Once wasn't enough for UConn fans. They tore into me a few weeks back after I gently yawned at their basketball team's winning streak. But like I said, once wasn't enough. They came back this week, and they came back harder.
They told me I hate women. That I hate my own mother. All because I yawned at a bullying basketball team's winning streak.
Idiots. I don't hate women. Or my mom. I just hate you, UConn fans. This ain't called Not Really Hate Mail, you know.
You are an A--HOLE for your comments on the UConn women's winning streak. They accomplished something no team has ever done. Get a life D---HEAD! And that's from the bottom of my heart ... Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, huh? Your e-mail reminds me of the immortal words of Clark Griswold, who said, and I quote, "Merry Christmas, kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass, Happy Hanukkah."
From: Kevin Jamack
The more I thought about your UConn article, I came to a few conclusions. (1) You don't have daughters. If you did you never would have penned such a woman-hating piece of drivel. (2) You must hate your mom. I've spent eight years watching my girls play basketball. See, I don't need to watch men play basketball to feel more like a man. You're not half the man of the fathers I've sat in the stands with for almost a decade watching our girls.
You were right about one thing, but only one thing: I have sons, not daughters. Turns out my testosterone is so strong, I could've had 100 kids -- and would've had 100 sons. I didn't bother to prove it because, really, who needs 100 sons? Two's plenty. Believe me.
From: Graham Murphy
First and foremost, you are sexist and that was proved by your comments about Title IX. Your entire article proves just how sexist you are. I'd take it a step further and call you a misogynist. You clearly hate women.
That last guy sounded like he had a small male organ. But you, well, you just sound like you have a small brain.
From: Cody W.
Why don't you have the fact that you were all-state in baseball and soccer twice on your bio? You're selling yourself short, Doyel.
No, I'm just humble enough to know that nobody else cares. But I care, so get it right: I was all-state twice (1987, '88) in baseball, not soccer. All-state in soccer only once (1986). Which is still once more than most folks, I say humbly.
Don't know. Haven't met him myself, but I hear he was terrific in baseball and soccer.
From: John Nestico
When Geno started coaching UConn, he wasn't getting high school All-Americans. He built the program by motivating a bunch of young women to strive for perfection. That is what Geno is all about. From this column of yours, I have no idea what you're all about, except being a sexist. Congratulations on your great achievement.
Oh, I guess you heard about my all-state prowess -- thank you! But remember, it was twice in baseball. Only once in soccer.
From: Donnie Morrison
Your article -- "Turmoil in Denver hurts Tebow the most" -- was written on Dec. 9. Since then Tebow has started three games, and done quite well. Do you still feel the same, or do you still feel that your comments in this article are valid?
I'm not sure I feel the same, but I'm positive my comments were valid. How that's possible, I have no idea. But I'm the guy who would've had 100 sons out of 100 children, so I'm all about the impossible.
From: Robert Huston
You're a Joke. You spew that garbage out there like you're some expert on Tebow and the Broncos. The Broncos are one of best franchises in league history. Sure they are having some turnover and turmoil right now, but Tebow is exactly the kind of guy that will breathe new life into the team.
Why would you capitalize that third word? It's so respectful, in a disrespectful way. Are you insane, Robert? You have schizophrenic tendencies.
Your Edsall story is a joke, has to be. Do schools consult with the coach before they fire him with three years left on his contract? If you're a coach, you're loyal to the school that wants you the most, especially when schools can terminate you WHEN THEY WANT!
So in your version of reality, Randy Edsall was classy and within his rights to be plotting his departure from UConn in the days leading up to a BCS bowl. I don't mean to put words in your mouth, or anything in there considering the rotting fish of a brain located nearby, but that seems to be what you're saying.
From: James Rogowski
This UConn article really annoys me. I never liked you anyway. You complain that UConn gets all the best players, so we shouldn't celebrate the success. The thing is, you can make the same argument about a men's program like Duke. Under your criteria, I guess we shouldn't celebrate Duke's national championship last year.
Major flaw in your argument -- the men's game has the depth of talent that allows teams like Butler, Davidson and George Mason to compete with the best of the best. The women's game? No depth of talent. No Butler. No Davidson. But your second sentence makes me giggle.
From: Jim LaFrance
What a stupid, small-minded article. So you're not a women's basketball fan, we get it. But you don't have to be one to appreciate a great accomplishment. Just like winning 10 golf tournaments in a row or being a world champion in five straight years in ANY sport. You are a small person, and a terrible sports fan if you can't laud an achievement like this.
There are more than 100 legit pro golfers in most pro golf tournaments, but in women's hoops there are only a handful of truly great players ... and most go to UConn. You celebrate that. Me, I'll celebrate an underdog. Like IBM.
I have the same problem with International Rugby. You have a handful of teams that are excellent, and then there is a steep drop in competition. You should see some of those scores.
And don't get me started on cricket! And badminton? Brutal. Many are the days I've spent lamenting the uncompetitive state of International Badminton.
From: Robert Benashski
There is competition for UConn out there, but how would you know since you do not watch anything other than men's sports. You must be a Republican -- it is "no" if you do not agree. Your sour picture on this site shows your character.
You lost me with your Republican comment, but I looked you up and found you -- ripping Republicans in letters-to-the-editor all over the Internet. I voted for Obama in 2008, and I'm inclined to vote for him again in 2012, but the fact that you're a Democrat gives me pause, Robert. Because you're a moron.
From: Kevin Higgins
I have the same respect for your column as a sermon by the Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Actually, he would be a better so-called sports writer.
And you totally lost me. How does my column compare to something spoken by Obama's former pastor? More to the point, why would Wright be better at this job than I am? I'm damn good, you know.
From: Brian Glamuzina
Hey G-diddy, you are an idiot. Publish that.
Wrong. The last two guys are idiots. Pay attention.
From: Jeff M.
I just noticed you were born in Hawaii. Hmmmm, I bet you're not a citizen, are you? Where's your birth certificate? That's what I thought. Does CBS know you aren't an American?!?
I see what you did there, but I'm stuck on my awful luck. I mean, I lived in Hawaii for two years. Two years! But they were my first two years of existence, so I have no memories of it, other than the time I got sand in my ... you know ... and had to go to the hospital. Aloha, my %*@!
From: Thomas Burns
May I have a few seeds from one of the trees in your backyard? Specifically, one of the money-bearing trees.
I love it when Hate Mail refers to a previous Hate Mail (second response). It's like looking in two mirrors, and seeing reflections of yourself for eternity.
Am I the only one who can't just leave those two mirrors?
From: Gary Provencher
Just saw your Hate Mail response to my e-mail a couple weeks ago. I find many of your retorts pretty funny, but regurgitating a joke that's been around years? Come on, you can do better than that.
True. I also anagram names! And your name is an anagram for a "very porn charge." What are you doing there in your free time, Gary? Besides reading about yourself in Hate Mail, I mean.
From: Norman Gordon
It takes all kinds of personalities and opinions to make an interesting column. But maybe yours wasn't so interesting. Sounds like you had to reach to write something. Ho hum!
No kidding. My story was so boring, you read to the end -- 1,000 words, which for you probably took 20 minutes -- and then you found a way to comment to me, clicked the link and spent another 15 minutes typing these 30 words. If I would have bored you any more, you'd be following me on Twitter right now. I bet you are, aren't you?