This was shaping up as a slow week for Hate Mail, and I was OK with that. It's the holidays! Maybe this would be the day Hate Mail ran low, coasting into 2011 on the fumes of stuff I'd written weeks ago.
Then on Tuesday I ripped the UConn women's basketball team.
Let's just say, Hate Mail won't be coasting this week.
What an idiot, Doyel. If you don't like women's basketball, ignore it. What shallow talent pool do you speak of? There's a shallow pool all right, and it's your gene pool.
On Monday night alone, in a slow week for college basketball, there were nine women's games with a victory margin of at least 35 points. That includes scores of 95-38, 75-36, 94-43 and 82-40. I'll keep on ignoring your favorite sport while you continue to ignore the truth -- that your favorite sport sucks.
I don't think you're a sexist pig, but I do think you're being unfair to women's sports. I played back when we didn't get anything but hand-me-down basketballs, and we were considered second class. I think you saying women's sports take away from wrestling is a little sexist, but then you're a man and never had to fight for the things women have.
Right. My life, and the life of all men -- all people, male or female -- in the year 2010 is just so damn easy. Money grows on trees in my backyard.
From: Ann Miller
You wrote, "None of this is good for women's basketball, which I admit to not caring a whole lot about." Then don't write about it. With that sentence you reveal your lack of credibility on the topic.
Wrong. With that sentence I maintain my credibility by being brutally honest. If my column was so damn powerful that it scared you, I'm sorry. Actually, no I'm not. Let's try that again: If my column was so damn powerful that it scared you, I'm ... damn good at my job.
From: Lucy Angliker
... and the nicest thing we can do is ignore YOU, you blithering misogynistic idiot!
Sure. That's what people do when someone comes along and blows up their little world. Go right ahead, ignore me. But you'll never forget what I wrote. And a part of you will always know I was right.
I've been a loyal Twitter follower, but after reading your article about the UConn streak, all I can do is shake my head. You don't get it and you never will. You applaud UCLA for dominating competition with All-Americans sitting on the bench, yet you jeer UConn for doing the same thing?
You have impeccable taste in Twitter, but work on your reading comprehension, huh? I didn't applaud UCLA in that story. I called UCLA a bunch of cheaters.
From: Rick Gillette
I'm surprised you can't appreciate the excellence of UConn. Simply because the winning streak appeared easy doesn't mean it has been. By ignoring them, you are doing a tremendous disservice to the UConn team, coaches and all women athletes in general. You should be ashamed of yourself.
I am ashamed. I feel unworthy of the UConn women's basketball program. Guess I'll crawl back into my hole and stay far, far away
from those front-runners.
From: Andrew, the first time
Good call on the Miami Heat. You might want to wait a couple months before you write off a team after nine games.
I wrote that Heat story on Nov. 11. In the six weeks since, you wrote me exactly zero e-mails to tell me I was wrong. Instead, you waited for the Heat to finally get hot before telling me I had it wrong. So let me tell you something, Andrew: My risky story, even if it was incorrect, was more charming than your hindsight game of gotcha.
From: Andrew, the second time
Sadly, you are right about Kirby Hocutt though. He's lost.
There you go! Now you're being bold and writing before all the facts are in. You're being like me, Andrew, and I can tell you this: I'm more charming than you are. If I were you, I'd try to be like me more often.
From: Hoggy Breath
The look on your face makes me think you recently sat on a rhino's snout.
Are you saying I look pained? Or enraptured? I'm confused. I updated my bio, though.
From: Craig Snow
Thank you for acknowledging that not all Arkansas fans are the wacko stereotype!
Thank you for not calling yourself "Hoggy Breath."
From: Bart Lutterbachs
Rex Ryan eats breakfast 3,000 miles from 4,000 Cubans who could care less what he's doing. So don't think for one second you can come down here flash a badge, write a column, and scare him!
Hate Mail has never seen a bad reference to A Few Good Men. Well done, my man. Unfortunately, your name is an anagram for "battle thru crabs."
From: THE Brian in Pittsburgh
Instead of playing the blame game in regards to the New York Jets staff and who ordered the code red, I think we should embrace their methods and install a Lumberjack Match Rule. If a player is unfortunate enough to go out of bounds on the other team's sideline, the opposition should be able to form a circle around that player and pummel him for 30 seconds before throwing his crumpled body back into the field. Do you think this would work? I'll stop typing and wait for your answer.
Didn't Rex Ryan's father, Buddy, do that once to Kevin Gilbride?
From: John Miller
I just saw that the great Bob Feller died. No, he didn't have an hour-long show to announce it. However, he did serve as a gunner on the USS Alabama in World War II. If Rex Ryan had been on the other side, poor Bob wouldn't have made it out of the war.
In just a few sentences you took mean-spirited, absolutely inappropriately shots at LeBron James and Rex Ryan. Who do you think you are ... me?
From: Philip D. Key
Just a line to tell you what an a--hole you really are, cheese d-ck.
You can't say those words here, so I inserted some dashes. But it almost looks like you're calling me a cheese duck, and that can't be right. Wish I could remember what you really wrote. I'm good at anagrams, but I always sucked at Hangman.
You're such a douchebag! Could you hate on Tim Tebow, Urban Meyer and the Gators any more than you already do? Have you ever even played football? I bet it was marching band and 12-sided dice for you in high school, wasn't it?
From: Joe G.
If you seriously consider Urban Meyer one of the greatest coaches in college history, you are an idiot. Just because he has won two national championships, he is not one of the best ever. Joe Paterno, Bo Schembechler, Bear Bryant, Woody Hayes, Bobby Bowden and Eddie Robinson are on the list of greatest coaches ever.
Fine. Great names, all of them. But Meyer won two national titles, went undefeated once at Utah and even won big at Bowling Green. He's clearly one of the most talented football coaches in NCAA history, but if it's all the same to you, I'd prefer we stop this conversation now. That last dude, Darren, had the right idea when he asked me if I could hate on Meyer any more than I already do.
From: Wisconsin Gator
I think you need to work on your conspire theory somewhere else. The coaching transition will be just fine. If you watched Will Muschamp's introduction, you know he's his own man and won't have any trouble telling Urban Meyer to back off.
Sure, I can see Muschamp telling Meyer to back off. And then I see Meyer staying right where he is, and smirking smugly at Muschamp. But that's probably just because I can't hate on Meyer more than I already do.
While I agree that Urban should probably get out of the way, it's worked out pretty well at Wisconsin for Bret Bielema with Barry Alvarez as the AD. By the way, when are you going to write a book already? Think of the book tours. They would be epic.
I've already written two books, neither of them good, and I don't do book tours. Book tours are for self-important blowhards who would never publish their own Hate Mail because of their
Boston insecurity. Plus book tours are for people who have written books that don't suck.
From: Ron Nolan
What you said about Les Miles was not very nice. It's Christmas, so why insult a person with what you said? From Revelations 22:6, "Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile; let him who is right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy." Now which description do you think fits yourself?
Don't know, don't care. I've read that book many, many times. These days I prefer Jonathan Franzen.
From: Jason Ellis
Really, all I want is the honor of having you anagramming my name. However, I fear the only way to get the Doyel treatment is to insult you so ... I hate you Gregg Doyel for that column you wrote back then -- it was mean!
Oddly enough, your name is an anagram for "A Jolliness." Happy Holidays to you, and to all.