Updated May 26
I did your work for you this week.
Word search revealed five "idiots" and two "morons" in this week's mailbag. Here are some of the better reasoned queries directed to college football's all-knowing seer, sage and former parking lot attendant at Bobby Bowden's last all-campus kegger.
Ed, the envelopes please ...
Dennis, after reading your article (Strike a pose, May 18), I thought who might challenge Brady Quinn for the Heisman. Well, I think that will be (Oklahoma's) Adrian Peterson.
Which leads me to my question. What if Adrian Peterson eclipses 2,000 yards and OU plays for the title? It would be hard to deny him considering he finished second as a true freshmen. What are your thoughts?
I'm thinking A.P. would be a top candidate. In other news, water is wet, the sky is blue and Notre Dame has more money than, well, God to promote its guy.
Thanks for that riveting article about Notre Dame and Brady Quinn. My how the media jumps off the USC bandwagon so quickly. I guess Notre Dame is the new flavor of the year and the potential dynasty in the making. Laughable that Quinn has already been anointed as the Heisman winner before fall camps open!
News flash -- that's we hacks what we do in May before those fall camps open.
This is a much better article than the negative articles you have written in the past.
Thanks, but which story? I've been feeling extraordinarily grouchy. How did one slip through?
You seemed to have forgotten Iowa's Drew Tate from your list of Heisman contenders. He is the most likely person to win it from the Big Ten. He is by far the best quarterback in the Big Ten.
How's Your Junk?
By far? Maybe in Iowa City, not in the Big Ten. Let me draw your attention to Exhibit No. 1: Smith, Troy. I could go on, but I don't want to embarrass you.
This was written with thought and research (With demons behind him, Troy embarks on legendary quest, May 19). I actually believe what you said for once! Seriously, very good column. It gives hope to those who think there is none. And, in this society, with so many strays, we need to have confidence in the future kids and to know they can turn out right with guidance.
God bless Ted Ginn Sr. This article should be picked up by the magazine SI.
More proof that print is dead. All hail the Internet.
Dear Dennis, please write something that will help the readers of this site to understand that while yes, Ohio State lost nine starters on D, next year's D will be faster and as good.
Show me a better D-line than what wreaks havoc through the Big Ten and I'll show you some great beachfront property in Austin. You guys mentioned seven ready in the linebacker corps, there are three more coming this summer and two of those were amongst the best recruits nationally.
And neither went to Petey and the Hollywood Giveaways. Though both were auditioned. Set the scUM fans straight and explain The Lloyd is now on the receiving end of it and will be for as long as Coach Tressel is in Columbus. Class wins over temper every day.
For those of you not fluent in Buckese, "Petey and the Hollywood Giveaways" translates roughly to USC. scUM is that team up North. "Class wins over temper"? Hard to say, but it must refer to Michigan's humble ways vs. Woody Friggin' Hayes.
Dennis, great article (Heisman Week: Breaking down the candidates, May 15)!
As an LSU fan, it pains me that this will be the 47th year without a Heisman, but alas, you speaketh the truth. Quick question (and I understand how busy you are with your columns, but...,) when you vote for your Top 25, do you base your opinion upon where you think the teams will wind up in the end, or how easy/difficult a team's schedule is?
LSU has an excellent team, but will have one of the toughest road slates in the nation. Do you think this will wind up hurting us in the AP/coaches poll and give us a tougher road to climb? Lastly, we need you on the radio! You're columns are always a fantastic read. Keep up the outstanding work!
Radio? I'm smelling agent? I'm thinking money? I'm hoping you call. We all have our price. Mine is extremely low.
You should start posting my stuff in your hate mail. You make me think you are just conceding defeat without even a retort. That wouldn't be very manly of you, now would it?
Your stuff? Bring it, fool.
I will stop calling the Florida-Georgia football game "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" when President Machen (of Florida) stops the free flow of alcohol in the luxury boxes and Touchdown Terrace sections of Florida Field and when the university stops the Bull Gators from drinking alcohol in the O'Dome parking lot right next to Florida Field.
A Count O' Ability:
Are you saying Florida and Georgia are hypocrites for trying to wipe out a name (WLOCP) instead of a habit? Well said.
You call yourself a sports writer? I read a lot of intelligent statements from fans and every reply by you is sarcastic. Shows your professionalism doesn't it?
Yes it does. Now get out of the mailbag before I out you myself.
Always like you stuff. Vol grad here, wanting you take on the Vols for '06. I know you are a busy person and all I can ask for is reply about your thoughts on the upcoming year. Thanks and keep doing what you do. Brandon
No disrespect, but there is a big rebuilding job at hand. If everything goes right, the Vols are still the fifth-best team in the league. They'd better beat Cal and Florida in September, or we could be looking at another bowl-less season.
Lot of pressure on Ainge, Fulmer, etc.
From: Frank Hulse
Dennis, when I was a small boy I always thought I could outsmart or outwit my dad. I could not and neither can you.
In this case your "Dad" is your readers, the baseline for which you write the column. I am 60 on June 30. I realized a long time ago that the customer was always right, and in this case you should listen to the public.
That's right, the people who pay your salary, your bread and butter so to speak. My dad would say, "Dennis, you're too big for your britches, quit being a smart ass." Oh you might feel your being witty and funny in your replies, but your not so.
With that thought I get the last laugh here for from this point on, you just lost one of those people who have been keeping you well fed, Skin Head!!
I'm so well fed that there isn't enough there for a mosquito appetizer. I'm so well fed that the office manager just mistook me for a fax sheet. I'm so well fed that I just purchased a closet for a second home.
Please, send Power Bars and sharper wit, Frank.