Hate Mail: Groupie line starts to the left
Updated July 15
After writing a few things on LeBron James, I was compared this week to feces, to a male porn star, and to a fifth-grader. That fifth-grader thing really bothered me.
Oh, and Europeans are still mad and Mormons are still writing about herbal tea. The more things change, the more Hate Mail stays the same.
Except for this next question. I've never been offered asked this before.
From: Tina from Phoenix, AZ
Please answer me this question honestly: Do sportswriters have groupies?
Ten seconds ago the answer would have been no. Picture, please.
From: Shaun DelToro
LeBron James is a coward? You are one of the filthiest dog piles of crap if I ever saw one. Don't you ever look in the mirror and feel the same way? Seriously.
Funny, but I do. Just this morning I stared into the mirror and said, "Good golly, is that a fleck of corn?"
From: Shonn Isitt
Why don't you formulation your own opinion and not take the rosd most traveled. THe latest LaBron article looks as if it was written by a 5th grader.
You're comparing my writing to a fifth-grader in THAT piece of garbage? I left your e-mail "as is" to teach you a lesson. Not that you're smart enough to get the lesson. Maybe someone will explain it to you.
P.S. Your name is an anagram for "Scottish Inn." The way you write, I'm not surprised. It was either that or "Motel 6."
From: Chris
To even suggest that what Dan Gilbert said about LeBron was OK is crazy. Your column tonight solidifies my previously determined position that you are a huge c---sucker. No wonder journalism is dead.
Damn right I killed it. Just wait until I take aim on communism. Castro got out while the getting was good.
From: 49ers1919
Dan Gilbert sounded just like a slave owner when he made his statements about LBJ. How do you get mad when a man -- not your slave -- makes a decision on his own life? Who wants to play for a slave owner who loves you when you're working for him but hates you and wants to see you do bad when you quit?
If "The Decision" had gone down in a vacuum, you would be correct. But there was no vacuum. That sucking sound you hear? It's the rest of your atrophied brain sliding down your nostril.
From: Frank
I don't find what Gilbert did admirable whatsoever. I find it ironic, to say the least, that the very player Gilbert coveted so much could go from a hero to a villain in the space of the five seconds it took LeBron to announce his intentions.
Five seconds? Not even in reverse dog years was that five seconds. More like 35 minutes -- and every minute with Jim Gray on camera felt like an hour.
From: Felipe
Your soccer article -- The U.S. allows other teams to win the World Cup -- presents some incredibly naive assumptions about sports, considering the high level of writing I'd grown accustomed to get in your column. This has been some of the worst writing you've ever done.
When I write things you like, I'm writing at a "high level." But when I write things you don't like, it's "some of the worst writing" I've ever done. I see how it is, Felipe. I wonder if you see how it is. I doubt you do.
From: Zeller
Your latest article is a huge assumption. What makes you think LeBron could be a great goalkeeper? Yeah he's big and can dribble a basketball, but those qualities have nothing to do with being a keeper.
Goalkeepers are big, quick, explosive athletes with great hands. I'm not saying LeBron could be a great goalkeeper. You're putting words in my mouth. I'm saying LeBron would have been the greatest goalkeeper of all-time. And that would have saved Jim Gray a lot of embarrassment.
From: Wayne
Wrong. It was a Canadian who invented basketball.
I covered college basketball for more than 10 years and had no idea James Naismith was Canadian. All I know is this: When he invented basketball, he was working in this country. Even in 1891, the rest of the world wanted to live here. Good thing Naismith didn't move to Arizona ...
From: George Washington
You should get your facts straight. America didn't invent basketball. The rest of your babbling, I won't dignify. You're a clown.
An American didn't invent basketball, no. But he's Canadian, so what's the difference? Anyway, basketball was invented in America. And it was first played by Americans. And it was perfected by Americans. The only international contribution to basketball is that trapezoid lane, and let's be honest: That's stupid.
From: Amelia
I'm European and I didn't like your World Cup story. I think the comment on sports never evolving in Europe was especially inappropriate. You can stay with your diversity of sports, we don't care! Because we have something you'll never have: a longer and richer history! And don't forget, America was colonized by Europeans but Europe has never been colonized by America.
True, but our last president tried. And if Jeb Bush is our next president, watch out. We're comin' for ya!
From: Andy King
So the best American athletes play football or basketball, or baseball, and ... all the rest play soccer. Weren't you all-state soccer (1987) in high school? Is this a bit of unintended introspection admitting that you aren't and weren't a first-tier athlete?
Excellent point, undercut only by the fact that I was all-state in baseball, too (see: 1987 and '88). Apparently I was one hell of an athlete in high school. Coincidentally, this is my favorite song.
From: Matt from Columbus, OH
I was recently talking to a co-worker of mine. We got onto the topic of our most favorite and least favorite sportswriters. Well, he made it very clear to me that he does not enjoy your material. He said, "I have literally printed out his online articles and wiped my ass with it."
Now I'm getting Hate Mail from a disgruntled reader's co-worker? This is a new low, even for me.
From: Mr. Michael Fore
Back in April you wrote about Harvey Unga's situation with the BYU honor code. Dude, herbal tea is not banned! Research is a helluva thing when you're writing for a national column. Unless you are talking about herbal tea, if you know what I mean.
No idea what you mean. But your name is an anagram for "Oh, film creamer." Sounds like you'll need some Kleenex, if you know what I mean.
P.S. And I think THAT was a new low. Even for me.
From: Brent
Maybe you can explain why CBSSports.com's coverage for the Tour de France and cycling in general is so abysmal?
Just a guess here, but maybe it's because we realize that cycling blows.
From: Patty
What would be your advice to a young aspiring sports journalist who wants to follow in your footsteps?
You'll need three things: Thicker skin. Faster Internet. And bigger shoes.
From: Steve
You're an idiot. Strasburg on the All-Star team? Five starts with a 2-2 record doesn't deserve a spot on the All-Star team. Kris Medlen has pitched better then Strasburg as a starter -- why aren't you complaining that he's not an All-Star?
Kris Medlen? I pour my heart and soul into a Stephen Strasburg column and you come back at me with Kris Freakin' Medlen?!?
From: Arthur Young
You're a dork. Jamie Garcia has proven himself far more than Strasburg. He has a lower ERA, and obviously has pitched many more innings. No, he doesn't throw 100-plus mph or strike out as many batters, but why do you think these are the two criteria that matter most for pitchers?
I wanna see a guy throwing 102 in the All-Star Game. This isn't rocket science.
From: Gregg
He's thrown exactly 36 2/3 innings! NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Interestingly, the pitcher from the Nationals who did make the All-Star team, Matt Capps, has also thrown exactly 36 2/3 innings. And you know what I say about Matt Capps, when comparing his All-Star credentials to Stephen Strasburg's? NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
From: CT Hoosier
I've matured since our last few meetings at the Final Four and I am much less of trouble-maker these days. We must catch up next time you're in Baltimore.
Your name is an anagram for "erotic ho's." Well, it is.
From: Sandro Nardone
You should get off your high horse! Just in case you can't see in front of you because of your ego, there are some better athletes around the world. Then you wonder why people around the world are tired of your arrogance!
Show me the World Cup soccer player who's a better athlete than Reggie Bush. Or LeBron James. Or Chris Johnson. Or Dwyane Wade. Or Shannon Brown of the Lakers. Show me one soccer player with that kind of freakish athletic ability. Just one. I'm not arrogant -- I'm right. OK, maybe a little arrogant. But a lot right.
From: Kris
Try and get your facts correct. The U.S. did not invent baseball! American football is really rugby, which you copied from the British and renamed it "American football."
The U.S. didn't invent baseball? Where is Abner Doubleday from, Iceland? And don't give me that crap about football being copied from rugby. Rugby is a bad game and it had its chance. Rugby is the dodo bird. It's dying. Even the rugby shirt is history. Or should be. Dorky-looking shirt ...
From: Luis
American athletes would dominate soccer? Soccer is about skill, not natural athleticism. You have to eliminate most baseball players as too lazy, basketball players as too tall, football players as too fat. Who does that leave, a bunch of point guards and defensive backs?
Our point guards and defensive backs could kick Paraguay's ass.
From: Steve Wolf
To summarize your incompetence: When you type in "Mike Tyson I" on Google, the search does not auto-complete. When you type in "Gregg Doyel I" on Google, the auto-complete lists "Gregg Doyel Idiot." Congratulations on being a bigger idiot than Mike Tyson.
When you type in "Gregg Doyel A," the auto-complete lists "Gregg Doyel All-State." Thank you for introducing me to this fun new game! I wonder what happens when I type in "Gregg Doyel P" ...
