Updated Oct. 1
The Ole Miss column was brutal. That poor team was ranked No. 4 in the country and had the bad luck to play horribly in front of me, so I knew the Hate Mail from Mississippi would be angry -- and it was.
But the Cleveland Browns column was even worse. That team quit, right before my eyes. Ticked me off, so I did what I do. And I have the Hate Mail from Cleveland to prove it.
This much anger directed at a sports writer calls for mature responses from the sports writer.
Too bad the sports writer was me.
From: Kurt Koch
I've seen more professional columns written on bar napkins after one-pitcher night at the strip bar. While nobody would tell you Eric Mangini is a likable guy, the language you used in describing him and the "morons" in the front office reeks of a complete lack of professionalism.
I'm pronouncing your last name as an inappropriate term for male genitalia. Just so you know.
From: Ben Wunderin
What happened to you to make you such an Ole Miss hater? Did an Ole Miss coed stand you up?
We've now entered the part of Hate Mail where disappointed readers scramble for a reason why I would be so mean to their favorite team.
From: Johnny Reb
You hate Ole Miss because your dad was fired from the law school.
My dad taught there, true. And he taught John Grisham. But he was never fired, and now he's a judge. My dad's a star, is my point. And so is my mom. She also worked at Ole Miss, and I used to hang out at the student union. I loved Oxford. Try again, please.
From: Will
You know exactly why you had to write that article about Ole Miss -- and it had everything to do with the time you lived in Oxford. You felt not accepted and have had a grudge since.
I love it that you know where I lived as a kid. Also, I like tacos and '71 Cabernet. And my favorite color is magenta.
From: Penne
Just because they wouldn't let you go to school there when you wanted to, there's no reason for you to write such a tasteless article about Ole Miss.
You're calling me an Ole Miss reject? Look, Penne, when I was 18 years old I not only could have gotten into Ole Miss -- had I tried -- but I probably could have taught the advanced physics class. And I don't know physics.
From: Chandler Rowland
I believe this, and other articles written by you -- top-10 worst coaching jobs in college basketball -- are due to a personal vendetta against Ole Miss. Apparently you didn't have any media ethics classes in college, because if you did, you would know you're violating many principles of ethics.
Nice Southern aristocratic name, Chandler. I picture you in khakis, flip-flops and an orange Polo, thinking you're cool because you look like the guy next to you. And he looks like the guy next to him. But the thing is, that guy looks like a douchebag. See what I'm saying, Chandler?
From: Dan
F--- you, you silly little keyboard Rambo! Keep your eyes open, s---head. This ole man might be right behind ya. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
Hard to be scared of a grown man who types "LOL". We have now entered the part of Hate Mail where irate readers stop trying to guess my motives and start challenging me to a fight.
From: Chuckie Parks
You are a DUMBASS PR--K and your columns should be taken off this website. You don't know (squat) about Ole Miss or the history that Ole Miss football has -- and if you have a problem with this e-mail and you would like to meet and discuss this, I will be glad to fly wherever you want and meet you face to face.
I'll be at the BCS title game. Write me back here, and we'll make plans to meet, and we'll let the world know about those plans. So you can't back out.
From: Blacktooth
When I read your Ole Miss piece after a 'Bama fan emailed to me, I wanted to kill. Reading it again makes me want to do very evil things to your bald head. Please come to Oxford sometime and let me know when you do. I would love to show you some special Southern hospitality. You will end up in the hospital.
Please come and find me at a football game in the future. Please? And as an aside, hillbilly, your teeth wouldn't be black if you'd use Crest.
From: Clayt
McGriddles? Soft serve? Are you and CT Hoosier on crack? By far the most underrated and best value of all things fast-food is McDonald's hot-n-spicy from the dollar-menu. I've lost just a little bit of respect for both of you now.
Attacking the McGriddle? As my dumber readers from Mississippi would attest ... them's fighting words, Clayt. And now we enter the part of Hate Mail where readers comment on last week's hate mail.
From: Thomas Burns
McGriddles are simply wrong. Though not as wrong as a Hardee's fried bologna biscuit.
Had it been anyone else who ripped the McGriddle like you just ripped the McGriddle, I'd be channeling my inner Daniel-Day Lewis. But for you, TB, I'll let it slide.
From: CutnGrass
Dammit, man! I look forward to Hate Mail every Thursday, but this one was like an issue of Playboy when all the celebrity chicks are old.
Like you'd turn the page if she was there in the buff.
From: Jim
You're an idiot. No, I'm sorry, you're a pompous idiot. You might not like a coach's philosophy, but at least the Cleveland Browns has one. What credits do you have that give you the authority to be such a pompous idiot?
My credits are too many to list, but I played Santa Claus at the second-grade Christmas show. Got rave reviews, too.
From: Jay
I just read your January story on Tim Tebow being beatified, and it's a cheap jab at Tebow's faith. If you've been baptized twice and done charity work, then you were just "religious." Tim Tebow is a Christian -- a real Christian and one of very few on Earth. He's not a Muslim. He abides in THE TRUTH. The Bible says the world will persecute him and people like him.
The Bible also says we should sacrifice goats.
From: Bill
I will pray for you because you're obviously a very angry individual.
Don't worry about me. Pray for the goats.
From: Will B.
Hope you die, Jerk. It was a bad game. No need to spray your uneducated hate about Ole Miss. Get in a car wreck.
What's interesting about you is that you were mean enough to wish death on me, afraid enough to sign only your first name ... but dumb enough to leave Internet fingerprints for me to track you to Memphis. I found your Facebook page, too. Among the things you like are "Erin Andrews"? Good Lord, Will. You're a caricature of the fat redneck -- saw your picture -- who lusts after women he'll never get. You'd have a better shot lusting after me. And you have no shot with me.
From: Patrick Bohn
Thought I'd let you know that I teach a course in Evolution of Sport Media and this piece on Twitter is exactly the kind of thing we talk about. Thanks for a great talking point.
You're welcome, Patrick. If I'm ever in Ithaca, I'll come speak to your class. See -- I don't always use my "look you up" shtick for evil purposes.
From: Barbara Kasper
I am a South Carolina grad, my husband is an Ole Miss grad, and I believe you are posing as a sports writer. Glad I watch FOX.
Good luck to your husband. You sound ugly.
From: J. Rowzee
Why in the world does CBS keep a pathetic little sideline pr--k like you around?
Because of the hilarious e-mails I get. Like yours. Thanks, bub. You just bought me another three weeks on the payroll.
From: Sims Holmes
You've said many times that you were all-state in two sports. I realize that you were a two-time all-state baseball player. What other sport were you all-state in? I know it wasn't football or basketball.
I'm not sure I've said it "many times." Maybe one or two hundred. Anyway ... the second sport I WAS ALL-STATE in was the masculine sport of soccer. Ahem.
From: Ben Hilton
I don't understand why you find it necessary to include at least one word of profanity in every article you publish. It'd be great to see some cleaner content going forward. Honestly, I don't want to read anymore if it continues.
I do it because it brings back people like you. I'm the flame. You're the moth. Dammit.
From: Johnny Hudgens
You are a jerk, pure and simple. And I hope everything you love gets the same treatment that you dished out to Ole Miss.
"Everything you love"? You're kind of creepy. Do you sleep with a stuffed Colonel Reb?
From: J. Douglas Dalrymple
Gregg Doyel is an overrated sports columnist whose opinion is worthless.
Gotta tell you, J-Doug, I love that first initial. Without it, your name is an anagram for "gradually plods me," which sounds horrific. But thanks to the "J," your name now is an anagram for "jelly salad gumdrop." Major improvement.
From: Rob Herbst
Calling out some media members for the Jevan Sneed hype, while letting one of CBSSports.com's own slide, seems a bit unfair. Back in April, Pete Prisco predicted Jevan Sneed would be the No. 1 NFL Draft Pick in 2010. That makes Kirk Herbstreit's No. 2 comment look intelligent.
Yeah, but Herbstreit is a great-looking dude. Have you seen Prisco? He has enough problems.
From: Stephanie
You 'r' a bald-headed smartass!
I cower at your trash-talking genius.
From: NOYB
You are rude and I feel sorry for your friends.
You could learn something from Stephanie, the trash-talking goddess.
From: Kelly
Please, if you're going to cite something as complex as the butterfly effect, at least have a clue as to what you're talking about. The butterfly effect is used to describe a stable system that occasionally shifts into an alternative stable state. The concept came about to describe the shift of the Earth's climate system from a period of glaciation to an interglacial period in reaction to the Milankovitch Cycle.
I stand corrected. I have no idea what you just said, but I stand corrected.
From: Jonathan Canoe
What's with the foreshadowing? Did you watch an Oliver Stone marathon before writing your USC-Ohio State article? You started with the seed of a rose, but ended up with a dandelion. How does that happen?
No idea what you just said, either, but at least you used words I've seen before.
