CBSSports.com National Columnist

Hate Mail: Adventures in numerology

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Updated July 7

Hate Mail is growing up. This week we learned to count -- forward and backward. We got up to three, and then we made it all the way down from five to one, with only one booboo.

Hate Mail. What it lacks in integrity, it makes up in integer.

From: Randy

I just read your story on Jim Tressel. You know what they say: Those that can, do. And those that can't, teach. I guess those that can't do or teach become sportswriters.

... and those who cover up violations and win the Big Ten with ineligible players and lie to their bosses about it -- they coach at Ohio State.

From: Roger Eckenwiler

Jim Tressel does not deserve your constant demeaning. He made a mistake, but he has helped more young men than you will ever know. You keep referring back to Tressel as if he was Hitler. Get a new whipping boy. By the way, what are you going to complain about when the NCAA finds that Ohio State was actually pretty clean?

You mean except for the violations that sidelined the team's best offensive players, and the coach who covered it up and then lied to his bosses. Other than that, Ohio State was actually pretty clean. Is that what you mean?

From: David Brown

You have no idea who Jim Tressel is. You aren't good enough to carry his jockstrap. You trash a man who is one of the finest people in this country -- bar none -- and this would include every profession including priests and preachers. I don't know him personally, but if you talk to ANYONE who does know him you might find out there is NONE BETTER.

Sounds like you'd be more than happy to carry his jockstrap. And thank you for this priceless line: "I don't know him personally." I'll call this story up later today just to laugh at you some more, David.

From: Todd Michalik

You are such a dumbass.

That's my kind of Hate Mail. Five words. Get in, get out. Well done.

From: Jim West

You're an uninformed idiot.

Four words.

From: Bill

Go away.

I think we skipped one. Who was in charge of the three-word Hate Mail this week?

From: Brett Mack

Turd.

Sigh.

From: Barefoot Serpent

If no one's bigger than the game, why do today's sportswriters behave as if they're bigger than the game?

If you're referring to other sportswriters, it's because they're jerks. If you're referring to me, it's because I am.

From: Clayt

Some of us only received spankings as adults. *Giggle.*

Hahaha I mean ... shame on you, Clayt. Spanking is not a laughing matter. In fact there's a background story there, something about goats and coyotes. I'll let Duane explain it.

From: Duane

"Spare the rod" is reference to the goat herder's rod that was carried to guide the herd. They might have hit a wolf or coyote if within reach, but hitting the goats was not how they achieved the goal of getting the herd to go where they wanted.

Didn't know that. Didn't care either.

From: David B.

Your column on spanking was an awful analogy. As an ordained Presbyterian minister and a licensed marriage and family therapist, I beg you to write a clarification of your article. Adult coaches being restrained is entirely different than real children. Too many people already misquote what "spare the rod, spoil the child" really means. We also don't need a sportswriter out there telling parents that "I'm going to count to three" doesn't work. When done right, counting to three DOES work. I hate to think how many children will get beaten today because of your writing.

You're blaming MY STORY for child abuse? You take that back. I'm going to count to three ...

From: Charles

Too bad all your time spent making all-state teams (1987 ... and '88) wasn't put into history class. Grover Cleveland -- 1885-'89 and 1893-'97 -- was the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms. Grover Cleveland Alexander (1911-30) was a Hall of Fame pitcher who was born during Cleveland's first presidency. Are you a columnist or an idiot with a blog (response to Clayton) who types random thoughts?

I wrote that as a joke, Charles. It went over your head, but I'm guessing you're used to it.

From: Mike Morrell

It's guys like you that vote with your heart and not your head that ruin the All-Star voting.

That's the problem with baseball fans. Too much heart, not enough VORP.

From: Jeff Water

Makes a lot of sense, goofball, how do you even keep a job? I usually don't waste my time but I wanted to see how stupid it really was. I am serious too, I never respond to crap like this, but you are so useless and clueless. This is the stupidest article I ever breezed through.

But you "breezed through" it. And you know why? Because my writing is fun to read.

From: Jonathan S.

Your negative tone was grating. You used the word "nerd" too much, which made your writing poor. It's easy to see baseball is not your major sport (hint: 1986).

Methinks you complain too much about my usage of the word "nerd" ... nerd.

From: Jim

Wow -- replace two Yankees with Red Sox. Don't show your true colors now.

That's what you took from my story on the All-Star vote? That I'm a closet Red Sox fan? You have the worst case of tunnel vision I've ever seen. That, or glaucoma.

From: Kwende Madu

Yes college football is better than the NFL because you can exploit those arrogant negroes and not pay them a nickel. Admit it -- that is what you caucasoids really enjoy.

Glaucoma seems to be contagious.

From: Nimama

:http:www.benzlogo.com I tide fashion Good-looking, not expensive Free transport.

Ni mama? Wrong. YOUR mama, spam-bot.

From: Mike Davies

Thank you for finally writing something decent. College football shouldn't need goofs like you defending it -- but at least you made a decent point finally. Maybe your dad was embarrassed that you called him the reason you became a sportswriter and said if you were going to credit him, you should start writing decently -- because the last couple weeks have shown a marked improvement in your writing.

See, I get nice mail! Well, sort of nice mail. Well ... mail that isn't purely hateful.

From: Chris

I have read your articles for years now, and though I find them mostly inaccurate and childish, I found the most profound and genius idea in your article about the All Star Game and how baseball's nerds have destroyed the joy in the selection process: You want to see Adam Jones! Kudos on the most brilliant thing you've ever written. Well, that and the story about college football being better than the NFL. So, man, you're on fire. You may want to consider taking a vacation and soaking this up. This success will only be remembered as an afterthought when you give us your next Gregg Doyel typical piece of sports garbage.

See -- nice! Ugh.


Gregg Doyel is a columnist for CBSSports.com. He covered the ACC for the Charlotte Observer, the Marlins for the Miami Herald, and Brooksville (Fla.) Hernando for the Tampa Tribune. He was 4-0 (3 KO's!) as an amateur boxer, and volunteers for the ALS Association. Follow Gregg Doyel on Twitter.
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