Man vs. Woman vs. Machine: Week 2

By Tom Fornelli | College Football Writer

Man vs. Woman vs. Machine is a feature that runs every Thursday afternoon. It is here that Tom Fornelli fights against the rising tide of female empowerment and technology to ensure that men everywhere can at least claim that college football is still theirs. He does this by picking a set of games against the spread against his girlfriend, Lynn, and his Playstation 3.

We are only one week into what is going to be a long season of Man vs Woman vs Machine, so it's more than just a bit silly to begin bragging about a lead at this point, but you have to understand, I never led for a single week in 2011.

Now after one week of 2012 I'm tied with Machine for first place and Woman is currently in last.

This is something that needs to be known throughout our humble abode all week long, and trust me, it has been. Will I suffer comeuppance for constantly saying things like "let me get that for you, honey, I am after all the superior being?" Probably! But for the moment, I'm just enjoying my moment in the sun.

Now let's get to karma kicking my ass.

Cincinnati (-4) vs. Pittsburgh - Thursday, 8pm (All times Eastern)

Man - I am a little worried about Cincinnati in this game just because the Bearcats didn't play last week, and season openers always bring a possibility of incredibly sloppy play. For example, look at how Pitt played against Youngstown State. So here I am trying to decide a Big East game, and, well, who am I kidding. Pitt lost to freaking Youngstown State last week. Pick: Cincinnati

Woman - These two teams are a car wreck waiting to happen and Pittsburgh gets its leather jacket stuck on the door handle. Pick: Cincinnati

Machine - The Machine understands that Youngstown State is a strong team and that stranger things have happened! It also understands that this is the Big East, where chaos reigns. Pick: Pitt

Kansas State (-7) vs. Miami - Saturday, Noon

Man - I hate picking against the team I think is going to win the game outright, but I have to here. First of all, last year's meeting came down to a goal line stand for Kansas State to win. Second of all, Kansas State and Bill Snyder just love playing in close games, and finally, Miami was 4-1 against the spread last season as a road underdog. So, come on Duke Johnson! Pick: Miami

Woman - Two words: Collin Klein. Pick: Kansas State

Machine - Wow, The Machine foresees you changing the channel about midway through the second quarter as Kansas State rolls to a 45-10 victory. Pick: Kansas State

Virginia (-10) vs. Penn State - Saturday, Noon

Man - Yes, Penn State lost to Ohio at home last week, but Ohio is a good football team, and Penn State is replacing a lot of talent that left once the NCAA sanctions hit. Don't get me wrong, I don't think this Penn State team is very good -- particularly on offense -- but it's not as bad as you might want to think either. The Nittany Lions are also playing a team that averaged only 23.2 points per game last season, and that's not a lot of points in a game with a 10-point spread. Pick: Penn State

Woman - The size of this spread is a reaction to Virginia's romp over Richmond last week. But it's an overreaction leading to a spread you can't ignore. Easy pick. Pick: Penn State

Machine - Ever notice how when you put a game inside the Playstation it makes a noise that sort of sounds like "wahoowa?" Pick: Virginia

Mississippi State (-3) vs. Auburn - Saturday, Noon

Man - This was a very entertaining game last season that ended on a goal line stand by Auburn to win, though it wasn't the most exciting game in the history of this series. No, that happened in 2008. Something tells me this game will be more like last season's, though, and I'm going with the team that wasn't 1-4 against the spread on the road last season. Pick: Mississippi State

Woman - More cowbell, less spread. Pick: Auburn

Machine - Well, it won't be 3-2, but it won't be much different either. Mississippi State wins 13-7. Pick: Mississippi State

Texas A&M (-1 ½) vs. Florida - Saturday, 3:30pm

Man - I saw every single Texas A&M game last season. I saw that team continually blow games and covers in the second half week in and week out. Surely moving to the SEC and installing an offense that moves quickly and puts its defense on the field more often will solve all of those second half problems. You'd have to be an absolute idiot to go with the Aggies without seeing them play a game this season. Well, no, actually you'd have to be an idiot who didn't see Florida play last weekend. I did. Pick: Texas A&M

Woman - The Aggies get a special "Welcome to the SEC" present from a Gator team that can't seem to win a game in their conference. Pick: Texas A&M

Machine - It's a sweep, gone gata. Pick: Texas A&M

Notre Dame (-14 ½) vs. Purdue - Saturday, 3:30pm

Man - That moment when you make a decision that you know is the wrong decision. That's the moment I'm experiencing right now. I mean, just because Navy threw for nearly 200 yards against this Notre Dame secondary, that doesn't mean Purdue will double that, right? Right!? Why am I doing this? Pick: Notre Dame

Woman - Have you ever noticed leprachauns are a lot like clowns? Terrifying. Pick: Purdue

Machine - The Machine sees Notre Dame starting off the season 2-0 -- and therefore being ranked #1 next week -- but just barely. Irish win 31-27. Pick: Purdue

Iowa (-3 ½) vs. Iowa State - Saturday, 3:30pm

Man - For ALL of the corn. Seriously, while it's not a marquee rivalry, this matchup was one of the more entertaining rivalry games in 2011. However, things normally aren't that entertaining when Iowa State makes the trip to Iowa City, so even though the Hawkeyes struggled last week, I'm going with the yellow and black this week. Pick: Iowa

Woman - The Hawkeyes didn't exactly inspire confidence last week. Even at Kinnick in a blood match, I favor the more talented Cyclones. Pick: Iowa State

Machine - It appears I'm on an island here as The Machine sees Iowa State knocking off its state rival for the second straight season, winning 24-17. Pick: Iowa State

UCLA vs. Nebraska (-4 ½) - Saturday, 7:30pm

Man - Okay, so UCLA looked pretty good on offense against Rice last week, but let's be real, it was Rice. A Rice offense that scored 21 points against that UCLA defense. Life will be a touch more difficult against Nebraska now that Taylor Martinez is apparently the greatest quarterback in the history of quarterbacking. Pick: Nebraska

Woman - Run, Jim Mora Junior, run like you've never run before! Pick: Nebraska

Machine - We're all in agreement here, The Machine has the Cornhuskers winning 30-13. Pick: Nebraska

Missouri vs. Georgia (-3) - Saturday, 7:45pm

Man - Georgia got off to a slow start against Buffalo last week, but it still ended up winning that game by three touchdowns. Missouri, meanwhile, played Southeast Louisiana. Just a bit of a step up in class this week, and I see the Bulldogs giving the Tigers an unpleasant welcome to life in the SEC. Pick: Georgia

Woman - Who's the cutest wittle mascot? Who? Who? Pick: Georgia

Machine - Good news, Missouri, at least The Machine is picking you to cover in your SEC opener. The bad news is you still lose the game 21-20. Pick: Missouri

Arizona vs. Oklahoma State (-13 ½) - Saturday, 10:30pm

Man - Not only do I think Arizona is going to cover this spread, but I think Arizona might win this game outright. No, I have not been drinking. This could very easily be a shootout, and considering Oklahoma State has a freshman quarterback, three new starters on the offensive line and is coming off a glorified scrimmage against Savannah State, I feel like the Cowboys could be in for a bumpy ride on Saturday night. I'm rolling with RichRod. Pick: Arizona

Woman - Can the Cowboys win by two touchdowns? Yes, they can. Pick: Oklahoma State

Machine - All The Machine knows is that Oklahoma State was an unstoppable -- outside of Ames, Iowa -- death machine of touchdowns in 2011, and that's what it sees Oklahoma State being again in 2012. Cowboys win 56-31. Pick: Oklahoma State

Season Records

  1. Man: 6-4
  2. Machine: 6-4
  3. Woman: 5-5
 
CBSSports Facebook Google Plus
COMMENTS
Conversation powered by Livefyre

College Football Video

April 13, 2014
Jameis Winston's busy spring (2:08)
1 April 3, 2014
College Football's Top 10 offensive coaches
(4:14)
2 April 1, 2014
Sarkisian era begins at USC
(4:42)
3 March 6, 2014
Connor Cook works on his delivery
(0:28)

Latest

Most Popular