CBSSports.com National Columnist

Hate Mail: As told to his personal valet ...

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Updated Oct. 28

All this Hate Mail I get, week after week after ... ahem. Anyway, all this Hate Mail I get obscures the fact that I'm kind of a big deal here at CBSSports.com.

Let me show you.

From: Phillip Martin

Don't hate on the Phillies just because they didn't get to the World Series. You're used to the Phillies always winning -- so am I -- but that's no reason to put down Howard, Utley, Ruiz and Rollins. I hope you, NOT one of your interns, read this message!

Sure, I read it. But only after it worked its way up the chain of command here, starting with my Assistant to the Intern, followed by my Intern, who then forwarded your e-mail through several rungs of CBS paper-pushers before finally the president of CBS himself, Mr. Les Moonves, hand-delivered it to my desk. Along with my lunch. No avocado on that salad, either, because I'm allergic to avocado.

From: Bill Joseph

Your article accusing Charlie Manuel of "phoning it in" was way off the mark. If you followed this team as long as I have -- toiling in mediocrity for the most part for 120-plus years -- you'd know Manuel didn't "phone it in."

If I followed the Phillies for all 120-plus years, Bill, I'd be dead. And so would you, unless you're that dude Methuselah from the Bible. But I'm pretty sure he's dead. You dead, Bill?

From: Ben

Your preview of the World Series lacked depth on the side of the Giants. I get that the Rangers have a lot going on, but so do the Giants. You hooked me with your premise but left me hanging with your lack of balance.

Sorry bud. I'm all about the premise. The balance can bite me.

From: Steve

It's people like you who make sportswriters the lowest form of life. When I think of the name Gregg Doyel now and in future I will think of "Disgusting" and "Arrogant." Your article piling on the Phillies was degrading to real sports writing. First, you need to play sports to know what winning and losing is all about. Second, lose the arrogance -- it does no good with that ridiculous bald head you have.

As you said, you're going to think of Gregg Doyel now and in the future. And me? I'll never think of you again, Stan.

From: Dave K.

I was just wondering as I read your reply to "Sanjeev" in Hate Mail this week: Do you worry about the threats that you get? Some of them are brutal -- that witch dude a few months ago -- or do you chalk it up as ticked-off idiots that are "Internet tough guys"?

Well, some people would tell you that I'm an "Internet tough guy." And for now, I suppose they're right. I've had four amateur boxing fights -- 4-0, three knockouts -- but that's not a big deal. What will be a big deal is the day some idiot jumps me in public, and I turn that person into a bloody mess. That will be a news story, and it'll be a great day for sport journalists everywhere. Well, it'll be a great day for me at least.

From: Revhtnht

You should do a Hate Mail column every week. It's beyond amusing. People get their panties in a bunch so easily, and after reading the mail they send you I feel a little better about myself.

Hate Mail ... every week. Huh. Never thought of that. What day works best for you? Me, I'm thinking Thursday.

From: Robert Hund

Interesting Hate Mail to the Urban story. Must be nice to pick and choose between hundreds of messages to find the few you could belittle. It's obvious you feel you overstepped the boundaries a bit, and so, instead of manning up and admitting you were too harsh, you punked out and wrote this bit making fun of Florida fans.

How about we try this, Robert -- I'll choose your message and belittle you, since you dared to assume you know what's going through my twisted head. I overstepped my boundaries? Not even close. If anything I didn't go hard enough after Urban Meyer, but that day's coming. I'm not done writing about your boy. But I am done with you, Bobby. Belittling you was easy. I need some fresh meat. Who's next?

From: Anderson

Who let an obituary writer like you write a half-assed sports blog on his hate for the Phillies? CBS should have fired you a week ago. This is embarrassing literature. You suck as a writer and I cannot imagine you as a person.

Sure you can, Anderson. I bet you're imagining me right now, and I kind of wish you'd stop. You're weirding me out.

From: Kevin St. Clair

How long have you been a Giants fan? If you paid attention to any of the first four games you would have realized the Phillies gift-wrapped those wins for the Giants. Everyone knows the Phillies are the better team by a mile. The Giants got all the breaks through the first four, but the tide turned in Game 5. It's as good as over for your average team.

And then came Game 6. Where were you at the exact moment Ryan Howard watched strike three float past him? Me, I was in the press box, reading this e-mail from you, rooting hard for the Giants to win -- not because I like the Giants, but because I dislike you.

From: William Schneider

Good to see another never-played-a-sport gentlemen talk about a team he hasn't watched for three years and writing CRAP like your articles on the Phillies. Learn to put on a jock.

Signed,

Phillies In Seven

Phillies in seven ... what? Years? Maybe, if by then Ryan Howard has stopped whiffing and Chase Utley has stopped dribbling balls like he played for the 76ers and Jimmy Rollins has learned how to score from first on a double that rolls to the wall. As for me, I played sports. I was all-state in a few of them, including this one sport where there are "nine players" and they swing a "bat" and sometimes, if they're as fast as I was, they "steal a base." Guess the sport, moron.

From: Walter McKinley

Know what you need, Gregg? A hug. Your hotheadedness clearly indicates your all-state baseball coach never hugged you.

No, but he did kick the entire team's butt one day on account of me. I wrote for the high school paper, and -- no conflict of interest here -- did a season preview story before my senior year where I wrote that it was up to the coaches to "orchestrate a repeat of the state championship." The coaches took us onto the football field that day and ran us for an hour, screaming two words over and over -- "Doyel" and "orchestration."

From: David

Nothing to do with the articles, but your picture is hilarious. Tough-guy pic? For those of us who have seen your nice-guy pic, the mean mug shot is hilarious. No glasses, just-stepped-out-of-the-octagon look in your eyes. Is it because you've covered MMA, or are you just trying to change your overall image?

My midlife crisis hit early. Somewhere along the line I went from soft and happy-go-lucky to ... this.

From: Al C.

Charlie Manuel oversimplifies everything -- in stark contrast to the media, which overcomplicates everything. Seeing how the media knows very little, less most likely is more -- and Charlie very definitely knows more. Seeing as how you misspell your own name, silence would be more in your case.

Well put. And imagine if Dwyane Wade's mother had named me. I'd be Gregg Dyoel.

From: Jordan A.

What's with everyone comparing you to Bill Simmons? That guy's a joke who I wouldn't waste my time reading.

I'm as competitive as the next guy, but Simmons has all kinds of writing ability. Reading him isn't a waste of time, assuming you have the time to read him. His stories tend to go on ... and on... and on ...

From: Brian

Wow. You're a complete idiot. Do you want Victorino cry about his hitting woes? He has to move on and look to the next game. You are one of the dumbest, if not the dumbest, sports columnists I've ever seen.

Apparently you've never read Simmons.


Gregg Doyel is a columnist for CBSSports.com. He covered the ACC for the Charlotte Observer, the Marlins for the Miami Herald, and Brooksville (Fla.) Hernando for the Tampa Tribune. He was 4-0 (3 KO's!) as an amateur boxer, and volunteers for the ALS Association. Follow Gregg Doyel on Twitter.
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