealthy degree, just like I've said many times. And just so we're clear, I enjoy it immensely because it brings passionate and insane e-mails my way with great regularity. For instance ...
From: Crazy Kentucky fan
That was the worst report ever. OK, UAB was without its best player. UK was without two of its best. WTF? Then you made the comments about losing to more Conference USA teams in four days than Memphis did the past two seasons. If you really think Ashley Judd or any UK fan would not set foot back in Rupp because we are going through a rebuilding year, you're f---ing crazy. You obviously don't know anything about the passion and love for basketball UK fans have. You act like you enjoyed putting this great program down like many other journalists who don't know what the f--- they are talking about. I guess when you are the best people like to kick you while you're down. Oh yeah, this was posted on CatsPause.com so every crazy UK fan has seen this. Good luck next time you're in Lexington, A--HOLE!
Yep, Kentucky fans. Crazy as ever.
