Tiger's struggles won't drag golf to destruction

For years, we have been told with absolute certitude that without Tiger Woods, there can be no golf. The sport doesn't matter because the ratings say so, and the ratings define all things worthwhile in our world.

Therefore, we would like to announce that the PGA Tour is folding as of today -- three days before its signature event in Kohler, Wis.

It's a lonely tee box as Tiger Woods gets ready to begin his final round at Firestone on Sunday. (AP)

There is, after all, no reason to go on with the event, since apparently nobody is allowed to give a damn about the sport any more. Not now that The Eldrick has burst into flames and has been left a pile of soot in the parking lot at Firestone Country Club.

The level of schadenfreude that accompanies Woods' extraordinary flameout at the Bridgestone Invitational has been, well, extraordinary. Since he has never played worse as a pro (tied for damned near last, 30 strokes off the pace in a tournament with no cut), the army of people enjoying his agony could repopulate Canada.

Which is fine enough, as far as that goes. Everyone gets to vote their conscience, or someone else's lack of conscience. In a judgmental society, what's better than judging someone when they're face-down in a puddle?

But Woods in the ascendant was said to be the only reason for golf to exist at all. We heard it again and again, mostly from people who didn't want to know about any other golfers. Woods was a force of nature undefined by his peers (such as they are), and obliterating the game itself as no other athlete ever has.

Well then, that's all we need to know. Golf as we know it must end. After all, can millions of pigheaded gimme-the-superficial-and-keep-it-coming "fans" be wrong?

True, this means that Woods has nothing to practice for any longer, so he cannot relocate his game and win the 30 or 40 other majors he was going to win. I mean, there wouldn't be any more majors to win, right?

Tiger's lost weekend

Analysis

Steve Elling After claiming progress in his past two events, Tiger Woods was in full reverse at Firestone Country Club this weekend. Read more >>

WGC-Bridgestone Invitational

Elling: Tiger begins final round to little fanfare Mahan wins, earns Ryder spot | Final scores, earnings

Video

Recap: Faldo, Nantz at Firestone Country Club Kostis: Mahan talks about his WGC victory

In other words, this is quite the little paradox. No golf, no Woods. No Woods, no golf. A moebius strip to hell, with David Feherty as your cheerful conductor.

What are the alternatives? Waiting for Woods to return to form and mock all those people who think he is paying karmically for all that freelance canoodling? Watching him thrash around like someone feeling Q-school nipping at his heels? Forcing yourself to believe in the pure entertainment possibilities of Hunter Mahan or Louis Oosthuisen?

Or, as Anthony Kim suggested, giving Woods the Irving R. Thalberg Award and putting him on the Ryder Cup team anyway, despite his current rough patch.

"You can't not pick the guy," Kim said Sunday after Woods' latest lost weekend. "In match play and events like that, it's about who wants to win more and who's going to suck it up more and who's going to grind through bad golf shots, tough situations and sometimes a hostile crowd. I know he wants to win and I would love to have him as a teammate if I make the team."

Well, that's that, then. Except that golf has been banned until Kim is proven right, because if golf is the satellite orbiting around Planet Eldrick, then it's game, set and match.

Or rather, no game. I mean, the ratings wouldn't lie to us again about what matters in life, would they? After all, soccer didn't exist until the 1994 World Cup, and then it disappeared again until last month, and what more proof do you need?

Ray Ratto is a columnist for Comcast Sports Bay Area.