CBSSports.com National Columnist

Hate Mail: Newton 'news' brings the overreactions

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Updated Nov. 11

The Cam Newton story raised some eyebrows. The Mike Shanahan story raised a few more. But let's start with some old friends from North Carolina, who think the Tar Heels' success on the field sops up all that slop off it.

This isn't Hate Mail. It's Hate Mail for Idiots.

From: Heels 27511

North Carolina just beat Florida State. How you like North Carolina football now?

I like North Carolina football as much as I can like a program with rampant academic cheating, agent issues and a former recruiting coordinator who was doubling as an agent's runner. Which is to say, I hate North Carolina football.

From: Mike in Carrboro

Want to rethink that doomsday scenario of the Tar Heels?

Nope. I want to accelerate it. Something stinks in those football offices, and the smell didn't leave with John Blake.

From: SCA

You want to write another article on UNC now?

Great idea. I think I will. Stay tuned.

From: Vamsi

Thanks for bringing some stats to light in the Donovan McNabb-Rex Grossman story, but for the most part it seemed like you were biased against Mike Shanahan.

For the most part? I called him a "mean-spirited nepotistic little moron." I'm pretty sure I was biased against Shanahan all the way.

From: Beck

Probably the worst article I've ever seen. Hit the panic button much? You must be an old Bears fan to hold so much angst toward Sexy Rexy. The guy is a quality QB. In his one full season as a starter due to injuries he had 23 TDs and led the league with games of a passer rating over 100 at seven.

That same season he had games where his passer rating was 36.8, 23.7, 10.2, 1.3 and 0.0. When he's good, he's good. But when he's bad? He's the worst quarterback in NFL history.

From: Mike

I have been horribly disappointed in recent hate mails. The writers seemed to have wimped out.

Wait a minute. Just last week, e-mailers wished "nut cancer" and AIDS upon me. What more do you want? On second thought, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

From: Ian

I'm still laughing about the Few Good Men reference from Dennis in the latest Hate Mail. And I'm pretty sure that dude who gave you the subtle threat -- "Carl Jung" -- either was too scared to give his real name or ... nah, I think we rest assured he gave a fake name. Intimidating people to the point they can't give their real name? Priceless.

I promise you he wrote that e-mail, hit "send" and then patted himself on the back for days about his toughness. You can't teach intelligence.

From: Jensen Gray

Are you serious with that Cam Newton story? "Where there's smoke there's fire" -- that ain't a saying for nothing.

Brilliant. If you're ever on trial, and I'm on the jury, you're guilty. Period. Because where there's smoke, well, there's fire. It ain't a saying for nothing, you idiot.

From: Tim in Mississippi

Take your blue-and-orange glasses off. It's journalists like you that give journalism a bad name. You need to quit your job and find something else to do for a living. You are a wannabe.

A wannabe ... what? A wannabe Mississippi State fan? No thank you. Cowbells are for hicks and losers. Which one are you?

From: Will

Tell me you aren't all over Urban Meyer because he spurned some interview years back. Tell me you actually train somewhere to fight, and not just try to look like you do.

No. Yes.

From: Dean Schell

Amen, Gregg! My opinion of sports journalists had tanked. But you have given me hope.

I'm the hope not just for journalism, but for all of America. I've always said so.

From: Jordan A.

Something I've been wondering about for a while -- you were all-state at first base in 1987, so why did you move to center field in 1988? Why not go for consecutive years as all-state at first? Were you just helping the team? Showing your versatility? Please explain.

Both, I guess. A sophomore that year named Bart Hendley was ready to play first. I was versatile enough to play center. Love the question. Please come back.

From: Dave

Gregg, to the credit of the reader last week who called you a racist, he was probably just making an educated guess. I mean, you are uncannily, faithfully idiotic in every other way. It only makes sense that you, in your Samurai-esque dedication to stupidity, would unflaggingly and single-mindedly speed like an arrow to the target of the utterly insipid. Let's face it, you'd take those odds in a Brooklyn backroom with your bottom dollar.

Hahahahaha well done.

From: Jeff M.

Just wanted you to know that I love you. That's it. Just some macho man-on-man lovin'. Nothing bad. Nothing sexual. Nothing inappropriate. Just some lovin'.

I envision you with a hairy back. I'm going to stop envisioning now.

From: Mike

Saw your blast of New York City last week, but $2,200 a month doesn't get you a one-bedroom apartment in the city. It gets you a studio apartment. Check your facts!

In all seriousness, why would anyone with ANY other option choose to live there? I'll visit there and enjoy it, but then again, I also visit my bathroom. And enjoy it.

From: Thomas Burns

Since you brought it up in Hate Mail, I feel compelled to contrast the sewer smells of NYC with those of the French Quarter in New Orleans. In NYC, you walk over a subway grate and the whoosh of air suddenly forces the smell of stale urine and decaying feces up your nose. Ah, but the French Quarter, where you can wander back to your hotel at 5 a.m. and discover the delicate intermingling of stale and fresh urine in the gutter. Not forcing itself upon you, rather it wafts up to you slowly, like the first jasmine blossoms of spring and with a southern drawl politely asks if it offends. Thus allowing you to move to the middle of the street if you desire. Both great cities, both sometimes smell like piss.

And this is why you're a legend. Around these parts. Well, to me. You're a legend to me, T.B.


Gregg Doyel is a columnist for CBSSports.com. He covered the ACC for the Charlotte Observer, the Marlins for the Miami Herald, and Brooksville (Fla.) Hernando for the Tampa Tribune. He was 4-0 (3 KO's!) as an amateur boxer, and volunteers for the ALS Association. Follow Gregg Doyel on Twitter.
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