Wonderlic a big deal? It's so easy, a Freeman could do it

I'm a complete and utter dumbass and yet I crushed the Wonderlic.

Below are 15 sample questions from the test and I aced them, which is frightening since I possess the same IQ as a pepperoni Hot Pocket.

Don't read much -- if anything -- into Tim Tebow's reported Wonderlic score of 22. (Getty Images)

My point is not only to demonstrate the absolute worthlessness of the test -- at least when it comes to predicting NFL players -- it's also to say any player who scores lower than me is in deep trouble and should be immediately drafted by the Raiders.

Overall the test is about as useful an eight-track tape player.

The test is again being heavily discussed after the Palm Beach Post reported Florida's Tim Tebow scored a rather pedestrian 22 out of 50, which is slightly below the average for NFL quarterbacks of 24. Sam Bradford scored a 36, Colt McCoy a 25 and Jimmy Clausen a 23. No matter how their careers progress, Bradford, McCoy and Clausen can all take solace in the fact they outscored Jesus on the Wonderlic.

Vince Young reportedly scored a six. A six. You get a six for signing your name and knowing how to pee. If you score a lower number than the total count of Tiger Woods girlfriends, that's not great.

Here are the questions, and the answers appear at the very end. Good luck.

1. Look at the row of numbers below. What number should come next?

8 4 2 1 1/2 1/4?

Answer: Looks like the numbers are being divided by half. I think half of one-quarter is one-eighth. Then, you multiply one-eighth by 700, carry the four, use the exponent of the inverse number of Dick Vitale orgasms, and you get the number of future Ben Roethlisberger accusers.

2. Assume the first two statements are true:

1. The boy plays baseball.
2. All baseball players wear hats.
3. The boy wears a hat.
Is the final one:
True
False
Not Certain

Answer: I answered true, that is, unless the baseball players are these guys.

3. Paper sells for .21 cents per pad. What will four pads cost?

Answer: I thought, "Isn't that just 21 times 4? What the hell?" Even a world class buffoon like me could figure that out. Any player who gets this question wrong is immediately qualified to become a national sports columnist.

4. How many of the five pairs listed below are exact duplicates?

Nieman, K.M.
Neiman, K.M.

Thomas, G.K.
Thomas, C.K.

Hoff, J.P.
Hoff, J.P.

Pino, L.R.
Pina, L.R.

Warner, T.S.
Wanner, T.S.

Answer: This must be the question Young got right. It's painfully easy. I mean, all you have to do is look and know there's a difference between "Pino" and "Pina" or "Massa" and "Massage."

5. PRESENT/RESERVE, Do these words:

have similar meanings;
have contradictory meaning;
mean neither the same nor opposite?

Answer: neither word has jack to do with the other. Kind of like Brady Quinn/Quarterback.

6. One of the number figures in the following drawing is most different from the others.

What is the number in that figure?

Answer: At first, I got all deep and complicated and tried to name the shapes but then I just counted sides and -- presto -- saw that the fourth shape had more than four sides. What is that shape anyway? A polygon, hexagon, a John Kruk-a-gon? (You'll just have to take my word for it on this one).

7. A train travels 20 feet in 1/5 second. At this same speed, how many feet will it travel in three seconds?

Answer: Got this one wrong. I hate these stupid train questions. They'd be better this way: "A train packed with marijuana travels 100 feet in five seconds. How long will it take the train to reach Ricky Williams' house?"

8. When rope is selling at $.10 a foot, how many feet can you buy for sixty cents?

Answer: Can I hang myself with the rope?

This was simple multiplication and I'm to math what Tea Partiers are to Keith Olbermann and I still figured it out, albeit slowly.

9. The ninth month of the year is:

October
January
June
September
May

Answer: Literally counted on my fingers to answer this one. The only people who don't know what month the ninth is are 2-year olds.

10. Which number in the following group of numbers represents the smallest amount?

7 .8 31 .33 2

Answer: C'mon.

11. In printing an article of 48,000 words, a printer decides to use two sizes of type. Using the larger type, a printed page contains 1,800 words. Using a smaller type, a page contains 2,400 words. The article is allotted 21 full pages in a magazine. How many pages must be in smaller type?

Answer: The only reason I got this one wrong was because I was too lazy to attempt it.

12. The hours of daylight and darkness in September are nearest equal to the hours of daylight and darkness in:

June
March
May
November

Answer: This one was initially confusing. I eliminated June and May of course and guessed it was either March or November. I used rudimentary deduction: Since it's March Madness time the answer must be March.

13. Three individuals form a partnership and agree to divide the profits equally. X invests $9,000, Y invests $7,000, Z invests $4,000. If the profits are $4,800, how much less does X receive compared to having the profits divided in proportion to the amounts invested by X, Y, and Z?

Answer: No friggin clue.

14. Assume the first two statements are true.

1. Tom greeted Beth.
2. Beth greeted Dawn
3. Tom did not greet Dawn
Is the final one:
True
False
Not Certain

Answer: This one's easy. I inserted Tiger for Tom, Rachel Uchitel for Beth and Elin Nordegren for Dawn:

Tiger greeted Rachel.
Elin texted Rachel.
Tiger's head did not greet Elin's 9-iron.
The answer then has to be false.

15. A boy is 17 years old and his sister is twice as old. When the boy is 23 what will be the age of his sister?

Answer: This is a trick question but not even Wonderlic can trick a trickster. I got it right proving an idiot can beat this test.

In the end I got three wrong and that's because on one of them I was too lazy to try.

The Wonderlic continues to be the greatest example of how teams out-think themselves. It means nothing. It means absolutely nothing.

Tebow's lower score won't be a factor in whether or not he's a successful NFL quarterback. The fact he's a system player with limited skills and a throwing motion that resembles that of a 75-year-old man with an arthritic shoulder is a far more important marker.

Former player Mike Mamula scored a stratospheric 49 on his Wonderlic and was a bust. Alex Smith, one of the all-time busts, scored a 40. Drew Brees scored a 28.

These guys aren't attempting to build warp cores. Just play football.

Although any player scoring lower than me is in deep trouble.

Real answers:
1. 1/8
2. True
3. .84
4. 1
5. Neither same or opposite
6. 4
7. 300
8. 6
9. September
10. .33
11. 17
12. March
13. 560
14. Not Certain
15. 40