Hate Mail: Time to put down the Hammer
Updated Feb. 18
When he's finished, LeBron James will deserve to be remembered as the best player in NBA history. That's my take, and you'd think Cleveland fans would love me for it. You'd think wrong. Apparently they want more respect for Anderson Varejao and Daniel Gibson.
This is why I do Hate Mail every week -- to give readers a voice, no matter how stupid their voice might sound.
Plus it's fun when someone says I should star in a porn flick. Hang on, it's coming -- the reference to the porn flick, I mean.
From: Bryan
I didn't play organized basketball but I have enough awareness to know there is something bigger happening in Cleveland than just LeBron. He is the glue for sure -- but give me a break.
LeBron's the glue in Cleveland? He's the glue?!? Let me tell you something. He's not just the glue -- he's the rock, paper and scissors.
From: Jim
Your LeBron James column about Cleveland proves that you are a complete bald douchebag.
It may well prove I'm a douchebag. I'll give you that. But how does it prove I'm bald?
From: John Darts
Wrong -- NCAA Tournament expansion is a terrible idea. None of the newly added teams would win the NCAA -- and if they can't win, why play? This is one more idea of the liberal left and it stinks.
Rush Limbaugh would be addicted to a bigger NCAA Tournament. It would be like Vicodin for his soul.
From: Marc
You don't really support expansion -- you just said that to be different and get attention. Must have had a bitter childhood. It has nothing to do with basketball and everything to do with YOU!!!
Wait. I thought I support expansion because I'm a liberal. Now you're telling me I support expansion because of my childhood? Maybe you're both right ...
From: Ben Schoen
How would 96 teams fit on 8.5-by-11 office copy paper?
Let's ask Rick Neuheisel. That sucker would find a way.
From: Reynolds
You should do porn. You can be called Gregg Hammer and hold your hammer while you are nailing the ladies. You could incorporate the jackhammer position and say phrases like, "It's hammer time baby!" Or, "I want to be your sledgehammer!" Of course I am assuming that you measure up. Just an idea. Sleep on it for a couple days, then let me know what you think.
I'm thinking, believe me.
From: Earl
I don't watch redneck racing, so the only time I ever see Danica Patrick's name in the press is when she's failed at something. Is she now officially the Biggest Piker Ever?
And that could be her porn name.
From: Burton DeWitt
Who does this Matthew J. think he is, calling me a creepy stalker like that? I've never once asked you to publish love mail, which in and of itself contains so many creepy stalkerish sentiments it makes me wonder if Matthew J. isn't just Kenny E. in disguise. But I also know that Kenny E. is too much of a good guy to hide behind some unidentifiable moniker such as Matthew J. So what I'm saying is basically three things:
1. Welcome aboard, Matthew J. ...
2. Add me on Facebook, Kenny E., so I know who you are ...
3. Why the hell was there a french fry in my Popcorn Shrimp Po-Boy? Oh, and ...
4. Is Thomas Burns still alive?
You're now using Hate Mail to troll for Facebook friends? That's pathetic. Even for you. And my man T.B. is alive and well, thank you. We've e-mailed in private. Like adults -- but not adults named Gregg Hammer or Biggest Piker Ever.
From: Ophelia
I want to just tell you that I love you. And anyone who doesn't can go ---- themselves.
And I love the fact that you're female.
From: Andy
First columnist to get this right. You are exactly right as to why people are against NCAA Tournament expansion. And exactly right as to why it would be a good idea. I agree with you 100 percent.
You realize of course that most of the people who read this story now think you're an idiot. However, Ophelia finds you strangely attractive.
From: Clayt
Have you tried the hot and spicy chicken sandwich at McDonald's? I won't rest until I know you've tried it -- and I liked it more than the hunk of rot known as the McGriddle. Might as well be called the McGirdle because only women like it. I know most of your fans think you're secretly a woman, but are you really?
If only women were allowed to eat a McGriddle, I'd be first in line at the sex-change hospital. It's that good.
From: Cody
Seth Davis brought this to my attention -- well, not personally -- several weeks ago. There is a basketball player for Siena named Just-in'love Smith. Any kind of recognition by Hate Mail would be valued. An anagram perhaps?
Only thing I can come up with is "Just them violins." Which is what you hear when you're Just-in'love.
From: Loreal Sanders
I see that you are truly MISINFORMED when it comes to the Cleveland Cavaliers. I also see that you have total disrespect for the remaining members of the team. You need to check yourself.
And your name is an anagram for "anal solderers."
From: THE Brian in Pittsburgh
I don't know what's more shocking to me -- that Curtis Painter's family takes the time to read your stupid articles and send hate mail (last letter) or that they take the time to watch his games. Did you catch the game last week, Uncle Mark? Your nephew held the s--- out of that clipboard. I bet you and the aunt couldn't have been any prouder.
Did you see that one of YOUR relatives commented on Hate Mail last week saying he was ashamed of you? For reading me? Hahahaha that guy sure told you ... and he sort of told me. Dammit.
From: S.T.
Who has the highest salary among you CBS national columnists? I get the impression that you bring in the biggest number of readers through controversy and shock-value alone. But now that I think about it, Freeman pretty much does the same thing except he gives his contrived ramblings a racial twist. As for the others, Ray Ratto looks like my uncle that delivers pizza and Gwen Knapp just seems depressed.
Salary doesn't matter. It better be me. We're all on the same team. Just give me the damn ball.
From: Richard
I just read your story on the 2004 Final Four game between Duke and UConn, and that really takes me back. I recall being incensed at those early calls against Okafor. I am an unabashed Duke hater, so I was happy with the final result, but still, that trio of idiots ruined that game.
You found that story six years later? It's true -- Google never forgets. Well, it never forgets me. Gregg Hammer would live forever!
From: Seth
You need to think about why every one of your articles is ranting and raving about how bad or wrong someone or something is. What is the point of raising the NCAA Tournament to 96 teams? Keep it somewhat of a task to make the tournament.
In that particular article I was ranting and raving about how RIGHT the idea of expansion could be. Looks like, of the two of us, you're the one who sees the glass as half-empty.
From: Jay
Unbelievable. You took Dwyane Wade's All-Star night and made it into a story about LeBron. If LeBron's supporting cast is one of the worst in the league, then what is Dwyane Wade's supporting cast? A bunch of CYO rejects?
Miami's supporting cast is as bad as Cleveland's supporting cast. I'll give you that. But Cleveland's record is 43-11. Miami's record is 26-27. Winner: LeBron. Next time you want to match wits with me ... don't.
From: Dana Addis
Done reading your stuff. Nice try.
Awww -- did I hurt your wittle bitty feelings? Toughen up, buttercup.
From: Richard Moss
You're a lowlife, and if you ever come to Virginia Beach, let me know so I can kick the s--- out of you! Two years in a row Cleveland has the best record in the NBA at the break. And guess what: LeBron has great teammates. Anderson Varejao, to name one, is in the top five of plus-minus in the entire league.
You're using Anderson Varejao's plus-minus to prove he's a good player? His plus-minus is high BECAUSE HE PLAYS WITH LEBRON.
From: Mark Schaeufele
Yes, LBJ is the best player on the planet, but Shaq is no slack and Varejao should be Sixth Man of the Year. Add Mo Williams, Delonte West ... and any team in the league would take Ilgauskas as a back-up center. Throw in a young stud-to-be in J.J. Hickson, and the Cavs are the best team in the league. Get a clue!
You ought to like this, you Cleveland brown-noser: Your name is an anagram for "Make Usher fecal."
From: Dan
You should be fired as soon as possible! You see the small picture not the big picture! When LeBron was talking about having great teammates around him he meant Amare'! It's hard to get many All-Stars on one team due to cap room! You just seem like a Cleveland hater and I don't like it at all! You look like a huge douche anyways in your picture! Can't wait for Cleveland to get to the NBA Finals with LeBron and the supporting cast!
I love the way you write! Exclamation points don't at all make you look like a 12-year-old girl!
