VIDEO: Western Michigan unveils new all-black alternate uniforms

By Jerry Hinnen | College Football Writer

HEY!!! HEY YOU!!! DOES YOUR DAY NOT HAVE ENOUGH TESTOSTERONE OR EXCLAMATION POINTS IN IT!!!?

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THIS VIDEO UNVEILING WESTERN MICHIGAN'S NEW ALL-BLACK!!! UNIFORMS FOR ITS GAME SATURDAY AGAINST TOLEDO!!! IT HAS LOUD HEAVY METAL GUITARS!!! SHADOWS!!! VIGOROUS CHEST-THUMPING!!! LOTS OF SMOKE EVEN THOUGH NOTHING'S BURNING!!! AND DID I MENTION THE UNIFORMS WERE ALL-BLACK!!!?

NO WONDER THE PLAYER WEARING THE UNIFORM WHOSE FACE WE CAN'T SEE HAS TO START SCREAMING FOR NO REASON EXCEPT THERE IS A REASON AND THAT REASON IS THAT EVERYTHING IN THIS VIDEO IS TOO AWESOME NOT TO SCREAM!!! WATCH THIS VIDEO NOW!!!

I WOULD POINT OUT THE UNIFORM LOOKS CLEAN IF A LITTLE UNADVENTUROUS BUT THE CHECKERBOARD DESIGN ON THE HELMETS IS REALLY SHARP SO IT'S TOO BAD THAT AFTER WATCHING THAT I HAD TO SMASH MY KITCHEN TABLE WITH A REINFORCED MAG-LITE INSTEAD!!! XXXXXXTREEEEEEEEEM!!!

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I HAVE TO GO DRINK A LITER OF BRAWNDO!!!

HAT TIP TO DOCTOR SATURDAY!!!

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