Dear Michael: Forget the last call on Cocktail Party

An open letter to Georgia president Michael Adams
Re: Saturday's game

Mike:

Just wanted to drop you a note regarding any possible trademark or licensing conflicts that might occur this week. I've copyrighted the phrase, "World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party."

Urban Meyer isn't concerned about a name change -- just a win. (Getty Images)

You'll probably notice a few T-shirts being sold and worn around Alltel Stadium on Saturday when you roll up to that reserved parking spot. It's all good. They're mine, and I plan to make a tidy profit. Hey, American enterprise, right? It's my phrase and I'm sticking to it.

Which is a polite way of saying: Keep your mouth off my moniker. It's no secret that you're attempting the impossible: Striking an entire colloquialism from the English language. You don't want "World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" uttered in relation to the Florida-Georgia game.

By CBS, by the city of Jacksonville, by the man on the street, by the time you get to your air-conditioned luxury box.

What's next, are you going to hold the letter "Q" hostage?

Never mind the free-speech implications, your actions are misguided and wrong. Mostly because I own the rights to those five lovely words. It was easy, too. For a nominal filing fee, I became the next Pat Riley. He's the NBA coach who trademarked "Threepeat" when he was with the Lakers. The profits kept him in enough hair gel to get through the '90s.

No one is going to tell me what to say, do, think or write except my wife, bosses and priest. Maybe Springsteen, too, if he ever endorsed a really cool SUV.

Hopefully, this letter finds you before the cease and desist order from my lawyers. My legal counsel believes you're treading dangerously in the area of civil liberties.

Me? I just think you're arrogant.

You, of all people, should understand even the Georgia president can't legislate morality. Not even the NCAA can do that. Look, your effort to establish a more fan-friendly environment around Sanford Stadium is laudable. I completely understand that binge drinking is a problem in college. In fact, there were a couple of alcohol-related deaths in Jacksonville in recent years surrounding the game.

Those were tragic, but did words drive those people to drink, or was it their free will, peer pressure, an addiction?

Most of us don't want much -- safe air travel, good schools and decent basic cable. We don't want some pompous suit telling me it should be the World's Largest Outdoor Ice Cream Social and Quilting Bee. You see, unless those people get behind the wheel of a car or otherwise violate local statutes, what people do in J-Ville is none of your business.

You're blaming a symbol, an utterance, for alcohol abuse. That's the same misguided thinking that has Washington politicos wasting time passing laws against flag burning. It's a flag, people, not flesh. It's a symbol of the nation, not the nation itself. Oh, and like our little argument here, it's protected by free speech.

I must have missed a meeting. When did it become OK to bear arms but not a refreshing Budweiser?

Plus, in college football you don't mess with tradition. Calling it the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party is tradition. Ask Vince Dooley about tradition. The pillar of your school's athletic department, maybe the school, was allowed to go out on his terms at Georgia, right?

Right?

Tradition is the same reason we recognize USC, UCLA and LSU but wrinkle our brow when South Florida wants to be known as USF.

South Florida needs a few more decades and some championships to earn its initials. Tradition is the same reason schools like, oh, Georgia end up in the preseason poll each year whether they deserve it or not. It's called brand recognition.

I just bought the brand, Mike, so back off.

You want to curb the drinking? Work with the city of Jacksonville and the University of Florida to make all those parking lots around Alltel alcohol free. Let me know how that goes. I'm guessing you won't get to your second cup of morning coffee before Johnny Bulldog buzzes your private line raising holy hell.

Johnny wants his RV, parking pass and Jack, not necessarily in that order. Not an O'Doul's roundtable.

So, in the end this isn't really an argument about free speech or alcohol. It's about commerce. The right to bear T-shirts and sell the heck out of them to my customers. No hard feelings, though. I can get you an XL wholesale.

By the way, I meant to write this sooner but there's still football to cover. I've been busy researching Vanderbilt's bowl possibilities.

Regards,

Dennis Dodd
President/CEO
WLOCP Properties Inc.