Herschel's robotic victory over nobody won't make him a somebody in MMA

SUNRISE, Fla. -- Herschel Walker is good for mixed martial arts, sort of like a carnival barker is good for a carnival. And I'm not calling MMA a carnival -- I'm calling it fun. Carnivals are fun, MMA is fun. Try to keep up, OK?

But I am calling Herschel Walker a carnival barker, and a carnival barker isn't fun. It's a skill and a talent, and it's something to be respected. Not just anyone can stand on the corner and by sheer volume convince people to come in off the streets. But a carnival barker isn't fun. He's something to be endured on your way into the tent.

That was Walker on Saturday night at Strikeforce: Miami. He was the carnival barker, attracting eyeballs to Strikeforce on a night when the show otherwise wouldn't have drawn much mainstream attention. It was a great card, but it was a great card only if you're an MMA junkie, which I am.

The main event was a title fight between well-known welterweight Nick Diaz and unknown Marius Zaromskis, who had never fought in this country. The best non-title bout was Robbie Lawler against Melvin Manhoef, a ferocious striker known mostly by MMA aficionados, considering he had fought in the United States just once before Saturday. The other three fights on the main card: a fight between women, a fight pitting a converted WWE wrestler (Bobby Lashley) against a soft reality show goofball (Wes Sims), and a fight featuring 47-year-old former Heisman Trophy winner Herschel Walker.

Come see OctoRuss, the eight-armed man!

When TV ratings are released in the coming days, I'm guessing this bizarre fight card -- in the criminally underappreciated sport of MMA -- drew more eyeballs that most would have expected.

With that in mind, I thank Herschel Walker. I salute him. This is my favorite sport, and he generated attention to it. That wasn't his goal -- but that's simply another reason to salute him. Walker didn't fight Saturday night for your freaking amusement. He fought because he wanted to fight. When it comes to athletic pursuits, he likes to dabble at the highest possible level. He can, and he deserves the chance, because he is one of the greatest athletes in the history of sport.

Big sentence? Sure. But Walker played football, and he won the Heisman. He ran track, and nearly qualified for the U.S. Olympic team in the marquee 100-meter dash. He tried bobsled and did make the Olympic team. Now he's dabbling in MMA, and at age 47 he gets put onto the main card of one of the biggest promotions in the world. And he wins!

Oh -- have I not mentioned that yet? Walker won. He won by TKO in the third round. Sorry to get around to it so late, but his victory was predetermined.

No, this fight wasn't fixed. But it was a setup. Walker was supposed to win. How? Because he couldn't lose. Not to this guy. He fought someone named Greg Nagy, who is impressive in the sense that he has the guts to put on 4-ounce gloves and get locked into a cage with another athlete trying to punch or choke his lights out. But Nagy is not impressive in the sense of being an actual fighter.

Nagy, who has a 1-2 record and has been fighting less than two years himself, doesn't belong at the Strikeforce level -- but Strikeforce people knew that. That's why they scouted him at a club-level show in Arizona in November, watched him lose to another club-level fighter who fought in something resembling a scuba suit, and then rewarded Nagy with a main-card fight against Herschel Walker.

You think Strikeforce signed Nagy because he might actually win? No. They needed Walker to win. And so he won -- but it was ugly to watch.

For someone who was so fluid and graceful on the football field, Walker was super-stiff in the cage. He had the best build of any fighter all night, but he moved like a mummy as he tried to kickbox with Nagy, taking tiny little steps without bending his knees. He even moved his arms in one creaky motion. You know the robot dance? That's how Walker fights, and while I'm prone to exaggeration at times, I'm not exaggerating here.

And even so, Walker looked better on his feet than Nagy, who tried one punch all night, and it was hideous. It was the anti-robot punch. Nagy threw his right arm at Walker like it was a piece of cooked spaghetti. Awful. And Nagy was even worse on the ground. Walker threw Nagy around the cage, climbed on top of him and then ... poked at him. It was like watching an older brother pick on a younger sibling. It wasn't violent, just cruel, and when veteran referee Troy Waugh finally called off the fight, I don't think Waugh was trying to protect Nagy. He was trying to protect the rest of us.

So if you're wondering -- no, Herschel Walker doesn't have a future in MMA. At 47, there simply isn't enough time to learn all the intricate skills required to fight at a high level, even for an athlete of Walker's ability. If he's content to fight similarly unskilled opponents and win on sheer athletic ability, he can do that, just as he did Saturday night. He won't draw nearly as much attention again, because the cat's out of the bag: Herschel Walker is a great athlete, but he's not a very good fighter. That's the truth as his career moves forward, although nobody in his camp, not even Walker, was willing to say afterward that his career would move forward. There was always the chance that his professional career would be a one-fight night, another chance for him to dabble.

For his sake, I hope that's the case. Walker is not someone you could possibly root against. After his fight ended, he grabbed the microphone and pleaded with the crowd -- which had booed several fights throughout the night, including Walker's -- to stop booing the fighters.

"When you see the guys in the ring, don't boo 'em," Walker said, gently. "Let me tell you -- this is the hardest thing I've ever done. Please don't boo."

Classy man. And the crowd knew it. After booing much of his fight, they cheered as he left the cage.

And if they're like me, they were hoping it was the last time they watch a fight featuring Herschel Walker.