Hate Mail: I say treason, then you defy reason

Updated Aug. 14

I'm confused. Two weeks ago you called me a liberal commie pig because of my column ripping the U.S. Army for its treatment of Detroit Lions draft pick Caleb Campbell.

This week you're calling me a conservative Nazi racist because of my column on Olympic turncoats.

Those are diametrically opposing viewpoints, which means you can't all be right.

But you can all be wrong.

Think about that. Or not. As usual, Hate Mail is more than happy to think for you.

From: Michael Clouse

Foolish article. Leave this kind of neo-con crap to Bill O'Reilly!

Neo-con? Me? You must have missed last week's hate mail. Plus George Bush sucks. And not just a little bit.

From: Rock

You're one dumb piece of work. Your self-righteous "nationalism" reminds me of Nazi Germany. America is hated around the world because of idiots like you and GWB.

So I'm a neo-con and a Nazi? At least we agree on Bush.

From: EEC

You come across as a bigot, no matter how much icing you put on this dung pile of an article.

A neo-con, a Nazi and a bigot? I must be a moron, too, to print these accusations.

From: Jay

You're a moron.

It's official.

From: David

You are the definition of a coward. Kind of feminine too.

What kind of feminine coward challenges a reader to fight? I do. Right about now ...

From: Bryan Bowman

Once again you point out the crutch of most sports writers. Most of you have never played sports in your life. Your non-athletic background is exposed!

Sigh. I was all-state in baseball as well as soccer, I've shot in the low-80s in golf, broken 20 minutes for three miles -- and now I box. I'm 3-0 with two knockouts and hoping to turn pro soon, but don't take my word for it. Come to Fairfield (Ohio) Boxing any Monday or Wednesday night, Bryan, and expose me some more.

From: J.R.

Loved the article about Olympic carpetbagging. Usually your stuff makes me want to hurt small animals, but you brought up an interesting point.

Sounds like someone's coming around to my writing charisma.

From: J.R.

Crap, I'd just finished commenting about your Olympic article when I found your Coach K article. It seems you're on quite a roll. Keep it up!

Keep WHAT up? Maybe I should turn down my charisma a notch.

From: Rich Ede

I'm glad Bernard Lagat doesn't represent you. He doesn't represent the bigots and jingoists who resent those who came to America because of the opportunity it represents. By the way, Gregg, how many generations ago did your ancestors get off the boat?

Mine got here from Germany at about the same time as Chris Kaman's. And I can promise you I would never represent Germany in any international competition. Nothing against Germany, but I'm an American. This stuff isn't hard, people.

From: Ryan

It's not as simple as black-and-white, you dumbass. Life is a great shade of gray. You come across like some backwoods Confederate redneck simpleton.

Backwoods Confederate redneck simpleton. That sort of stings.

From: Zach

Stop writing things I agree with. I hate it because then I can't hate you, and then I won't make it onto hate mail. Which along with getting a Wikipedia page is one of my goals in life.

Here you go, Zach. And I'll be honest. The day I discovered this thing was one of the highlights of my sad little life.

From: Jay

I usually don't get wrapped up in sports commentary. So take this for more than the words say: Citizen Lame may be the best sports column I have ever read.

Kiss me. Well ... hug me.

From: Ben

Thank you for putting your stupidity out there -- in black and white, as it were -- for all to read.

As it were? That phrase made me look you up. I had to know what kind of elitist fool writes "as it were," and I found the answer. You majored in Victorian literature. So now it makes sense. If you will.

From: Brian Thompson

I may be Canadian, so you don't care about my opinion, but I won't read another article you write.

You may be Canadian? Does that mean you may not? I don't think you're smart enough to read another article I write.

From: Michael Boscariol

I've never read a more inappropriate column. Your employers should seriously consider your tenure at CBS.

No worries, Mike. I've already got my next job lined up.

From: Eric Goldthorpe

Great article! My thoughts exactly! My co-workers and I are sitting around on break talking about it right now.

Clearly your workplace is populated by highly paid intellectuals. Sounds like I would fit in just fine there, should my employers ever seriously consider my tenure at CBS.

From: David

You, sir, make me sick! You should take your own advice and go camping for two weeks, or build a swing-set for the children I hope and pray you don't have. The last thing we need is more folk believing as you do.

I've got two boys, and they're Mini-Me's. Well, one of them is. The other one ... I don't know where the hell he got his genes.

From: Jay

That's why you are an a--hole ...

Because I joke about my own son's genetic makeup? I didn't specify which son. If one of them ever stumbles onto this on the Internet, I'll tell him I was talking about the other one.

From: John

Generally over the last few years I have not liked your articles because of the way you choose to make your points. Too often you go on the side of throwing insults. In this article you were correct to do so. This is by far the best piece I have read from you in about a year, but that is probably because I have avoided your articles for about that long.

You're as supportive as a torn jockstrap.

From: Scott

Terrible article, poor reasoning, poor topic, poorly written.

Perhaps, doubtful, possibly, no way in hell.

From: MGoBlueFanatic

Your article on the traitors at the Olympics is so on-target, it should be required reading. Traitor is the ONLY word to describe what they're doing, and I'm thrilled someone had the guts to print it.

I've definitely got guts. In fact they once protruded into my genital region, which is why I had to have sports hernia surgery. That sucked.

From: Laning

Regarding the Olympics ... what kind of narcissistic ass are you? This isn't about YOU!

It's not? Go to the top of this story. Or that story. Look at the name up there. Look at the face in that picture. Unless I'm mistaken -- and as far as the picture goes, I wish I was -- that's me.

From: Nathan Coleman

Ridiculous article about the Olympics. Us against them? This borders on racism.

It borders on racism against whom? My column specifically goes after some white people, some black people, a Jewish guy and a few Catholics. You border on intellectually lazy.

From: Thad Moren

I came to your site to ream you for your Olympics story, but your picture shows you as a white balding nerd. You couldn't hurt an egg if you tried. Go ahead, come back at me with the best you got. My dad just died while I was holding his hand five hours ago. Nothing you say can phase me.

I'm speechless.

From: Coop

Griffey and Dunn were traded not long after your article on them -- Reds fans everywhere thank you. Now please write an article on Dusty Baker so he will get the hell out of Cincinnati too.

But Dusty looks so good with a wristband on each forearm.

From: Burton DeWitt

I read what you wrote about Andruw Jones. SABERMETRICS will argue that most players' primes fall between 25 and 29, not at 31. And you don't want to argue with SABERMETRICS, not on my watch.

Is it a rule that SABERMETRICS be written in all caps? Sort of ominous.

From: Andrew Harrington

I'm a Braves fan, so I know all about Andruw Jones' successes -- but now he's as bad as Freeman.

Aww. Poor Freeman.

From: Kevin Green

This was the most offensive article I've ever seen on CBSSports.com.

Really? Kevin, meet Freeman.

From: Gene Ekema

I'm Dutch American. I was born in Holland, Mich. Do not insult us Dutch by calling Davey Johnson "Dutch." Don't know what he is, but he ain't one of us.

Hahahaha.

From: Patrick

How you ever got a job is beyond me. Your articles are terribly written, and it's obvious you do no research. I mean this with all my heart, and not as some over-the-top slam: You're terrible.

This is like telling Emeril he can't scramble eggs. I can't take you seriously.

From: David Alvarey

The problem is that America, and the world, has undergone a complete transformation of what is right and good. Well stated, and I'm happy to see someone in the media has the courage to say something worthwhile.

I have more courage than common sense. Always have. Sometimes that doesn't work out so well for me.

From: Richard

You've embarrassed yourself with this article.

To the contrary. It was some of my finest work. (Your snide comment here.)

From: Bill T.

This all started when John Candy led the Jamaican bobsled team. Can't put the genie back in that bottle.

May that fat slob rest in peace.

From: Rob

You're a blatant and useless knockoff of the Sports Guy on ESPN.com.

I like him, and he's good, but he's a knockoff of me. I was here first.

From: Caskey Miller

I will never read your column again.

And I will never again buy that Andy Warhol rip-off garbage you call art.

From: RDChokjo

Hey Doyel, who made you the immigration cop? If you don't like the Olympics, don't watch. Don't write about it. Like you said, build your kids a fort in the backyard for the next two weeks.

Nope. In addition to a tool such as yourself, I hate hammers. When it comes to carpentry, I'm absolutely prejudiced.

From: Wade

You're an idiot! We're all from somewhere else -- Native Americans are the only folks from this land. America doesn't stand for where you were born. It stands for what you believe when you get here. However, I do respect your opinion.

Your first sentence doesn't really jibe with your last sentence.

From: Josh G.

Although your Duke columns irritate me, I have to agree with you on this one. If Bernard Lagat wins gold, it's not going to make me proud. Also, I believe it's unfair to true American runners like Alan Webb who could have run in his place.

You probably hate black people.

From: Joe C.

As an alumnus of Central Michigan, I'm usually excited to see fellow alumni doing great deeds. However, it appalls me that Chris Kaman sees his only way to become an Olympian is to essentially become a traitor. As a U.S. veteran it makes me sad.

And you must hate white people.

From: Marv

Your opinion could actually be a good one if you weren't so abrasive and rude about it. You come off as such a (jerk) that your point gets lost in the insults.

Meanwhile, you just hate me.

From: Matt Lucas

F---ing grow up. Little League teams now consist of all-star personnel from many different areas. As long as sport remains as big as it currently is, everyone will be looking for ways to better compete.

So let's just give in, huh? F---ing sack up and make a stand.

From: Aaron Hibbitts

Your article about athletes representing other countries is missing the whole point. You're so stuck on being patriotic that you forget the real point of the Olympics -- seeing the BEST athletes in the world compete and accomplish amazing feats no matter what country they're from.

I missed the whole point of my own article? Boy I really do suck.

From: Justin

You really need to think better about what you say. I doubt you would pass on an opportunity to experience something like the Olympics from an almost totally unique perspective: participant.

No wonder I missed the whole point of my own article -- I didn't think about what I wanted to say.

From: Eric L.

You've missed the point, Gregg. Kaman was invited by the German team. To say he shouldn't be welcomed by the Germans is banal. Please re-research and then repost your article.

OK, OK. First I missed my own point. Then I didn't think about what I wanted to say. And now I need to do more research. I feel like I'm back in journalism school with Mr. Patterson, who didn't realize I was the most talented person in the classroom. Himself included.