There's a new movie coming out starring Michael Phelps. It's called "Slumdog Hotboxing."
By now you've seen that photograph of our Olympic hero. Phelps has his face so far down in that bong you'd think he lost one of his gold medals in it.
Relax, Mike, and the pass the dutchie to the left-hand side.
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| If you want to smoke, Michael, maybe you should stick with victory cigars. (Getty Images) |
What do Phelps and a US Airways flight have in common? Both get high before diving into the water.
They say there are just six degrees of separation between every human being on the planet, which explains the connection between Phelps and Nate Newton.
Stoned from New York, it's Saturday night!
Introducing, the Phelps diet: Eat 20 pancakes, drink five Yoo-Hoos, bong it up, more pancakes, some waffles, six liters of grape soda, bong it up, box of Entenmann's chocolate chip cookies, a carton of Krispy Kremes, six bags of Doritos, a pepperoni Hot Pocket, smoke some more good stuff, three steaks for lunch, jelly beans, and a Diet Coke. Delicious.
And the calories burn right off.
First, a DUI charge, and now this embarrassing moment for the Baltimore Buddha.
It's official. Phelps has entered douche-bag territory.
Sure, he's young, and sure, let he who hasn't done a little pot smoking in their youth cast the first bong.
But there are two problems. First, Phelps is receiving the kind of pass you rarely see athletes get. His sponsors are sticking by him and it seems many sports fans are defending Phelps as are members of the media.
"He made the kind of mistake a lot of 23-year-olds make," wrote John Feinstein in the Washington Post. "After living as disciplined a life as any human being has lived for most of 10 years, he let loose after his epic eight-gold performance at the Beijing Olympics. The case can be made that no athlete in history has been more entitled to party than Phelps."
Feinstein's one of the most talented sport authors of our generation but that's a little much.
He's entitled to break the law? Entitled?
Soldiers pulling their second tour in Iraq after seeing a buddy blown up by an IED might be entitled to a little smoke. An Army Ranger chasing down Al-Qaeda in the mountains of Afghanistan might be entitled.
Not a bratty swimmer.
And I would put the discipline of a college football player up against that of a swimmer any day. Yet no one would dare say that a Florida Gator player is entitled to smoke a little pot after winning the national championship.
That would be stoopid, right?
Can you imagine the reaction if a member of the Redeem Team, after winning the gold, was photographed making love to a bong with his face? Then justified it with Feinstein's excuse by saying: "I've been working hard. I'm entitled."
H-bomb.
Phelps is getting the "boys will be boys" pass when his DUI -- much more serious than bonging it at a party -- should exclude him from that club.
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| Scottyrica: Everyone is making this out to be way more than it should be, the kid made a mistake, admitted it, apologized for it. He is no worse than any athlete in the world, most of which involve themselves in acts for more outrageous, but dont get caught for them. Dont be pissed because Michael Phelps' sponsors aren't jumping ship to another swimmer (i mean seriously who else are they gonna sponsor). Phelps is receiving just as much flak as any other athlete whose gotten caught smoking, the authorities are even attempting to try to pursue him legally if they can find out the location of this "OUTRAGEOUS ACT". So calm down, roll one yourself Freeman, and go get juiced up for Lebron in MSG tonight. |
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| Mike Freeman: Thanks for the token' love but if I roll up a fat one, CBS might drug test me. That is, they might drug test me more than usual. As I've stated before, pot isn't a big deal. I just find it difficult to believe that if an NBA or NFL player had a DUI arrest and then that humiliating photo that advertisers would stick by that player. Just my two cents. |
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The larger point is Phelps himself. He possesses a sense of arrogance and self-entitlement many of us didn't spot until now, a combination of Ko-Me Bryant and Manny Ramirez.
This quote from the newspaper that broke the story was more troubling than the picture itself. One of the partygoers explained that Phelps was "out of control from the moment he got there."
Is he entitled to be out of control, too?
Phelps was on the cover of Time magazine and is one of the most recognized figures in the world. Only unrefined petulance would make him think he could go in public, hit a bong and not have his face all over cyberspace in five minutes.
The shock is it took this long for that picture to get out.
Phelps doesn't seem to yet understand that his every move is watched, his every breath measured. Well, actually, now maybe he does.
Because now the punch lines are rolling:
One day Michael Phelps smokes a little weed, then heads to swim practice. On his way there, still stoned, he sees a car accident. A man emerges from the wreck and says, "Call me an ambulance."
Phelps, giggling, responds, "OK, you're an ambulance."
