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CBSSports.com Senior Writer

Hate Mail: Volunteering blind spots ... and spam


Updated April 28

The NCAA calls Jim Tressel a liar, and the butterfly effect happens. You know about the butterfly effect, right? A butterfly flaps its wings in Peking, and a hurricane hits Los Angeles. That's the chaos theory about the inter-connectivity of life. Never mind that it has never actually happened like that ...

Anyway, the NCAA calls the Ohio State football coach a liar, and people from Tennessee come here to accuse me of bringing down the Volunteers basketball program. Makes no sense, but that's the butterfly effect. Also this week, Hate Mail was infiltrated by an army of spam-bots.

Must have been one big freaking butterfly.

From: Steve

Why aren't you and the other harpies in the national media carping at Ohio State to fire Jim Tressel the way you incessantly carped at Tennessee to fire Bruce Pearl? Nary a discouraging word has emitted from your collective word processors.

Good Lord, Steve, I blasted Tressel so many times last month that I had neighbors knocking on my door -- literally, knocking on my door -- asking me to lay off the Buckeyes. I think this is the column that set them off. Unless maybe it was this one.

From: More from Steve

From Day One of the Bruce Pearl saga, not a week went by without some vainglorious expert crawling out of the woodwork to spew his or her viscous anti-Vols, anti-Pearl bile. However, Jim Tressel is, by comparison, getting a pass. Does it not bother you that your bias is so obvious? Have you not even a scintilla of shame?

Neighbors. Coming to my door. Begging me to lay off Tressel.

From: Even more from Steve

This is why Tennesseans despise the Yankee press. You simply can't stand for the Vols to be led to sporting glory by the likes of Bruce Pearl, so you brought him down. Why? Because you could. On the positive side, the Big Orange Nation is older than you, bolder than you, bigger than you, stronger than you, and it will outlast you.

Yankee press? I'm from Mississippi. Where I come from, you're the Yankees. We were, quite literally, the Rebels. Stupid racist mascot ...

From: Chris H.

Not that I'm in that crowd, but Roger Goodell isn't the ONLY one who thinks you're an idiot!

I'm sure you're right, Chris, but come on. It's not like there's a BIG crowd of people who think I'm an idiot. A few folks? Sure. But it's not exactly a common sentiment.

From: Mick

How come when I type "Gregg Doyel is ..." into a Google search engine, it automatically finishes the search as "Gregg Doyel is an idiot"?

I typed in "Gregg Doyel" and it didn't work. Liar! Ha! Oh, wait, I didn't see that third word you typed into Google. OK, let me try that now: "Gregg Doyel is ..." Oh. Sigh.

From: Sarah

How do I get you to follow me on Twitter? You're kind of hot.

Thank you. I needed that. Gotta see a picture first.

From: Thomas Burns

My daughter was home sick today and watching Animal Cops Miami and in just three episodes there were two dogs named "Tebow". So with millions of dogs and cats in Florida, how many do you think are named "Tebow"? Wonder how many pot plants are named "Janoris"? Going to try to sleep now.

The idea of cats and dogs copulating to the point that people are naming puppies and kittens after Tebow, who doesn't copulate at all ... that's pretty neat. No idea what you mean about Janoris. Nor do I know how that link got there. To a story I wrote. About Janoris. Links are always popping up here at the strangest times.

From: Dave

You make good points, but Pete Rose didn't break just any rule. He broke THE rule. For that, he deserves no place of HONOR. He isn't forgotten. If you go to Cooperstown and look at the display on the Reds of the 1970s, you see Rose's jersey hanging prominently. But a place of HONOR in the hall of plaques? No way. Rose deserves to be remembered, but the stain he gave the game will never be forgotten and can't be excused. No place of HONOR is deserved.

Someone has been eating doughnuts at the computer again. The jelly dripped onto your keyboard. Broke your ALL-CAPS BUTTON.

From: Plaillels

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Where you been all day, my spam-bot friend? I've been missing you.

From: Plaillels

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See, last week I took a shot at your wife, and I thought maybe you had taken it personally.

From: Plaillels

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But then I thought, "Wait a minute. He's spam! He doesn't take anything personally!"

From: Alan

Nice shot at Roger Goodell. One clarification. The positions he outlines are what the plaintiffs are seeking in the lawsuit, which is different than what the union is seeking in the negotiations. So, his shot was even cheaper, because it took the free-market position of the antitrust lawsuit which it would be if that suit wins ultimately and represented that as the union's collective bargaining position. The NFL needs the agreement of the union to create anti-free-market rules or violate antitrust. The union has always been willing to keep going as is, but the owners got greedy and wanted to reduce player benefits without showing a good reason why. Their bullying tactics -- TV deal, lockout -- have been shot down, so now they hope to sway the gullible by articles and publicity such as this.

I don't know what you said -- literally, my eyes are glazing over -- but I get the sense you liked what I wrote. So thank you. Unless your first sentence was sarcasm, in which case I say, um, (another verb) you.

From: Rene

The headline on your latest college basketball story is enough for me. I don't need to read any more. This college hoop season needs making up for? No. It was beautiful watching the games, watching competition. You ever played, Mr. Doyel? The game is enough.

Didn't play basketball. Did play other stuff. Resisting the urge to tell you just how well I played that other stuff, because I'm starting to think humility is cool.

From: South Florida Tiger

Your opinion is typical of the biased view that basketball is only good when the big boys win. Discounting mid-majors and other non-BCS universities is a mistake. Parity in college basketball is a good thing.

Parity is fine, if everybody's equal because everybody's good. But when everybody's equal because everybody sucks, that's not parity. That's the NFC West.

From: Phil C.

You and yours stink!!

Is that the best you got? I would rather read gobbledygook from the spam-bot.

From: Joe Sikorski

RichRod is a fraud and you bought his words. One year before he bolted to Michigan he said, and I'll paraphrase here, "I will not leave WVU unless you will not have me any longer." Does that sound like a man you can trust? Then he tries to get out of his contract! You bought his slick apology. I have some swamp land to sell -- you looking to buy?

No, but if I was looking for swamp land I would wait for my spam-bot friend to make me an offer. He should be around shortly. Or is it a she? Hard to tell, with spam.

From: Plaillels

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There you are. So how many things do you sell, spam-bot? Maybe you should sell condoms. You're kind of slutty.

From: Plaillels

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Close enough.

Gregg Doyel is a columnist for CBSSports.com. He covered the ACC for the Charlotte Observer, the Marlins for the Miami Herald, and Brooksville (Fla.) Hernando for the Tampa Tribune. He was 4-0 (3 KO's!) as an amateur boxer, and volunteers for the ALS Association. Follow Gregg Doyel on Twitter.

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