Hate Mail: Lowering the bar on name-calling
Because he is surrounded by losers, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell can't win. He faces three borderline unbelievable discipline cases, one after the other after the other, and what he does with Plaxico Burress will affect how he handles Michael Vick which will influence his decision on Donte' Stallworth.
It's hopeless, because there is no path for Goodell to follow. He has all the power -- a power bequeathed to him by the players union during collective bargaining, it should be noted -- but no direction. There are no rules. No guidelines. A man could go to Commissioner College for four years and never learn how to handle a situation as impossible as this, where one star receiver has shot himself in the leg and was lucky not to kill anyone else ... while another star receiver did kill someone while driving drunk ... and the star quarterback didn't kill any people but was found to be a mass murderer of dogs.
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| Under commish Doyel, Donte' Stallworth's NFL career would be finished. (AP) |
Which is why he needs my help.
What the NFL needs here is a path. A rule. Some direction. Give Goodell a guideline, and this would be simple. This whole thing. And every situation like it, going forward, would be simple as well. I'm telling you, I'm a genius.
But I'm a strict genius. I'm tough. Bleeding heart football fans out there -- people who would vote for Republicans but in the meantime get all liberal when we're talking about a famous football player -- will hate my advice. Which is fine. You guys love discipline up until it's being given to a criminal-athlete you've cheered for, as if that gives you a personal connection to the criminal-athlete. As if you know him. And as if he knows you.
Here's the guideline, and it's so simple it's brilliant. It centers around three key words. If two of them apply, the criminal-athlete's career in the NFL is done. For good.
Here are the words:
1. Felony.
2. Violence.
3. Drugs.
If a criminal-athlete is convicted -- that's another word, I suppose, convicted -- of a felony involving either violence or drugs, he's done in the NFL. No second chance.
Again, there are key words there. Felony shows how serious the crime is. A criminal-athlete could be convicted of misdemeanor assault, for example, and be OK. If the court sees it as a misdemeanor, fine. Mistakes happen.
But a felonious mistake? A felonious mistake involving violence or drugs? That can't happen with an NFL player if he plans to continue being an NFL player. This should be obvious to everyone, but it's not, so let me lay it out there: This is a free country with certain inalienable rights ... but playing in the NFL isn't one of those rights. Being able to work is a right. Being able to work on national television for millions of dollars? Not a right.
Felony violence reaches a pretty horrific standard. The accusation that Burress carried a loaded gun into a crowded nightclub and was careless enough to shoot the damn thing -- luckily hitting only himself -- is an example of felony violence. It's violence against himself, but it's violence nonetheless. Since a judge has already called it "inconceivable" that Burress would face trial before 2010, there is the matter of the 2009 season. Goodell has done nothing wrong, but he's the one on the clock.
A guideline would solve his problem. And since Burress hasn't been convicted of the felony, he could play in 2009. But if he's convicted in 2010, he's done.
A guideline would solve the cases of Stallworth and Vick, too. Drinking all night, driving drunk and killing a pedestrian is felony violence. Tragic accident? Sure. But felony violence. Masterminding a dog-fighting ring, which is the only thing "Ron Mexico" will mastermind in his entire life, is felony violence. Violence against dogs, but violence nonetheless. Unless you think a dog being electrocuted or drowned by Vick, or a dog having his head chewed off by another dog, isn't violent. That would be your problem.
Stallworth and Vick have been convicted. So they would be done. Forever.
None of these cases involve the magic words "felony" and "drugs," but it's not hard to envision the scenario: A criminal-athlete gets caught with pot in his car, it's a misdemeanor. He's an idiot and a cliché, but he's free to return to the NFL after he serves the typical suspension. But when a criminal-athlete gets caught with enough pot to be considered a dealer, it's a felony.
Jaguars receiver Matt Jones was found with six grams of cocaine in his car in Arkansas in 2008, six times the legal threshold for felony charges of possession with intent to distribute. A judge allowed him to enter a drug treatment program that could erase the felony charge, and if the charge is erased, there you go. He can play in the NFL. Then again, Jones already has violated a condition of the drug program, testing positive for alcohol. If the judge revokes the deal and Jones ultimately is guilty of the felony drug charge, his NFL career would be over.
You see how it works? Goodell needs guidelines, because otherwise he is holding too much rope and will hang only himself. Already he has said that one of his conditions for Vick to be reinstated is for Vick to "have remorse." All due respect to the commissioner, but ... what? Have remorse?
Goodell doesn't need to guess the contents of Vick's heart. He doesn't need to wet his finger and stick it in the air to gauge the winds of public opinion, either. What Goodell needs is a hard and firm policy, something strong enough to prop him up -- and even something big enough to hide behind.
Take these decisions out of the hands of the commissioner and put them in the hands of the players themselves. Tell them their careers don't hinge on a few words from Roger Goodell -- but on a few words under their own control:
1. Felony.
2. Violence.
3. Drugs.
