Hate Mail: Here is self-loathing in Ohio

Updated Nov. 19

Depending on your perspective, I hit a new high -- or a new low -- over the weekend when I covered three games in three days, all of them featuring teams from my Ohio home. All three of "my" teams won.

And I ripped all three. Sort of. Well, I didn't "sort of" rip Ohio State. That one was thorough. And Ohio State had just won the game, the Big Ten and a spot in the Rose Bowl!

A new low, even for me. And you were mad. And I'll be honest -- I don't blame you. So have at me. We're all in agreement this week: I suck. I'll even put it in bold. "Hate Mail" gets the normal-sized letters this week, because the big, fat print is saved for me. I suck.

From: Casey

Gregg, you're an idiot. Signed, Buckeye Nation

I suck, I tell you.

From: Pete

Congratulations, Gregg! You're a douchebag!

I deserved that.

From: Jack

You are a bald douchebag.

And that.

From: David

Sounds like you lack the same maturity that you claim Chad Ochocinco is missing. I read your Ohio State article yesterday and the Chad one today and you should be embarrassed. You're a big reason the media is considered slime.

And that.

From: Bob Knollman

If I was Chad and some f---ing loser making $75,000 a year and living in a three-bedroom house in Florence, Ky., tried that s--- with me, I would smack him in the f---ing mouth. It's not about you, you bald-headed punk loser. You're lucky I don't go to Applebee's and smack your ass myself sometime.

I suppose I even f---ing deserved that.

From: Everyone Who Reads You

You should be fired, then lose your car and your house and your family and even your dog.

Not sure I deserved that.

From: Chris

You should do everyone on the planet a huge favor just and kill yourself.

Or that.

From: R. Caltrider

Hey Gregg, why don't you just quit your own life. It would be better for the rest of us if you would just end your own existence.

OK, this is getting ridiculous. Starting to get angry.

From: Donald J. Latuso, Jr.

I can say that the only time I've ever agreed 100 percent with you on any subject is that song by Brothers Johnson. Strawberry Letter 23 is the jam.

And another thing. If one more of you jerks tells me ... oh. What did you say? Ah. Well, thank you.

From: Matt

I'm not much for 1970s music, but I listened to Strawberry Letter 23 after seeing the link in last week's hate mail. Wow, that song just oozes cool. I'll definitely be listening to again. Thanks for the heads up!

You're welcome. This week's song from the iPod: I Feel Love by Donna Summer.

From: jd1973

That was awesome. Sixty-one threads started for the Iowa-Ohio State article … and counting. I was so agitated with Tressel's play calling that I turned the TV off and played video games. I look forward to the Ohio State hate mail.

Glad I can amuse you. When I have my mental breakdown, make sure to send me a thank you card. Because that'll be a hoot!

From: Cathy Hubbard

What did you mean about Terrelle Pryor? My husband thinks he's a pretty good quarterback. He didn't understand your comments.

I mean he's a passing-running quarterback who is rarely allowed by Jim Tressel to pass or run. And I think it's cute that you e-mailed for your husband. Do you spoon mushed peas into his mouth, too?

From: Tom J.

Let me know if you ever come to Denver so I can kick your pathetic ass.

This is the second most illogical invitation I've ever received. First was an e-mail a few years ago when a reader invited me to staple my head to the carpet. Who's reading me, Chuck Palahniuk?

From: Mark Gregor

Meet me someday in person and say the same things about Ohio State that you did in your column. You want to talk about disgusting and losers? Just look in the mirror. Again, take your badass self and tell me in person how you feel. Right. I didn't think so.

Sorry I missed our appointment. I was looking for that dude in Denver. Give me another chance.

From: Eyedie

Are you Mark May's gay lover?

I'm not answering that. But given the rest of your sentence, the word "gay" is a redundancy. Just as an FYI.

From: Smithereens

Can't you just say, 'Hey, good job Buckeyes'? Or maybe you're good friends with Mark May?

What's with Mark May? You know, he's not a bad-looking man. But he does say "football" too much. As if we didn't know that Tim Tebow is a football player on a football team making football plays.

From: Chris

I can't stand the Buckeyes, but I hate you more.

You do know that Maurice Clarett played for the Buckeyes, right?

From: Mark Lewis

What a joke. How you turn such a good game into an article like this is incredible. Clearly you had ulterior motivations. Trying to get back at Chad Ochocinco because he didn't feel like talking about himself with you?

My premise was sound, if a little unorthodox: The only thing that can screw up the Bengals is bad chemistry, and until Larry Johnson showed up, that meant Ochocinco was the guy to worry about. So I asked him if he was going to be the guy to worry about, like he has been in the past. Again, the premise was sound -- but the timing was wrong. I should have written Sunday about that day's victory, and then dropped in my Ochocinco chemistry story a few days later. Live and learn.

From: Mark Lewis

I still cannot believe your article. Unreal.

Read it next week. Maybe it'll make sense by then. In an unorthodox way.

From: Ryan

Why don't you stop with your OSU hatred? You have a hard-on for the Cincinnati Bearcats. We get it. Very lazy journalism, my friend.

Speaking of premises, there are two problems with yours: One, I applauded Jim Tressel just last month, saying he's better than Pete Carroll. Two, what I wrote Friday night blows up your theory that I'm in lust with the Bearcats. Very lazy hate mail, my friend.

From: McLife

I wrote you last week in amazement of the fact that you wrote consecutive somewhat-complimentary articles about Cincinnati sports teams. I believe that after I expressed my awe at this, I said last week that I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't think I was quite prepared for how quickly said shoe would drop, but hey, that's why you're a pro.

Don't encourage me.

From: Blair

You're a clown. If you're going to write a piece of garbage like this, at least clarify that this is an opinion piece. Chad has more class in his pinky than you could ever hope to have.

Your first sentence is noted. Your second sentence is ridiculous. And I kind of take offense to your third sentence.

From: Bengal Dan

You're an idiot! This is the team that Chad Ochocinco has been waiting for. He is not a Me-Guy.

Not a me guy? The guy changed his name TO HIS JERSEY NUMBER.

From: Nathan

Horrible article. You have always been one of my least favorite writers, and this just reinforces my belief.

I'm "one of" your least favorite writers? Are there others you dislike more? This, I've got to hear.

From: Matt Bell

I'm glad you're out of Cincy. You were never any good on radio, and your writing sucks even more.

That's not true. I'm MUCH worse on the radio. Get yours facts straight, clown.

From: Steve Weiss

You're a pathetic tool who has major insecurity issues that probably started as a kid. I hope to God you don't have kids.

Too late. I have two boys, and one of them is the spitting image of me in every way possible. The other one, well, he's a little bit odd.

From: Andrew Grote

Wow, where to start? You, sir, are an idiot. Your last three articles, all three covering teams that won and are doing well, and for some reason you feel you should trash them. You are the most unprofessional writer in sports. It would be best if you quit, and took a job pumping gas.

Brilliant idea, Andy -- let me hang around flammable gasoline all day. What should I do in my down time? Play with matches?

From: Lynn

I'm guessing that since you have called a bunch of college football players "squeamish" and "gutless," you must have done something in your life that requires a great deal of intestinal fortitude. So enlighten us, please, or is it just easy to do from the press box?

First, I didn't call the Buckeyes squeamish and gutless. I called their COACH squeamish and gutless. Is that better? And second, I have been invited to box against an as-yet unnamed NFL player at the Pro Bowl. I'm asking Pro Bowl people to see if Chad Ochocinco would be that player. Seriously.

From: Kenny E.

All right, Gregg, I have blindly followed you through thick and thin, but are you out of your mind with the Chad article? Whether or not some of your points may be on track, it's fairly obvious you were baiting him for a story. Any pro wants to have a good game, every game, and it eats at them if they struggle, even if the team wins. You could goad any player into saying something column-worthy with enough questions.

Good way to end it. You're right, Kenny. No snarky reply from me. You're right.