Hate Mail: When hate takes break, outright panic remains
Updated April 30
Yes, it's called Hate Mail, but that's misleading. It's an exaggeration, a diversion. A lie. People love me, and today I'm -- you're -- going to prove it.
See, Hate Mail took a week off recently because the author -- I'm an author! -- took a week off. And people noticed. And they were not pleased. Why? 'Cause they like me.
From: Harris P.
Way to kiss Tiger's ass. I hate you.
OK, not everyone likes me. But some people do.
From: Burton DeWitt
Where the f--- is hate mail? You're an hour late.
They just show their affection in a strange way.
From: Thomas Burns
Kind of screws up my ability to keep up with the passing of the week when Thursday has no Hate Mail. Makes me think I might be reliving Wednesday. No Andie MacDowell in sight though.
I'm a God. I'm not THE God. I don't think.
From: Jeffrey K.
You know what ... it would probably be better if you just did a Hate Mail for this afternoon, and then another one for tomorrow afternoon. Yeah, that would make work go by faster.
Poor guy. You wrote this a few days into my vacation. You had no idea that Thursday was going to roll around and there wouldn't be ...
From: Jeffrey K.
IT'S FRIDAY. WHERE THE FU** IS HATE MAIL!?!?!?!?
Some of these people scare me.
From: Kenny
Slow on Hate Mail. ... Bored, Gregg, do something.
But not you, Kenny. You don't scare me.
From: Kenny E.
Still no Hate Mail? Even I'm calling for your firing, Gregg. This laziness will not go unpunished.
Starting to scare me.
From: Kenny E.
Lame, a whole work week without Hate Mail. Do you know what I did this week Gregg? My job. OBVIOUSLY YOU DIDN'T DO YOURS THOUGH.
I have a restraining order. Just so you know.
From: Scooter
Whizzer White, former Supreme Court Justice, was also a hell of a football player. In your Myron Rolle article from November, you excluded him from the three football players who have been awarded Rhodes Scholarships.
Scooter, defending Whizzer? Wowser. Anyway, Scooter, you're wrong. Whizzer is in the story. You missed it. Clearly you're not Rhodes Scholar material. Hell, you might not be Rob H. material.
From: Rob H.
I guess the Cavs learned how to play without LeBron in Game 2 ... moron. Way to take one game and classify how a team can play without LBJ. Was that the first Cavs game you have seen this year? Must have been...moron.
Let me get this straight. You're using Game 2 of the Cavs-Pistons series to debunk my theory that the Cavaliers are lousy without LeBron? Game 2 saw LeBron help Cleveland to a 29-point lead in the fourth quarter ... and then have to come off the bench in the fourth after Detroit got within seven. And you think that game WEAKENS my argument? You're not a bright guy, Rob.
From: Joel Johnson
You had to have been laughing last week in Hate Mail when the guy said you had a dog turd on your chin.
I giggled. I admit it.
From: Kirk
Who pooped on your chin?
The dog, Kirk. It was the dog.
From: Randy
Dude, there is a turd on your chin ...
Every week I get these.
From: Jack Snodgrass
Why do you have feces hanging from your chin?
Like, 10 of these.
From: Jeff
I just noticed Freeman and Prisco were given a team for the mock draft. How come you didn't get one?
Well, I was already given excessive looks, brains and salary. So I say ... fine. Throw those guys a bone.
From: CT Hoosier
I'm always disappointed in myself when I don't appear in Hate Mail. Sorry for not bringing my best; I expect it from myself and you should demand it, too.
In my stalker mock draft, you're a first-round pick. And not just because you frighten me.
From: Burton DeWitt
Tomorrow is Thursday. That means Hate Mail. Hate Mail is important. So there better be Hate Mail tomorrow or g--dammit, Greg, your fans will not be happy. Greg.
You misspelled my name just to be spiteful. But you did it in the same sentence where you referenced my "fans." So I forgive you. Bert.
From: Burton DeWitt
You wrote: "Graham Harrell isn't a workout guy, either. He's not terribly strong or fast for a quarterback, and in fact he might have a hard time outrunning flabby offensive tackle Andre Smith." Greg, you just described Rex Grossman, and we saw how he turned out in the NFL. And if you respond with any reference to a Super Bowl, God help it, I'll take another 'g' off your name. You can pick which direction I subtract from.
I'm torn. I'm to sports writing what Mr. October was to baseball, so I could live with "Reg." But at the same time, I kind of like the idea of being called "Dr. Gre."
From: Stourley Kracklite
You thought Freeman had perhaps written the Holland hate mail? C'mon, that e-mail is twice as long as anything Freeman has ever written.
Excellent point, but forget that. I'm more interested in your name. Why would you take the name of the leading character in an obscure movie -- a character whose wife ends up cheating on him? I need to study you. You're interesting.
From: Robert Hosley
The things you say about Twitter are true, but blasting Twitter for the way folks use it is like saying roads are bad because people can drive off of them into a tree! I use Twitter on my iPhone to correspond with family, friends and co-workers about timely situations and to coordinate our lives when needed. I follow such organizations as The New York Times, NPR and news-related groups in order to find out what is happening while I am on the go. Lighten up about it -- not everyone using it is a jerk.
I read your tweets, Robert. (Looked you up.) The self-absorbed things you were tweeting about? The spring blossoms in your yard and the movie you watched for a fifth time? Sorry. You're a jerk.
From: Kurtis Marsh
Sadly, some people do use Twitter to follow celebs. For the rest of us, Twitter is a place to explore our artistic side -- think of it as a gun range for wordsmiths, a virtual worldwide stage, without the rotten apples when our jokes fall flat. Oh yeah -- and you to can follow me on Twitter: kurtismarsh.
You also intrigue me. You tweet, you blog, you Facebook. You do the whole thing, Kurtis. And you wear really bad hats.
From: Thomas Burns
I Twitter. I signed up to receive a daily bike deal from Bike Tires Direct. Then someone I don't know started following my tweets, except I didn't have any. So I felt obligated to post something. But I'm so damn boring I just couldn't do it more than a couple of times.
A loser at Twitter is a winner at life, if you ask me, T.B.
From: Thomas Burns
Another stranger is following me on Twitter! Should I actually tweet something? Maybe announce my bowel movements? Had a little stomach disrupt Sunday, would have made for numerous and explosive tweets. I look to you for guidance in this matter.
You're adorable, you know that?
From: Mike Cerrato
I can't believe the Yankees would charge that much for ticket -- just one more reason to like the Phillies. You can write. That was a great article.
Thank you. But I'd appreciate it more if you didn't seem so friggin' stunned.
From: George Kovats
You're not a crank, and Twitter's no surprise: Lot of people carrying expensive phones with expensive phone plans looking for something to do with their thumbs all day. Ego stroking has always been popular. One can only hope this become the pet rock, Rubik's Cube or slap bracelet of 2009.
I must have slept through that slap bracelet thing. Had to look that one up. Doesn't look like I missed much.
From: Clayt
You should just respond to all of your hate-mail with the incredibly catchy and sporadically funny phrase: "Oh yeah? Well that's what SHE said!"
Nope. Would never work.
From: Kevin
My wife and I were in the car last week and you were on the Steve Czaban radio show. After a few minutes, she said I must like you, because you were a SMARTASS like me.
Oh yeah? Well, um, shoot. That's what she said.
From: CT Hoosier
The Harrell article was one of your most enjoyable ever. But if you continue to knock the Big Ten I will have no choice but to boycott you for an entire afternoon.
Lots of people liked it. His agent loved it, but I'm not printing that letter. But I will print this one, because how often does this happen?
From: Jack Stanton
Graham didn't just break records in high school and college. He will break more in the NFL -- you watch! But then, I may be prejudiced. Most Granddads are.
Awwww.
