Taking time out to take stock of where managers sit
Tony La Russa, St. Louis: The unfashionable Cardinals (not the Cubs, not the Brewers, but right there nonetheless) despite no closer, the illusion of a rotation and with the usual number of injuries and research-born tinkering that should have retarded their progress but didn't. Does this not scream Don Nelson?
Lou Piniella, Cubs: Everyone says he has the best team in the National League, and they're performing that way. On the other hand, everyone stares at him so much when they watch the Cubs that he is starting to seem like our inordinate fascination with Bill Belichick, focusing away from the news.
Cecil Cooper, Houston: Not expected to do well, and aren't. Without Lance Berkman, you wouldn't even know the Astros are there at all. He's Dick Jauron, and we'll give you a minute while you Google Dick Jauron.
Manny Acta, Washington: Can't score, can't pitch well, and yet people admire his work as well as his low profile. In this operation, keeping your dignity is hard enough as it is, thus Casey Stengel's years with the Mets come immediately to mind if only Acta were more of a yarn-spinner and about 35 years older.
Joe Girardi, New York Yankees: If Tampa has shot its bolt, the Yankees are pretty well set ... unless they really can't pitch. Then he has that offseason meeting with Hank Steinbrenner, and then Tampa explodes. He's George Patton, only remember how it ended for Patton.
Dave Trembley, Baltimore: About where they should be based on the numbers, better than they should be based on everything else. Still too amorphous to get a real handle on, a bit like Cutty in The Wire.
Clint Hurdle, Colorado: Well, when we say Colorado, we're stretching the definition a bit, as he hasn't had the team he had last year for more than about 45 minutes. He also remains someone not to be messed with just on face alone, which makes him Ricky Hatton.
Bud Black, San Diego: Petco Park having been built without bat racks, it's hard to believe the Padres were in contention last year. Watching Jake Peavy master the 3-1 loss is getting hard. But at least they're not underachieving, and Black is maintaining the most even keel possible. Stephen Wright even. At this point, almost too even.
Jim Leyland, Detroit: This is what happens when you aim for 1,000 runs –- you get 800 runs. Not his fault, really, but the frustration he has tamped down isn't going to stay down forever. In that way, he will be Tony Stewart. The Old Tony Stewart. The Fun Tony Stewart.
Bob Melvin, Arizona: He will catch some grief for managing the division winner with the sub-.500 record, but what's he supposed to do, try to finish second? And if he does win, well, the parallels to the '73 Mets, their 82-79 division-winning record and their own catching manager, Yogi Berra, are too weird to completely ignore.
Bruce Bochy, San Francisco: They are who we thought they were, so that means, yes, Dennis Green.
Terry Francona, Boston: Perfectly positioned, and just waiting to find that last starting pitcher. On the verge of being Kyle Busch.
Ozzie Guillen, Chicago White Sox: There is no parallel for Ozzie Guillen on this temporal plane, unless you want to say Kimbo Slice, only with game. And you probably don't want to.
Joe Torre, Los Angeles Dodgers: Is it a State Farm commercial he does? Geico? Allstate? Oh, and he still manages, too? He's Joe Torre, but the Dodgers ain't the Yankees.
Cito Gaston, Toronto; Jim Riggleman, Seattle: Handed tire fires, but while Gaston has his blaze about 50 percent contained, Riggleman doesn't even know who his next boss is going to be. Can't even venture a guess.
Charlie Manuel, Philadelphia: He's always two games away from being the worst human being in Pennsylvania. No wait, I lie. It isn't football season yet. He's Andy Reid.
Bob Geren, Oakland: The hardest manager to figure because his team was supposed to be awful, he has handled what he has quietly and consistently, but his team is playing five games lower than its run differential. This is probably a case where the one has nothing to do with the other. Don't know who he is, but he ain't Billy Beane.
Eric Wedge, Cleveland: If it gets any worse, it's hard to see him staying because, after all, no general manager ever misses a chance to panic when the public expects it. We do not wish it, but this looks like Michael Clarke Duncan in The Green Mile, complete with the gnats.
Bobby Cox, Atlanta: One extraordinary fact here. The Braves are 5-22 in one-run games, and while we know that is a function of luck far more than structural failings, 5-22 is a bitch. But Bobby stays in perpetuity in good times and not-quite-so-good times and will end up hailed as one of the best managers ever. Queen Elizabeth II has been around twice as long and will end the same way, although her pitching is far worse.
Ray Ratto is a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle.
