National Columnist

Hate Mail: Messing with Texas is so much fun


This week has something for everyone. A drunk, a little bit of Tebow, a challenge to fight somebody, and some hate from Texas. And not all from the same person even!

Plus there's some golden oldies in here, including the best YouTube clip of all time. It stars me, of course.

It's not like anybody else is loving me some me in Hate Mail.

From: Scott

I'm bookmarking this page and will be asking for a retraction when the Longhorns take care of every team on their schedule. Oklahoma will be a test, but I like our chances.

Your chances of what -- of not being routed 66-3? I like your chances too. I guess.

From: Vooe

If you're so sure that Texas isn't that good this season, make your win-loss prediction for the rest of the season. Let's see how much insight you really have.

Fine. I have Texas winning six of its next 10 games for an 8-4 regular season. If you want to know which games the Longhorns are going to lose, call my 1-900 number. But don't do it with kids around. Sometimes I say inappropriate things.

From: Abraham Thrunter

Texas is a talented team. Your theory that Mack Brown has eased up on the recruiting trail is a falsehood. Keep in mind that UConn made it to a BCS bowl last year, and I think Texas would give them a good game.

You're defending Texas football by saying it could "give a good game" to UConn? I quiver at your debate skills.

From: Jay Hudgins

I think you managed to take every word spoken by Mack Brown and spin it the way you wanted to fit your column.

Duh. That's why I'm the second best in the business.

From: Hook 'em Horns

You sound like another UT hater. You look like a Nazi.

You talk trash like an idiot.

From: Cade Griggs

Your article on BYU-Texas was horrible, and pretty much a slap in the face to every UT fan. Why didn't you write about Ohio State nearly losing to Toledo?

Well, see, I was at the BYU-Texas game. So I wrote about BYU-Texas. Had I been at Toledo-Ohio State I imagine I would have written about Toledo-Ohio State.

From: Vinny O. (third email)

Pfffft. I saw what you said about me in last week's Hate Mail. You'll hit me three or four times before the beer bottle touches the stadium floor? Well guess what fu--face: I am going to make a habit of turning you into my own personal speed bag. You are now on my radar.

You might want to bring a six-pack, bottle guy -- mine's with me everywhere I go.

From: Matt

When people disagree with you, why do they have to be so rude and vulgar about it?

That's a great question, Matt. Lord knows it's not my fault. I treat everybody who comes here with respect. Except for that Vinny idiot. And this next guy.

From: Sean D. Kenney


You sure you're not a drinker? You write like a drunk.

From: Patrick

Your picture is ridiculous. I'm laughing at you and I'm not the the only the one.

Next time you want to talk tough, the leave out some the the of those the words.

From: J. Trail

Mr. Doyel, you are so wrong about everything. It is because of reporters like you that my husband and I no longer watch CBS, ABC and NBC. Shame on you and your employer. May God have mercy on you.

You didn't specify what story set you off, but I'm guessing it was this one. If so, Biblically speaking, you're living a heretical life -- because The Good Book says the man is supposed to wear the pants, honey. Not you.

From: Matt

I usually do not give any credence to what you write -- but let me say this: As a Texas fan and alumnus, you are absolutely right.

Thank you, Matt, I'm sure that wasn't easy to ... what?

From: Ron Lauderbach

According to you, from your radio comments Saturday morning, the NFL West is a joke, and your two-word answer to the Chargers' problems was "Norv Turner." You continued with some gibberish about carrots, full meals, and Wendy's before you and the host had a good laugh. What is it that makes some sports journalists feel they must contribute arrogant opinions?

So now I'm getting Hate Mail from radio appearances? What a world. Speaking of which ... that radio appearance was on NPR. Can you imagine, me on NPR? What a world!

From: J.R.

If Iowa State wins the college mascot competition, will you come to Ames to present the trophy again?

Ah, memories, like the corners of my mind. But to answer your question: No. There is no contest again. And also: No. I wouldn't go back.

P.S. Here's the video again. Me at my most charming.

From: David Grams

Tried to send you a response to your great article several times. Can't make it work ...

Keep trying. I still haven't gotten your response. Feeling a bit unappreciated ...

From: Luc

If you're saying Craig Biggio isn't a Hall of Famer, then how the hell did Roberto Alomar get in? Biggio had more hits, RBI, home runs and doubles. Their fields were the same, but Biggio did play several different positions.

Alomar was a great player. Biggio -- who had 2,000 more plate appearances -- was a great accumulator of statistics. I win. But then, I already won. I wrote that story in 2007, and it's still getting read today? I'm the second greatest of all time.

From: Kevin Mangold

I'm a former jockey and just came across the story you wrote a few years ago about the death of horse racing. If I didn't know better, I would swear that I wrote that story. At least I wish I had.

Most praise, like most criticism, doesn't affect me. This one does. Thank you, sir.

From: Mike Lee

Your column on the AL MVP was a great bit of writing. You couldn't write one any better.

I don't know. Did you see the one on horse racing?

Gregg Doyel is a columnist for He covered the ACC for the Charlotte Observer, the Marlins for the Miami Herald, and Brooksville (Fla.) Hernando for the Tampa Tribune. He was 4-0 (3 KO's!) as an amateur boxer, and volunteers for the ALS Association. Follow Gregg Doyel on Twitter.

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