Hate Mail: Check out the big brain on Gregg
Updated Oct. 8
A brain surgeon wrote me this week, and that's not sarcasm on my part. A brain surgeon really wrote in, which means the smartest reader in the history of CBSSports.com wrote into the company this week -- and he wrote to me.
And did he like me? What do you think? Of course he liked me. He's brilliant.
But not to worry -- there were enough forms of emotion to call it Hate Mail.
Among other things ...
From: Kenny E.
You're a Florida homer and all you do is brag on your alma matter. You are also a Florida hater and therefore suck. I WANT TO FIGHT YOU -- I'LL KNOCK YOU OUT. There: Hate Mail summarized. You're welcome. Take the afternoon off.
So you're saying Hate Mail is predictable? Check out where we're going from here. This has never happened. Not to me anyway. And thank God for that.
From: Clayt
Just wondering: How many marriage proposals do you get per week from your fans?
None. To date my animal charisma has been obscured just enough by our special CBSSports.com "animal charisma filter."
From: Jordan
What's the deal with you and reader Thomas Burns? I'm detecting some kind of secret love affair. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Nope. T.B. hasn't succumbed to my animal charisma. Honestly, no one has.
From: CT Hoosier
When will we get video on Doyel Rules? Are you camera shy?
Well, almost no one.
From: Tony M.
I was stoked when I made hate mail last week -- I was "CutnGrass," because I was a landscaper at one time -- and you're right about Adrienne Barbeau. I would never turn that web page. Anyway, where the hell was CT Hoosier that week? Is the bro-mance over? Did you have to lock him out of your gated community the way Tony did with Jessica? How come this hasn't made the tabloids?
Give CT Hoosier a break. He's not as infatuated with me as everyone thinks.
From: CT Hoosier
I think the pancakes on the McGriddle should be waffles. Please don't let this affect our relationship.
You're not helping things, you creepy little stalker.
From: JJ Jefferson
This Tebow article is the worst example of journalism I've ever read. I'd like to suggest that you seek professional psychological help. And a new profession.
Your second sentence has already been done, and your third sentence is a joke, but your FIRST sentence gives me an idea. Well, it gave Brad an idea. And then he gave me the idea. So who's Brad? He's next.
From: Brad
I think you should apply for a Guinness world record. Seems like every other article you write, someone is proclaiming it "the worst article ever." I just checked the Guinness website and can't find any records for worst article, worst reporter, etc., and I don't know if you could actually win if Freeman finds out about it and tries to compete with you. But if he doesn't, you'd sure have a lot of support from posters on this site.
First of all, I'd kick Freeman's butt. Second, readers here act like they hate me -- but really they love me.
From: Jason Tucker
You are a punk bitch. If you insulted my wife like you did to that guy in last week's Hate Mail, I would personally find you and beat your f---ing ass. Then I would sue CBS. F--- you! I'm going to say it for that guy if he hasn't said it to you himself: BITCH!
Well, maybe that reader really hates me.
From: Steven Louis
I read your biography page in detail and somehow I seem to have missed your medical degree. Otherwise I can't comprehend how you can judge Florida coach Urban Meyer on what he "might" do against LSU, after hearing from doctors who are actually familiar with Tim Tebow's case -- you know, unlike you.
No, I'm not a doctor. Nor did I spend last night at a Holiday Inn Express. I'm a Marriott guy. As much animal charisma as I have, I have even more Marriott points.
From: Thomas Baker
I was once a sports journalist. I graduated from Journalism school before going on to law school. I've always defended journalists ... but your article on Meyer and Tebow is an example of why I cannot stand modern sports journalism. Let me ask you something: Why should I take your opinion on this subject?
Because I spent last night at a Courtyard by Marriott. And because I'm a star in a profession where you couldn't cut it.
From: Jack Spratt
Your Tebow column takes the award for the single dumbest column I've ever read. Meyer doesn't make the decision as to whether Tebow starts. The doctors do. They tell Meyer he's either fit to play or he isn't. And Meyer plays him or doesn't play him based on what the doctors tell him. End of story.
You're saying Urban Meyer has no say whether Tebow plays against LSU? That if some pencil-necked geek of a team physician -- who is on the football team's payroll and whose livelihood depends on "diagnoses" that make the coaching staff happy -- says Tebow can play, Meyer will have NO CHOICE but to play him? And between the two of us, you think I'm the dumb one. Unbelievable ...
From: DVG
Your article is sensationalist and absurd. Meyer does not get to decide whether to play Tebow. That's up to some of the best doctors in the country.
We have another dumb one.
From: Wayne Blevins
You must know this is not the coach's decision to play Tebow.
And another.
From: Mike
Tebow will only play if the doctors say he's ready. Urban Meyer will not make the call.
And another. But get ready for the genius in our midst.
From: Chris Nowinski
Very well done. Never seen an article quite like it.
Christopher Nowinski
Sports Legacy Institute President
Center for the Study of Traumatic Encephalopathy
Boston University School of Medicine
Wait a minute. Florida fans called my story on concussions "sensationalist" and "absurd" and "the single dumbest column I've ever read." But you, an expert in the field of brains, liked it. Gee -- I'm torn as to whose opinion to believe.
P.S. And I see that you're not "technically" a brain surgeon. Or even close. That's merely a detail.
From: Jason
You, my friend, are an idiot. Your entire article on Tebow is based on facts that you do not possess. You have no idea how bad his concussion was, or if he even had one severe enough to call "severe" at all.
I think I've decided which opinion to believe. And it isn't yours.
From: Wayne Wiggs
Reading your column gives me the impression of a sagacious writer in the medical field who is wasting his talents writing a column regarding sports -- or is it with the ostensible aim to discredit Coach Meyer's legitimate concerns for Tim's health?
Someone used his thesaurus! And his name is an anagram for "gay new wigs." Gay means happy, you know. Leave me alone.
From: Glenn
Is that anagram talent of yours God-given -- or did you have to spend hours perfecting that skill?
God Himself reached down into my crib when I was a baby and said, "Thou shalt unleash anagrams from hell." Which makes me a lot like Tim Tebow. I'm an instrument of Him. Or a tool. I'm something like that.
From: Otis Lutz
From reading your article, I'm sure no one can change your opinion that Tim Tebow should not play against LSU. I think the Florida coach has said it is 100 percent up to the doctor, but that statement is of no use to you.
And your name is an anagram for "Zit Lotus."
From: Tom
I will make it a point not to read any of your future rhetoric.
Does anyone generate more "I'll never read you again" hate mail than I do? Those are not fun e-mails to open, you know.
From: J. Moore
This was the last time I'll click on one of your stories.
Although it hurts less and less with time.
From: Joey Montgomery
I noticed your Tebow article made Around the Horn last week. Any chance you'll make a guest appearance? I realize it's an ESPN show, but Lil' Wayne did a guest spot once!
I've never done ATH, but I've been on ESPN before and I'm sure I'll be on there again. Hopefully they won't pair me with some of their bigger idiots. I have a rep to maintain.
From: Rob Coulter
Just curious -- were you the creative mind behind the fireronzook website?
If only.
From: Jordan Carpenter
I've evolved as a reader. I used to hate you, turned to hating those who hated you so I wouldn't be mainstream, and now I love you out loud just to start conversation. I'll remain at this stage of evolution if you can bash Ole Miss for me just once more.
Congratulations, knuckle-dragger -- pretty soon you'll be walking upright! Which means you'll be qualified to teach mathematics at Ole Miss. You're welcome. Um, hold on -- did you say hating me was a "mainstream" position?
From: Jack Detwiler
I've read your work for a couple of years. You have style that makes boring games interesting by adding mean-spirited comparisons and assertions. In three years of reading, I have only disagreed with you once -- when you said Oklahoma would beat Florida in the 2009 BCS title game.
I'm struggling to get past your whole "mean-spirited comparisons and assertions" thing. Are you complimenting me or ripping me? I hope the answer is "yes."
From: Scott Robinson
You don't seem the type to need much positive reinforcement, but I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your stuff.
Any more of these e-mails and I'll have to start dealing with questions about reader marriage proposals.
From: CT Hoosier
Five days between blogg items? For shame.
You're not helping things.
From: Eric
If you want people to appreciate you more, maybe you should quit. Still haven't forgotten the JoePa article. I hope he outlasts you.
Look, Paterno is in his 80s. I'm in my 30s. Are you telling me to die young? Your e-mail is as confusing as that one last week about the Butterfly Effect.
From: Jonathan Canoe
Tell Kelly from last week that he/she is simply wrong about the Butterfly Effect. The Milankovitch insolation hypothesis for climatic cycles deals with the predictability of period variations of temperature. I have never seen the Butterfly Effect described in Milankovitch's work. "Butterfly Effect" was a term used to describe the outcome of attempted weather predictions by Edward Lorenz, and it reflects the concept exactly as you used it, e.g. a small event can have a profound impact on an overall system. There is no doubt that Lorenz's description mirrors yours.
Even when I'm right, I have no idea what I'm talking about.
