Insane winter athletes may give us another death to gawk at
God help me, I'm paying attention to the Winter Olympics.
Most of the time, and for most of the people, that's not a sin. But at this time, and for this person, it's sinful as hell. Because I'm paying attention to the Winter Olympics for one reason only -- to see if someone else dies.
I'm not rooting for someone else to die. Don't think I'm saying that, because I'm not. Rest in peace, Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili. Wish you were still here with the rest of us, but you're not. And that -- more than ice dancing or curling or even hockey -- got my attention.
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| A memorial is made beneath the rings for Nodar Kumaritashvili. (US Presswire) |
But a person did die, and the way the Olympics are set up, more could follow.
And that's a new realization for me: This stuff is dangerous. I mean, really dangerous. More dangerous than football, which is so dangerous that NFL players are literally agreeing to donate their beaten brains to science. More dangerous than mixed martial arts, where people are battered or choked unconscious -- that's the point -- but where people do not die, certainly not in a marquee event like the UFC or Strikeforce.
How dangerous have the Winter Olympics become? One of the safest sports in Vancouver might just be hockey.
So now, for the first time since I was a kid, I'm interested in the Winter Olympics. Over the years the quadrennial event has become silly to me, and I'll get to why in a little bit, but what little attention I'm paying to Vancouver -- 100 percent more than I planned -- is devoted to the possibility of carnage. Vancouver has become an interstate car crash: I don't want that wreck to happen, and I don't want anybody to be injured.
But as I scoot on past, sure, I'll gawk.
In the meantime, I'm actually looking up the particulars of skeleton sledding. I'd heard of it long ago, but not until today have I cared enough to figure out what it is. After looking it up, I see why it's called "skeleton." This sport, such as it is, will reduce its athletes -- such as they are -- to broken bones.
Skeleton racers shoot down a hill on a tiny sled. It's like the luge, only worse -- in the skeleton, they go down head first. There are no brakes, no real steering, as they careen down the track at 70 miles an hour. How do they slow down? They drag their feet on the ice. Seriously. This sport is so brutal that world-class racers generally limit themselves to four runs per day. The human body simply can't take more than that.
So, OK. I'll gawk at the skeleton.
And I'll gawk at freestyle skiing, where the Olympians hurtle 50 feet up and 100 feet out while doing tricks. This is another sport I've never looked into before this week, and apparently there's an American named Jeret Peterson who might attempt a trick he calls "The Hurricane" -- where he hurtles 50 feet up and 100 feet out while doing five twists and three flips. He's not sure if he'll do it, though. Too dangerous. So we'll see.
Snowboarding was Wednesday, so I won't be able to gawk at that, which is fine. I got all the gawking I needed a few weeks ago when American star Shaun White smashed his face on the icy ledge of the X Games superpipe. If that exact accident happens 100 more times -- White soaring 20 feet above the ramp, then flipping and twisting his face directly onto the cement-like corner -- he breaks multiple bones, maybe including his neck, 99 times. But this time White suffered just a scrape. Unbelievable, really. He went on to win the X Games gold medal, that tough SOB, but even knowing that, I can't watch this video without feeling queasy.
These are the newer sports of the Winter Olympics, and it's not hard to figure out why. Without these new sports, the Winter Olympics would be irrelevant compared to the Summer Games. The world is full of people who run and jump and play basketball and baseball or gymnastics. Most of us do it, or did it, so we tune in to watch these fabulous athletes who do it better.
But the Winter Olympics? Most of us don't luge or speed-skate or skeleton. Most of us don't even know what the biathlon is. And don't get me started on curling. Being world-class in curling is like making all-city in high school basketball. In a city the size of Sarasota. Hey, it's not bad. But let's keep in mind the sample size here.
The irrelevant sports of the Winter Games survived and even thrived when there were only three channels on the television and one of them was devoted to the Olympics. We watched because we had no other choice. But now we have choices, and in deference to our choices, the Winter Olympics have evolved. For lack of a better word.
There is a line between "curiosity" and "carnival," and the Winter Olympics crossed that line before reaching Vancouver. And it was no accident. People will watch a freak show, so that's what the Winter Olympics have given us.
"Faster, higher, farther" has given way to "freakier, scarier, deadlier." The Winter Olympics are phasing out athletes and replacing them with carnies. And we watch for the same reason we go to a circus and wait through the tired clown routine -- Look, nine clowns climbed out of a small car! -- to watch the daredevil slide down a cannon and shoot himself across the tent. We watch because the cannon could blow up and the daredevil could die.
That's why I'm paying attention to Vancouver. Because someone did die. And someone else could.
Shame on me? Nah. Shame on the people in charge of the Winter Olympics. They know exactly why I'm watching. One more gawker in the fold -- millions more to go.
