Hate Mail: It's redundant, but a good redundant

Updated Jan. 17

Every week it's the same thing. We meet here in this space, and two themes emerge: Sex, and I suck.

Wait! Those are two completely separate themes!

Oh brother. I wish Hate Mail would hurry up and start.

From: David

You look like a true jock-sniffer, Gregg. A guy who went through the locker room picking up jock straps.

True, David. And I noticed yours was an extra small.

From: Gary

I've never liked the Chargers, but I started pulling for them the moment the Indy fans booed the 14-year-old Punt, Pass and Kick girl because she was representing the Patriots. I'm glad you lost, Colts, since your fans are jerks. Wow. I didn't even say anything negative about Doyel. I must be growing soft.

Technically you don't "grow" soft. Anatomically impossible. Not that I would know of such things.

From: NC Tigah

On Jan. 4 you wrote a highly sarcastic column about Les Miles. In light of the game's result, why wouldn't you write a follow-up piece reconsidering your opinion post-Jan. 8? Contrition under certain circumstances is appropriate adult behavior.

You post pictures of college cheerleaders on a questionable site -- looked you up, Tigah -- and you're lecturing me on appropriate adult behavior? Stay away from our sons and daughters, you idiot.

From: Rocco

It's been too long since I was able to read your stuff. My PC went bonkers and I finally got it back up. A tip to you and every reader: Don't buy HP. The worst customer support this side of the Milky Way. Anyway, I couldn't help but enjoy the dopey "Jim Tressel is a better coach" article. Tressel sucks, and so did that article. Great to have you back ... or to be back.

I missed you, too. Especially the part where you said my article sucks. I don't get enough of that.

From: Geaux Tigers

Your article sucks.

Sigh.

From: the www.firenorv.net guy

Regarding your story on Norv Turner: I had to eat my words, too.

At least you didn't call your site www.NitwitLesMiles.com.

From: Mark B.

Mother of God, that photo of the governor of Hawaii. That's a man, man.

I wasn't going to say anything, Cousin, but I thought she resembled Rick Neuheisel. But then, he's not the most masculine joker I've ever seen.

From: Brent

Sadly, the term "drive-by media" now officially applies to sports writers. Even more unfortunate is the patently obvious fact that this beneficiary of affirmative action for whatever his neglected class may be, which cannot be discerned by simply viewing his smug profile on the webpage of his employer, has not the foggiest idea of the short-term impact of the ill-timed, mean-spirited and disingenuous departure of Rich Rodriquez, not simply as to WVU, but to the state at large. Master Doyel clearly does not have a sufficient fund of knowledge to speak to the issues he criticizes, at least as to WVU, the state or Gov. Manchin. But then again, this editorial reminds me that we should not expect much from sportswriters, few of which are worth the value of their pen and paper.

Write like you talk, you pompous ass, not like you're being graded by an airhead college professor.

From: Len

Fantastic piece. Right on the money. That Ohio State team stayed glued together as one cohesive, united unit. No, seriously, good article.

My only comfort is that, as bad as my article was, Ohio State was worse. One of my life's mantras has always been: Show me a bigger loser, and I'll be fine.

From: Burton DeWitt

Best-Hate-Mail-Column-Ever. I always knew you had it in you.

Thank you, but Hate Mail is only as good as the letters that come in. Or only as bad. Or whatever. What I'm saying is, this entire thing is out of my control. I'm a handsome, virile pawn.

From: Pimpster Tom

You're probably a nice person, but this is by far the dumbest article I've ever read. I'm a really smart guy -- third-year med student at UCLA -- so I'm damn smart and I know it. For you to say that not only did the Colts lose the game, but that San Diego was in some way, shape or form helped by Indy is simply wrong and moronic. I chose to read your article, and I know you're entitled to your opinion, but there is absolutely such a thing as a wrong opinion -- and you're most definitely wrong and even stupid in this case.

With your personality, you'd better become a pathologist.

From: CT Hoosier

There is something I'm really curious about. If you could eat any sandwich in the world, what would be it be? Don't be stingy on the details. My dream sub is turkey, roast beef, bacon, American cheese, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles, fried eggs, fried onions and peppers, black pepper, mayonnaise with chili powder ... on a large grinder roll. They don't have it in China.

Of course they don't -- 1.3 billion Chinese people can't be wrong. As for me, I'd like some grilled chicken and BBQ sauce, please. On whole wheat. I'm easy.

From: Jeremy K.

What an absolute awesome article about Philip Rivers. After last week's game I was like most fans ... pissed off and bitching about the way he acted. Quite frankly I hated the bastard, but your column shed new light and I think you may have just changed my mind about Rivers.

I changed your mind with a single column? Wow. I feel this surge of power through my fingers, like anything is possible.

From: Joe C.

What a terrible Colts/Manning story you wrote.

Surge gone.

From: Jim P.

Have you been smoking in the parking lot with Prisco, you hick? Rivers couldn't carry Tom Brady's jock on his best day.

Typical Boston sports fan, arrogant and self-centered all at once. You sound fat.

From: Brave Sir Robin

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Monty Python was cool until Clay Aiken got involved.

From: Patrick L.

I usually enjoy your writings -- they are quite provocative, which for a writer is gold -- but you are wrong on two points: Peyton is part of a team, a captain and a leader. It was both what he did, and did not do, that lost the game. He didn't pick up his game when others weren't. He choked in the clutch. And those interceptions were not totally the receivers' fault. If Manning had placed them better, they would not have happened.

I don't mind being provocative and wrong. Beats being boring and right. Unless my boss is reading this, in which case what I meant to say is ... screw it. I stand by what I said. I'm terminally stubborn, but dammit I'm provocative.

From: Herb

What a horrible article. Do you get paid for this garbage?

Not enough, considering how provocative I am.

From: Moose V.

Your assertion that Dungy's home life was a distraction makes you a typical sports writer who simply needs to fill space with something. Get original. Two teams played. Give all credit to the winners.

Your assessment of my "assertion" -- one sentence in a story nearing 1,000 words -- makes you a typical reader who simply needs to bitch about something. Get smart. Lots of words were written. Give credit to the winner who wrote them.

From: Earl

Why does LeBron James call himself the King of Alaska?

Hahahaha. Looks like someone's been reading Dribbles.

From: Jake Storm

It appears that you and all the other Peyton Manning sympathizers are suffering from PMS. Face it, Peyton reverted to the Peyton of old. Excluding his championship season, he has been the Wilt Chamberlain of football. Every year he has gaudy stats but in the end collects lovely parting gifts for second place. Willie Shakespeare the great Elizabethan sportswriter had Peyton's career in mind when he wrote: It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

The originality of your e-mail almost overcomes the cheesiness of your name.

From: Tom K.

Once again we have an East Coast bias. Your statement that the Colts lost the game is not accurate. The Chargers' defensive plan was to keep plays in front of them and force turnovers. That's exactly what happened.

The Chargers' plan was to let Manning throw for 400 yards and three touchdowns -- and more like 500 yards and five TDs had his receivers hung onto his passes? Your football acumen is lacking. And your geography sucks. Find Indianapolis on a map.

From: Jon

You are the most ignorant columnist I have ever read, and your sports opinion is worthless. That is all. Happy holidays.

Happy holidays? Which holiday, MLK Day? Next time you blow my whole world up, please be more punctual.