Let's recap the past week in college football:
The Big 12 is jilted because it appears to be losing members faster than passengers jumping off the Titanic because schools -- surprise! -- want to join a better conference.
Ken Starr, who investigated President Clinton on various matters, is now Baylor's president and is threatening a lawsuit against Texas A&M, the SEC or anyone wearing a blue dress.
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Baylor is asking alumni and students to "Take a Stand" and "Don't Mess With Texas Football" by allowing Texas A&M to leave the Big 12. That's funny because Baylor had no problem messing with Texas football and leaving the Southwest Conference -- and Texas schools SMU, TCU, Houston and Rice -- behind for the Big 12 back in 1996.
And then Monday, Maryland's retina-burning jersey combinations debuted with much fanfare and criticism. "People can say whatever they want about our jerseys," tweeted Maryland defensive lineman A.J. Francis, "but there is no such thing as bad publicity." Uh, Francis, the Miami Hurricanes might disagree with that statement.
Even with everything that has happened in the past week something stranger will happen Saturday in Boulder, Colo. A game will be played between two conference members that will not count as a conference game.
Pac-12 programs Colorado and California play Saturday, but the game is officially considered a nonconference game. That's because it's the second game of a home-and-home series and was scheduled before the Buffaloes joined the Bears in the Pac-12.
Now on to this week's picks.
Reminder: I have been staked an imaginary bankroll totaling 5,000 Brett Bucks (similar to dollars, but for entertainment purposes only). Each pick is for 50 Brett Bucks, except for the best bets, worth 100 Brett Bucks. Point spreads from Wednesday's USA Today.
Arizona at Oklahoma State (Thursday): Pending a lawsuit from Baylor, the winner of this game takes a one-game lead in the Pac-12 East. Oklahoma State -14
Missouri at Arizona State (Friday): Apparently there is a concern that Arizona State's all-black uniforms will be too hot to wear in the Arizona desert. However, the school issued a press release that said there is no such concern. ASU "expert" Michael Angilletta, who studies the adaptation of organisms to their environment in the ASU School of Life Sciences, said the all-black uniforms will have no effect as far as heat is concerned "because it's a night game." Seriously. Arizona State -8
BYU at Texas: BYU's roster includes 32 players who are married. Ironically, that's the same number of subscribers to the Longhorn Network. Texas -7
Cincinnati at Tennessee: To prepare for playing in Neyland Stadium, Cincinnati coach Butch Jones has had Rocky Top blaring in practice all week. Also to get ready for Tennessee, the Bearcats are running their offense against 13 defenders. Cincinnati +6
Georgia Tech at Middle Tennessee: This is the 100-year anniversary for Middle Tennessee. As part of the celebration, the school will present a cake that is 10 feet long, 5 feet wide and 6-8 feet high. Actually, that cake will offer more resistance than Georgia Tech's offense faced last week against Western Carolina. Middle Tennessee +11
Hawaii at Washington: Last week Hawaii defeated Colorado. If the Warriors knock off Washington this week, Pac-12 commissioner Larry Scott might just extend an invitation to UH. Washington -6½
Mississippi State at Auburn: I can give you 180,000 reasons why this will be the most interesting game of the week. Auburn +7
Navy at Western Kentucky: The Hilltoppers have lost 15 consecutive home games. Let's just say they're due. Western Kentucky +9½
New Mexico State at Minnesota: Minnesota has lost 34 of its past 51 games, yet New Mexico State's official website referred to the Golden Gophers as a "Big Ten powerhouse." Minnesota is a powerhouse? Well if that's the case this will be my best bet of the week. Minnesota -20
Nevada at Oregon: In June, Nevada coach Chris Ault received a new contract but volunteered to take nearly a 5 percent pay cut because of the state's troubled economy. Also being sensitive to the tough economic climate, Oregon asked Willie Lyles to take a pay cut. Oregon -26½
Northern Illinois at Kansas: NIU and Kansas might not seem like a very attractive matchup, but with the long-term uncertainty of the Big 12, Kansas might want to get used to it. This could be an annual conference game for the Jayhawks. Kansas +6½
Purdue at Rice: Forget the game. I just want to see what the Rice band spells out at halftime. Purdue -1
South Carolina at Georgia: Last spring, South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier said he believes players should receive $300 a game. In South Carolina's last visit to Georgia, a team official allegedly found two girls in QB Stephen Garcia's hotel room during a routine bed check before the Chick-fil-A Bowl. Money and girls? Can someone please tell me how South Carolina does not have the No. 1 recruiting class every year? Georgia +3
Southern Miss at Marshall: Southern Miss QB Austin Davis needs only 73 yards passing to break Brett Favre's school career record this week. Upon hearing Davis would break his record, Favre asked a New York Jets PR person to get Davis' cell number so he could send him a congratulatory text message. Southern Miss -7½
Utah at Southern California: The Los Angeles Daily News reports that the last time Utah played USC, in the 2001 Las Vegas Bowl, there was an altercation between coaches in the press box elevator after the game. USC coach Lane Kiffin, then a tight ends coach, was in the elevator and said he didn't remember the incident. Apparently, Kiffin also has forgotten teams are not required to attempt 2-point conversions after every touchdown. USC -9½
Trifecta of Terror: Each week "Cover Me" will also provide his top three picks of the week. This week, "Cover Me" likes Arkansas -36 vs. New Mexico; Rutgers +10½ at North Carolina and Cal -6½ at Colorado is his best bet.
Lock of the Week: MasterLock Built In Combination Lock, 169-0MDRED
McMurphy's picks: 6-7
"Cover Me's" picks: 1-2
Bankroll: Down 100 for season; 4,900 balance
McMurphy: 6-7; +0; (1-0 best bets)
"Cover Me": 1-2; -100 (0-1 best bets)