Updated Oct. 2
This week, a high school teacher expressed his disappointment in me. It happens on occasion, and the effect it has on me is probably not the effect the high school teacher is going for. What's the effect? Arousal. Plain and simple.
Nobody ever said Hate Mail was teachable. Or appropriate.
Wait until you get to the letters about my radio appearance in Alabama. And North Carolina. And ...
From: Anthony Gargano
As a high school teacher, I find it extremely offensive that you use the term "suck." How would you justify this type of language to students who are interested in going into writing?
I spoke last month to my old high school, Macon (Ga.) Stratford. The second sentence out of my mouth was something like this: "If there are any science teachers in the room ... bite me." So to answer your question, Anthony: You're asking the wrong guy. But my way with words has taken me a long, long way in this business. So you can bite me, too.
From: C. Jones
Hey Mr. Doyel, you came back to Stratford a few weeks ago. After hearing you talk, I thought I should look you up.
See!
From: Caleb Moore
What kind of columnist completely dismisses a legitimate point by simply stating: "I can't hear you"?
The kind who would tell high school kids about the time I held a urinary-challenged goat by his horns while a veterinarian gave him a sex change. True story. Poor goat. RIP.
From: Dan Patton
Leave your personal angst in the closet. If you're going to work as a national expert columnist, please try to make a little more sense.
No can do. Nonsensical angst is my specialty.
From: Steve May
You are entitled to your opinion, but is there any need to be so disrespectful? "Maybe Joe Paterno is a goth" -- is that really the best that you can come up with?
I thought it worked. No? Too much nonsensical angst?
From: Jim
Your racism towards Italians is undeniable.
Some of my best friends are Italian.
From: Coop
Three articles that got the axe from your boss? You need to e-mail those to me. Those have got to be must-reads.
Those suckers are long gone. I deleted them, emptied the trash bin and removed the hard drive. Then I tied the computer to a rock and threw it into the Ohio River. Jimmy Hoffa will read those three articles before you will. That lucky SOB.
From: Wayne White
You wrote this Bowden column trying to get a rise out of people. Trying to get your name on the radio talk shows?
Too late ...
From: Zebotaz
I just listened to your interview in Birmingham and you couldn't have been a bigger d--chebag. Al Del Greco wasn't asking you to disagree with your Nick Saban article. He simply questioned the premise and obviously hit a nerve, but you were unprofessional, condescending, and it made me cringe as a listener.
I guess he did hit a nerve. The way he worded his question, he was absolutely asking me to agree with his point -- which would mean disagreeing with my own. That'll hit the nerve every time. As I told him (among other things), don't ever do that to me. Ever.
From: Bobby
Your little rant in Birmingham this morning was totally uncalled for. You could have respectfully disagreed with Al. There's no need to tear someone down like that. But it was funny and it made for good conversation on the radio, so I'll thank you for that.
Any time. And with me, "any time" is a literal statement.
From: Ben
You're an egotistical maniac. You don't go on SOMEONE ELSE'S radio show and take cheap shots and low blows like you did. Act like the professional you are next time -- if there is a next time.
There's always a next time. Radio people love me. Until I crap the bed.
From: Mark S.
Al Davis' scrotum? Classic! Heard the interview with Jim Rome.
Did I mention Al Davis' scrotum to Rome? I don't recall.
From: Edward B.
I take exception with your comments about Michael Phelps on Bomani Jones' radio show in Raleigh, N.C. You called him stupid and tried to guess at how much of a loser he would be at 40, as well as assuming he made Mark Spitz look like a genius. Jerk.
Damn, I am a jerk. And I've gone national.
From: Daniel
Heard you in Birmingham this morning. Get a life and do yourself a favor and jump off a bridge.
Not sure your third request jibes with the first two.
From: John L.
Entertaining column on Nick Saban, and nice conclusion, but mostly BAH-loney! Maybe you deserve to get sissy-slapped with your own hands.
I promise you my own hands are more dangerous than this next guy's.
From: Britt Mason
You're a punk. Next time a radio station calls to interview you and you get (ticked) because you have erectile dysfunction, don't do it. If you don't like what I'm telling you, let me know and we can meet face to face and discuss your ED.
Tried to Google you, Britt, but I kept finding a bunch of teenage girls with your name. I hope that wasn't you -- ED is no topic for a teen to discuss.
From: Eric
You're a piece of (bleep) and if I ever see you I'm going to fight you.
Does any sportswriter get challenged to more fights than I do? Had my fourth amateur fight this the weekend, by the way. Ended it in the second round. I'm now 4-0 with 3 KOs. There's video somewhere. I'll find it.
From: Lance
You're such a jerk. I have defended you to my friends, but that will stop, You don't have a clue as to the mental state of people in the Houston area. I live here. I know how much of an escape the Astros' surge was. After Katrina, the NFL didn't make the Saints play their games in hostile territory.
Technically, the Saints played their 2005 "home" opener against the Giants ... in New York. So you're wrong. But good luck there in Houston. And get some smarter friends.
From: Mike
Georgia looked real fraudulent against Arizona State, you f---ing idiot,
This just in, a halftime score from Athens: Alabama 31, Georgia 0. Who's the f---ing idiot? (Um ... you are.)
From: Rick
I love this line: "Before Ramirez the Dodgers were a .500 team in second place in the NL West. With him they are 27-21 and leading the division by two games." Wow -- he has improved them by six whole games! Nice try.
You're right. My argument would have been so much better had the Dodgers been 37-21 with Manny. I considered writing it like that and blaming the "mistake" on a typo.
From: Steve
Heard you in Birmingham this morning. I would suggest backing off the caffeine.
That appearance was before my daily McGriddle-and-coffee.
From: Kenny
I'm sorry to have to say this, but Burger King's Croissan'Wich tops the McGriddle for best breakfast sandwich.
Normally I'm unflappable. Hate Mail doesn't get me down -- I'm above the fray. But this ... this monstrosity you call a letter is making my blood boil. I'll be back in a minute. I'm going to the nearest McDonald's.
From: Chris H.
You should buy Vince Young a McGriddle. Life just doesn't seem so bad with a cup of McDonald's coffee and a McGriddle.
Preach it. I'm at the point where -- when I stay in a hotel without a nearby McDonald's -- I'll go to the hotel restaurant and order French toast, bacon and scrambled eggs, just so I can make my own McGriddle. I'm obsessive-compulsive like that. And cute.
From: Kristian
Awful, awful article on Paterno. I just added you to my list -- OK, the list only has Dennis Dodd on it, but yay, it's growing -- of people to never read again.
From: Glenn
Great golf insight and an excellent analysis of the Raiders coaching situation all in one week. Did you go on vacation and leave the ghost writing to Freeman?
That hurts more than you'll ever know.
From: Keith Davis
What would your mother think of this journalism? Show a little class. Many might agree that Bowden and Paterno overstayed their time, but you made your point in a slimy, despicable way. If there is such a thing as karma, you are in deep trouble.
My rise to greatness is a living, breathing advertisement against the concept of karma.
From: Deryk E. Cumagen, ESPN
Gregg, seriously, you are a joke.
Never heard of you.
From: David B.
Gregg Doyel is the worst writer in all of sports. CBS, please fire him.
Geez, David, you're writing TO me. Do you really think I'm dumb enough to print this letter? Some people ...
From: Bryan R.
You arrogant little (jerk). If you want to tell us to shut up, why don't you come down here and stand in the middle of the Houston metro area and say it out loud?
Or here's an idea: I can write a column on a prominent website, attach my name and picture, and take whatever heat comes. LaTroy Hawkins called me that day. He wasn't happy, but he made his points in a classy fashion. Like I told him, I stand by what I wrote ... but I'm now a LaTroy Hawkins fan.
From: Jimmy
The genius Brown fans obviously were too stupid to understand your sarcasm in the article on Brady Quinn. Surprised? No.
Angry people don't make the most comprehensive of readers. I've noticed that.
From: Soham Joshi
Were you being sarcastic in your article about Brady Quinn? Just curious because I'm not too good at picking up on these things.
Aww. A little humility will disarm me every time. Yes, that was sarcasm. Next time I'll write s-l-o-w-e-r.
From: Javier
Just read your article about the Houston Astros and while I agree with you on some points, I believe you went too far just for the hell of it. You can't sympathize with us one moment and then blast us the next. Your comments were shallow, but hell, they were right on.
So my angst wasn't so nonsensical? That's improvement.
From: Cesar Maldonado
Why you don't shut your stupid mouth and start writing interesting columns? Bobolon.
Bobolon? Another day, another new word.
From: Burton DeWitt
I am sending you this from my new iPhone. That's right: Even when I am not anywhere near a computer, I can still email you.
You're starting to remind me of CT Hoosier.
From: Bob S.
Gregg, you're a d---. You must be a Chicagoan.
When in doubt, assume the writer comes from the "other" city. Congratulations, Bob. You win "Dumbest Comment of the Week." Check out your competition.
From: T-Bone from Houston
This commentary was unnecessary. Are you from H-town or even Texas? The trip to Milwaukee was totally unfair, but the players really didn't complain to the levels you wrote. You're really a bad person for writing this article.
They didn't? I gave specific examples of their complaints, and that's all I did. I'm not calling you a liar, T-Bone. I'm calling you dumb.
From: Rob
You are an insensitive, pompous ass. And a horrible journalist.
At least one of those adjectives is incorrect. Maybe more than one -- but maybe not.
From: Alan P.
Thank you for your comments on the Astros. Thank you for trying to introduce a little perspective. Our home in Galveston was destroyed, as was our business there. When all the slop is cleared, there will be no Galveston for years to come. Not like before. It's gone. Most people will not be reopening their businesses, and their all-important tourist trade is shot. If the Astros want to make the playoffs, play better baseball. If they want to suffer, they should spend some time in a shelter. Thanks for the article.
You make all the Hate Mail worth it, Alan. Good luck putting your life back together.
From: Matt H.
The Astros-Cubs games could've been played in St. Petersburg, but MLB used a disaster to stack the deck in the Cubs favor.
And so do you, Matt. Good luck pulling your head out of your ass.
