Hate Mail: Opinionated, yes? That's the idea
Updated Nov. 13
Penn State loses, I'm there to chronicle it, and somehow the whole thing is my fault. Like I'm the bad guy.
OK, I did point out how frail Joe Paterno was. And is. But that's reporting. Don't blame the messenger, people.
Ah, that's what you always so. That's why it's called Hate Mail.
We'll get to my Penn State fan club in a second.
From: Zach
I would like to know if you go off on radio hosts because they are so obnoxious, or is it just because you can't help yourself?
I'm afraid Deadspin has it right: I'm just a jerk.
From: Gregg C.
Even you had to be a little bit stung by Deadspin comparing you to Jay Mariotti.
I'm only stung, or surprised, by how much Deadspin doesn't like me. Deadspin is full of smug, anti-establishment, borderline-inappropriate grouches. I should be their friggin' poster boy.
From: Rick
Hahahaha! Deadspin compared you to Mariotti. That might be the biggest crotch-kick ever!
Actually, I was pleased for Mariotti. When you think about it, he's also being compared to me. What a thrill for him.
From: Tim Baranik
I never read a more one-sided article in my life than yours from Penn State. Thank you for the foul language also. My young son needed to see the word "bitching". Here's hoping somehow, some day, this article comes back to haunt you.
Haunt me, like from the grave? There's a better chance of your son growing hair on his chest. And with your genes, I don't like his odds.
From: PSU Tim
Don't come into Pennsylvania any time soon. And feel free to apply your lips to my buttocks.
If I can't come into your state, how am I supposed to kiss your ass? I've got some long body parts, but my lips are not among them.
From: PSU Steve
Go screw yourself.
You're getting closer to the right body part.
From: John
The world doesn't need people like you. Do you think your parents would be proud of you?
You write as if they're dead or something. They're not -- dead, I mean. They are proud.
From: Joe Rizzo
Remember that Penn State has the largest alumni of any university. I doubt that any of them will appreciate CBS sponsoring this kind of unwarranted attack.
Is that a threat? I'm a cockroach, man. You can't kill off a cockroach.
From: Dustin Anderson
Tell me something. If I sign up for a Doyel alert, will they send me an alert when you are fired?
Worth a try. But I'm a cockroach. How many times do I have to say it?
From: Brian
Wow, your biography is spot on. Worthless piece of garbage. Keep your opinions to yourself -- that is what's better for the world.
I wonder what goes through your mind when you finish my story and feel the need to read my bio. Was it shock? Was it awe? Send me a stamped, self-addressed envelope and I'll autograph a picture for you.
From: Mark Hughes
You're a tool. When you're 38 and use a quote by Eminem in your bio, people should ignore any nonsense that you spout.
When you're done with my bio, wash your hands.
From: Nittany Joe
I won't tell you what I think. You already know.
I do, and I'm blushing. Thank you, Nittany Joe. Thank you so much.
From: Justin C.
Doyel, your column is quite possibly the most entertaining sports column I've read. Opinionated, yes, but you're a f---ing columnist! If you want an article full of facts, look up your local beat writer.
I'm going to start using your words as some sort of sig, or auto-reply, or something.
From: Chris
Go jump off a high balcony, you idiot. You've always written crap and this is just another one in that long list.
Doyel, your column is quite possibly the most entertaining sports column I've read. Opinionated, yes, but you're a f---ing columnist! If you want an article full of facts, look up your local beat writer.
From: A. Friggin Moron
I want a candlelit dinner with you and CT Hoosier! I've been a regular known as "Will," but since that name is so generic, I've changed my name to grab your attention.
You've had my attention for months, Will. And the FBI's attention.
From: Shawn McDonald
Much as you're reveling in Penn State's loss, likewise we will all revel in your death following an abbreviated but very painful bout with brain cancer, thus saving us from further exposure to your column.
You're dark. Is it OK if I kind of like it?
From: Kenny
I'm taking a week off from Hate Mail. Hope you can fill out the page without my input.
OK, I'll try to muddle ...
From: Kenny
That lasted about 20 minutes, then I read Freeman's column on Iverson. How can he not realize that even if AI is a complete bust in Detroit, simply freeing up the cap space to rebuild is huge? I hope he gets one-fifteenth of your salary.
Nah, he gets closer to half.
From: Patrick
I'm unsure how Lane Kiffin will work out as a college coach, but I find your scathing column to be shortsighted and misled. I know you're here to ruffle feathers, but you can ruffle feathers and still sound intelligent. You should give it a shot.
From: Patrick
Sorry to write you twice in the span of 30 minutes, but you keep irritating me! Jeez! It's not like Texas Tech was a talent-less abyss before Mike Leach got there. He took over a solid, competitive program.
Someone's been looking around my archives. If you're not out of there in three days, we'll send a search party.
From: R.Gates
I have a kick-ass chocolate mousse recipe, if you'd like it.
You know where to send it. We'll start calling this thing Hate Emeril.
From: Chris H.
When are you going to write another good article? The last 6-8 weeks have been lackluster at best. The only thing I can talk about is that reader, Shannon. Why did she have to question your athletic prowess? If I see the link to your high school stats again I may disconnect my Internet.
From: Eddy
Marvin Harrison is a fraud? Then you are a nut job. You should be demoted to writing specials in Wal-Mart circulars.
"Attention, shoppers, you're being screwed by Target. Have you seen Wal-Mart's 40 percent savings on charcoal this week?" Hmmm. Could work.
From: Pellman
From one sports writer to another ... you, sir, are an absolute disgrace.
No idea who you are.
From: John
You have some anger issues, but I'll give you this -- you sure know how to sound petty and vindictive.
We discussed my anger issues last week. My petty and vindictive issues? Maybe that'll be next week.
From: Billybob
I'd spend lots to have JoePa spit right in your face.
The phlegm would probably just dribble down his chin.
From: Tom
Go die in hell.
Check that chronological order.
From: Mack Corbin
Do yourself a favor and take your picture off your article. You would have much more credibility if everyone couldn't see what a little weenie you really are. You are not and never will be Colin Cowherd.
The day I aspire to be Colin Cowherd is the day I hammer 12-inch nails into my skull.
From: Alex
Not sure whether you are more of an abomination or a simpleton.
A tougher reader would have said I was both.
From: Jon
This type of crap should not be allowed at CBS. It is not journalism or even an opinion -- it is drivel I would expect from a fourth-grader.
That would be one talented fourth-grader. That's a future William Faulkner, that fourth-grader.
From: Brian
You rip a legend, and then try to argue that Penn State fans should be happy with this loss. I find it unbelievable that a website pays you to offend people simply to get a reaction.
Simply to get a reaction? You make me sound like poison ivy. Or shellfish.
