A short Malicious this week, a short sweet, lovely MMM as we cover the NBA Finals, and ponder what Paris Hilton looks like while wearing an electronic monitoring bracelet.
Malicious Delicious addresses a potpourri of readers and using words like "potpourri" makes us look smart. Onward with the mail because this is what we do, better than anyone, in the history of the world.
"Hey Mike--In NY, A-ROD, Jeter and other Yankees are the equivalent of a Hollywood type that gets followed by The Paparazzi," wrote a reader, "so why SHOULDN'T they be taking pictures? According to reports, A-ROD and the blonde had dinner, went to a strip club, and went upstairs after midnight. Taking an elevator up to your room with a beautiful blonde bombshell after midnight of course is not illegal, but what do you think his wife has to say about it? And how about the fact that the Yankees are in the middle of turmoil right now? Should we chalk this up to A-RODs way of taking the edge off during the losing streak, or should it be looked at as being un-focused on the job at hand?"
He was focused on the job at hand. And that job was canoodling with the mistress. C'mon people. Grow up. Next!
"I agree -- who cares -- but we are talking about AROD here the highest paid baseball player of all time --not like they are following Morgan Ensberg around. Just a thought."
Who in the Wide World of Sports is Morgan Ensberg? You must be referring to Morgan Fairchild.
"Mike, concerning your article on dog-fighting and hunting, for the most part, I agree with you. But I would suggest that drawing a parallel between the two activities is not as precise as you would make it seem. Dog-fighting involves much more suffering for the animals involved, and can last much longer. Secondly, while I do not approve of most hunting, some species are putting significant pressure on the environment mostly due to the fact that we killed off the predators that control those populations, and need to be regulated, such as deer. But for the most part, hunting should require the skinning, gutting, butchering, and eating of the animal, or should otherwise be viewed as poaching. And in my view, it should be illegal to kill any apex predator, period. These animals are far too rare, and fragile for humans to take joy in killing them. Good work."
A note to e-mailers: This is what MMM calls an excellent letter. Reasoned, smart and not full of racist diatribe. Take notes.
"I totally agree with your views on hunting. The difference between Papelbon and Vick is that shooting dicks is legal. I don't like it, but that's the difference."
Well I sure as hell hope that shooting dicks is illegal.
The e-mailer meant ducks and of course Malicious is just juvenile child to reprint his typo. But damn that was funny.
Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen. You're next!
"I suppose you'll get a lot of negative response from your hunting vs. dog-fighting column," wrote a brilliant reader. "I was humored and saddened to read a few replies that called you an ignorant racist. It may very well be that you are both, but I didn't get that from your column. I think it was poignant and right-on. I enjoy your columns, so keep them coming. Please feel free to use this feedback as a coupon to offset let's say five or so that will rip you apart for being a racist idiot."
"Equating have man's best friend, fight-to-the-death with hunting is just inane," said one bloodthirsty hunter who shoots Bambi. "Was it a slow news week? Isn't the NBA having it's post-season now? Aren't the Stanley Cup playoffs starting? Those are the ONLY ducks which should be discussed."
What are these Stanley Cup playoffs you speak of?
"I enjoyed your Kelly Sutton column -- an inspiring story of gritty determination and positive attitude, qualities too often ignored in our professional athletes of today. I want you to think about this: Have you ever considered making these types of columns your own? Why not establish Freeman and Doyel as the good cop-bad cop of CBS SportsLine? Doyel hates and Freeman loves - a bit of FreeLove. The Doyel-thing doesn't suit you, and writing positive columns about honest, hard-working athletes will endear you to your scathing critics. There is absolutely no reason a columnist cannot tap into the ocean of underreported feel-good stories behind the genesis of most professional athletes. Maybe not all of them had MS, but most them had to work their tails off. You have no future in caustic wit."
Oh, but I do, you sanctimonious twit.
Although FreeLove does have a nice ring to it...