Shaquille O'Neal is 7 feet, 325 pounds of Teflon. He's untouchable. Impermeable. Truth is, I'm writing these words as fast as possible because at any second my computer could explode rather than be complicit in a critical column about O'Neal.
See, the machines probably are in on this conspiracy as well.
Lord knows enough people are.
|
|
| The Big Goofball doesn't seem so funny right now. (US Presswire) |
Read those last few words again.
... allegedly threatening to have a woman killed.
That's The Big Aristotle, your lovable Shaq-Fu. Kazaam. That's him.
Allegedly.
And I know you. You're going to cling to the word "allegedly" like a baby clings to its bottle, not because you believe in innocent-until-proven-guilty, but because you believe in Shaquille O'Neal. And I get why.
While other athletes were getting busted for DUI or domestic violence or even more vile bits of violence, O'Neal stayed above the fray. He wasn't on the crime blotter like Michael Vick or Brett Myers. He wasn't starting little Shaquille franchises all over the place like Shawn Kemp or Travis Henry. He was funny and approachable in his uniquely glowering, lumbering, enormous way. He was safe.
Only now, he seems a little dangerous.
O'Neal is scheduled to appear in court Sept. 4 in Atlanta, where a judge issued a restraining order against him last week after Georgia rapper Maryjane said he threatened her when she broke up with him earlier this summer.
Maryjane also is scheduled to appear Sept. 4. To get the restraining order, she filed court documents that reportedly accused O'Neal of breathing heavily over the phone, of threatening to blackball her career by paying off any musician tempted to work with her, of sending her "an unsolicited vulgar and offensive illustration of a man physically restraining a woman while forcing her to engage in sexual intercourse with him."
Maryjane's court filings also detail one piece of potentially damaging evidence, an electronic message she says came from O'Neal that said the following:
"I dnt no who the (expletive) u think u dealin wit u will neva be heard from one phone call is I gotta make now try me. Sho me."
If you don't understand idiot electro-speak, let me translate the key part:
You will never be heard from ... one phone call is all I have to make. Try me.
If that's true, that's bad. That's awful.
If it's true.
I'm not saying I believe it, not yet anyway. But I'm sure you don't. That's my point. Shaquille O'Neal has been accused of threatening to have a former lover eliminated, in addition to the rape imagery of that alleged "illustration," yet he remains untouchable. Impermeable. It's like Shaq Diesel always has a fresh coat of wax. Nothing sticks.
|
|
| FTballgenius: This entire column is about Doyle releasing some deep, dark, premediated thoughts and think everyone else feels the same way. Doyle needs to check his manhood and grow a couple. The column makes absolutely no sense. I say that becasue Shaq has been a role model, he doesn't exploit kids with his shoes or disrespect players on the court. I find this column more about the, "little man syndrom" than anything. D in Doyle stands for Duffus/Dork. He probably never piked up a ball in his life. |
|
|
| Gregg Doyel: First, it's Doyel. Says so on top of the story. Second, Shaq stopped being a role model five years ago when he mocked Yao Ming. Third, I happen to be a great athlete. Not a good one. A great one. And fourth, well, there is no fourth. But I think my top three suffice. |
| Click here for more Community reaction |
You've always seen the best in Shaq, even when he showed his ugly side, like when he pulled out the Asian-American version of blackface by saying the following about NBA rookie Yao Ming in 2002: "You tell Yao Ming, 'Ching chong yang, wah, ah so.'" Or when he clubbed Brad Miller in the back. Or when he crossed a 2000 Screen Actors Guild picket line to act in a commercial. Or when Kobe Bryant accused O'Neal of paying off former lovers to make them go away. Or when Shaq called Steve Nash's two MVP awards "tainted," or when Shaq wrote in his book that, "If you get dunked on by a white boy, you got to come home to your friends and hear it."
All of that was explained away by Shaq, by you, by friends in the media. The Yao Ming stuff was a joke, and when did we get so sensitive? Miller had it coming to him. Nobody cares about Hollywood. Kobe's a liar. Everyone knows white men can't jump. And as for the "tainted" comment, well, that's just Shaq being delightfully blunt.
People mostly laughed earlier this summer when O'Neal tore into Kobe while rapping at a New York nightclub, mocking Bryant for being unable to win the 2008 NBA Finals and reminding him that he is ring-less without Shaq: "Kobe, tell me how my ass taste."
Through it all, we love Shaq. Or at least, you do. Me, I'm not so sure anymore. Me, I'm waiting for that Sept. 4 court date, and for whatever comes next in the legal system.
If an Atlanta rapper named Maryjane can prove O'Neal sent her an electronic message saying "u will neva be heard from" and "one phone call is (all) I gotta make," Shaq won't be Shaq to me. He'll be The Big Homicidal.
