Hate Mail: Bread crumbs lead you back to Handsome and Greta

Updated July 24

I ripped Fox News' Greta Van Susteren last week. She ripped back. And then her fans piled on.

The whole thing is ridiculous, right down to the way Greta Van Dictionary quibbles over the definition of the word "friend." She doesn't deny that her interview with Favre was a joke, or that he used her, or that she comes off as an acolyte. No, Greta Van Angry doesn't deny any of that.

She simply denies that she is, in my words, "a Favre family friend."

If Favre doesn't consider her a friend, why would he pick her for his big interview? See my point, Greta Van Busted?

Enough. Let's do Hate Mail.

From: Justin

If you want to gain credibility with your readers, you need to check your facts. Greta is not a Favre family friend. Further, calling her a "sucker" is not what people want to read -- people like Greta.

I've never concerned myself with "what people want to read." I'm more interested in "what I want to write." For example, I want to call people names.

From: J. King

"Butthead Brett?" In your picture you appear to be in your early 30s. However, I'm not convinced you're not 5 or 6. Try a little professionalism.

I'm 38, but I'd look great for 28. As for the meat of your note, you must have missed the memo -- calling people names is the new professionalism.

From: Neil

Brett Favre is talented, successful and famous. You are not.

Bullcrap, you butthead. I'm at least one of those. Probably two. And after taking on Greta Van Scientology, I'm all three.

From: BamaFan61

You need to use a calculator before you put numbers into your ACC football article. The cost of 130 people to play golf at $260 per person is $33800 -- not $338,000. Don't quit your day job to become a math teacher.

You need to let someone read my stories to you. I was counting dimes, not dollars. No wonder you're from Alabama.

From: Ben

Dude, it looks like you slapped this ACC article together in 10 minutes on vacation without checking any facts. The ACC is based in Greensboro, N.C. -- not Greensboro, Ga. And check your math on the cost of that golf event -- it's $34,000, not $340,000. From your past, I'd expect better.

Where did you go to school, Ben ... Alabama?

From: Ben

I take it all back. You said 338,000 dimes. And it WAS in Greensboro, Ga. My bad!

Aww. I take back what I said about Alabama.

From: Andrew

Once again your articles and Hate Mail slay the tools who dare oppose you. When will these mere mortals -- and Freeman -- learn you are the Zeus of sports writing?

I'm not trying to slay anyone, but if responding to readers were a game of basketball, I could fool around and get a triple-double.

From: jim k

You're dead to me, f---got.

I didn't even know you were alive.

From: Burton DeWitt

My recent e-mail -- by recent I mean about four minutes ago -- to Mike Freeman: "Besides the fact that your cheap shot at Gregg Doyel was not funny, writing just 'Doyel' on first reference is both impolite as well as journalistically incorrect. Thank you." You are welcome.

I'm so far inside Freeman's head, I'm having dinner next with his cerebral cortex. If I can find the tiny thing.

From: Steve

When will you people at CBS learn to check the facts before you open your stupid mouths? Dan Rather is old, stupid, and out to get President Bush. What's your excuse for going after Greta Van Susteren?

Could be I'm just old, stupid and out to get Greta Van Gettable.

From: Elizabeth

You owe Greta Van Susteren an apology. I hope you went to her blog to see what she -- and all of us -- have been saying about your misleading accusations. Be a man and print a correction. Otherwise a whole lot of Greta's fans will be contacting your boss! Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy!

Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy? Ma'am, this is Hate Mail, not kindergarten.

From: Glenn

I now think you've lost your mind. How can you want to eliminate the Tour de France, yet think baseball is still OK? All of the excitement of Sammy and Mac in the 1990s was shattered by doping. Yet I haven't heard you call for baseball to go away.

But I would miss baseball, whereas I wouldn't miss cycling one bit. It's pretty much all about me.

From: CT Hoosier

I hate the Tour, too. But bicycles? I love those. In fact, it makes gas prices more tolerable if you stop and think about the absurd masses of lard and steel that roll around town all day. Being lean is being green.

Then I'm the greenest SOB you ever saw.

From: Jason

Let me ask you something, pard. Do you really think anyone could be "stupid," as you call Favre, and still lead a complicated West Coast offense to a championship while racking up three MVPs? Just by looking at your Gomer Pyle of a picture, I could see why you would need some attention.

Is Gomer Pyle one green SOB, too?

From: Anthony Pate

I think you f---ing suck! Your Brett Favre article is total bulls---! And the only reason you are changing your opinion on Favre is because you are part of the media, and the media is as wishy-washy as a presidential candidate!

You know what really pisses me off? It pisses me off that your vote in the next election will equal mine. An idiot like you can cancel me out. What a country.

From: Andy Tynes

As a Wake Forest graduate and fervent fan of the Deacon football team, I appreciate your backhanded compliment of Jim Grobe. Kind of.

Backhanded? That was as nice as I can possibly be. But then, I'm not all that nice.

From: Lizzie

Greta got you, Gregg. Be a big boy and apologize.

Apologize for what? For saying she's friends with the family? Good grief. You people -- that's right, I'm dropping a "you people" on you people -- are a bunch of silly sheep.

From: T J Baudhuin

I didn't read your column, but ...

But WHAT? It's bad enough to get Hate Mail from Greta Van Shepherd's sheep. Now I'm getting Hate Mail from people who haven't even read the damn column?

From: Joe

Hi Gregg! I recently heard you on 670 The Score and you made reference to an article you once wrote about Brett Favre regarding him having a street named after him. I Googled it, as you said to do, but have been unable to find it.

Here it is. Now, the next thing I want you to do is write a very large check and put it in a very small envelope and mail it to me.

From: Rocco

You backpedaling (wimp)! I knew you were going down the tubes with your crap-tastic articles and the ruination of Dribbles, but now you're telling readers to "back off" on Brett Favre? YOU were the guy talking about him getting a one-way street in Green Bay because he is selfish, and now this?! This just drives home that you now officially suck. Freeman is writing better than you -- I hope that hurts. I'm not mad, just disappointed in you. Bad Doyel. Bad.

But I backpedaled again on Brett Favre! I'm back where I started, wanting to name a one-way street after him (preferably one located near a remedial learning center, in honor of Favre's intelligence quotient). I should be a cornerback, I've backpedaled so much on Brett Favre.

From: Matt

You know how I know you're gay? You quoted Kevin Costner.

I most certainly did not quote Kevin Costner. Last week in Hate Mail I quoted from Far and Away and from those pompous Allstate commercials, and 2-3 times a year I'll pull out my favorite line fromThe Natural, and just as a hunch, I'm guessing I'm about to quote from Tombstone. But I've never quoted Kevin Costner, and I never plan ... oh, wait. Yeah, I guess I did quote Kevin Costner. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

From: Thomas Burns

None of the major U.S. professional sports does even a decent job of testing for banned substances, while cycling does it best. The NFL, MLB and NBA are performance-enhanced jokes. Perform cycling-stringent testing to those sports and most franchises couldn't field a team. Kill the only sport that does a good job of catching cheaters? No, kill the sports that turn blind eyes to the cheating while pretending to have strong anti-drug policies. You blew it on this one, Gregg.

TB! After all these years together, are we fighting? Because I don't think I could bear it. I'm your huckleberry ... shoot, there I go quoting Val Kilmer in Tombstone.

From: Chad Baur

O'Doyel Doesn't Rule! Honestly, who are you to talk poorly of Brett Favre? You're a parasite feasting on others' problems. Imagine doing the thing you love for 90 percent of your life -- for you, playing with Star Wars dolls -- and then just giving it up for forever? Have you ever been in that position? What would you do if someone took away your Luke Skywalker doll?

Now you're hitting close to home. I still have my old Evel Knievel doll action figure. That thing is made of rubber, and you can bend him every which way. Fun for hours.

From: R. Gates

Have you sent Greta Von Gullible your sparring schedule? Verbal potshots are meaningless -- settle it like the real men you are.

Hahahaha. Tell Greta Van Tomato Can I'm fighting again this weekend in Mount Healthy, Ohio.

From: Jonathan

You remind me of an Eminem wannabe.

I appreciate it. Eminem is the most talented writer of my generation. And I'm second.

From: Charles Janssen

Who cares what you think?

Greta Van Sensitive cares.

From: Name Withheld

You're a clueless ass. My 3-year-old has more brains than you. Unless you have any idea what Brett has meant to that franchise, shut the hell up. He is a god and is the face of the NFL. Go get a real job you s---head. Write back if you have the guts.

Greta, is that you?