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FIU issues the greatest press release of all time

By Tom Fornelli | Staff Writer
Ron Turner would like to apologize for this unfortunate incident. (USATSI)
Ron Turner would like to apologize for this unfortunate incident. (Getty)

It's Friday afternoon and you're counting down the hours until the workday is over and you can get on with your weekend. Then, suddenly, a message pops up in your email inbox. The subject is just a generic "Statement from FIU head coach Ron Turner."

What could it be?

You have to find out because if you don't, you know it'll haunt you for the entire weekend. So you do it. You open the email, and lo and behold, you find the greatest school-issued statement to ever pop up in anybody's inbox.

Early this morning, our football team had a workout and barbecue on Crandon Park Beach to conclude our summer conditioning program under the supervision of our strength and conditioning staff. Following the workout, some of our athletes went to rinse off at a designated public shower area and a few of them made a poor decision and changed their clothes in public. I want to apologize to the community and anyone who was at the beach this morning for this unfortunate incident. We are committed to helping our student athletes grow as gentlemen while preparing them for their careers. We are looking into this incident, and if appropriate, will take disciplinary action.

Ron Turner
Head Football Coach

And now you're ready for the weekend.

Oh, and if you were wondering, no charges have been filed against any of the FIU players who decided to get naked in front of everybody at the beach.

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