Hate Mail: Some of you have been doing your reading
Once upon a time I liked the New York Jets. Seriously, I did. Maybe you saw what I wrote a few days ago about Mark Sanchez, a slobbering story if ever there was one. Maybe you saw what I wrote a year ago about the whole team, when I demanded to know why the average fan was so turned off by Rex Ryan and his team.
Now, I get it. Now I'm turned off by Rex Ryan and his team. So today I'm writing this column as a request, to the New England Patriots, on behalf of all those people -- on behalf of all of us -- who are tired of folks like Rex Ryan and Antonio Cromartie shooting off their alligator mouths:
|Your mission is clear, Bill Belichick. Beat the Jets so we don't have to listen to them anymore. (AP)|
That's my request to the Patriots. Beat the Jets, and beat them badly. Shut them up -- if not forever, at least for the next few months. Rid us of the plague of locusts that flies out of Rex Ryan's mouth every time he opens it and inserts a foot. This is a man who clearly enjoys the taste of toes, and I for one am tired of it.
But it wasn't even Ryan who set me off. Today I was all set to write about the BCS title game from Monday night, and about the six-week layoff that claimed another hundred million victims -- us, the fans -- who turned on the television to watch the best two teams in college football and instead got stuck watching rusty Auburn play rusty Oregon. The game was close, but the game was not great. That was my column for today. But instead I blogged on it. Right here.
Because before I could write that as a column, Antonio Cromartie shot off his alligator mouth.
Antonio Cromartie calling anyone an assho-- is the height of irony, considering Cromartie is one of the worst people, non-criminal division, in professional sports today. Cromartie has fathered seven or eight children -- or nine or 10, maybe 11 by now -- almost all of them with different women in different states. He has so many kids running around the country, he can't name them all. At least, not quickly. If you saw this disgusting clip of Cromartie struggling to name his kids on Hard Knocks, you know what I'm talking about.
He's calling Tom Brady an assho--? Really?
Pay your paternity suits and shut up, Antonio.
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Last I saw of Cromartie, he was getting Pierre Garcon's address in a playoff game last week. He'll be sending Garcon a card on Father's Day, because Garcon was Cromartie's daddy. Cromartie has had lots of fathers this year, getting burned repeatedly by teams who have stayed away from Jets teammate Darrelle Revis for two reasons:
1. Revis is the best cornerback in football.
2. Cromartie sucks.
But in his defense, meager as it is, Cromartie is just following the lead of his coach -- a man I defended, last year, in that story I linked above. I liked Rex Ryan last year. Liked him a lot. But now he has morphed, devolved, from a cocky breath of fresh air who talks up his team into a trash-talking cliché who tears down opponents.
After the Jets beat the Colts on Saturday, Ryan humbly took every bit of credit by noting that "our coaching staff did a great job preparing our guys" and concluding that "I'm thankful I finally got to beat Peyton Manning."
Ryan had already gone after the quarterback he would see this weekend, Brady, when he compared Brady to Manning by noting that, mentally, there is no comparison.
"There's nobody like this guy in the league," Ryan said of Manning. "Nobody studies like him. I know Brady thinks he does and all that stuff, but I think there's a little more help from [coach Bill] Belichick with Brady ..."
After he singlehandedly beat the Colts and stopped Manning -- pretty sure the Jets' coach had two picks and a sack -- Ryan then announced that the AFC semifinal Sunday between the Jets and Patriots would come down to a battle of wits between himself and Belichick.
"This is about Bill Belichick vs. Rex Ryan," Ryan said. "There's no question -- it's personal."
So Jets fans, if you're going to write me that those comments were calculated, that Ryan was trying to take the pressure off Sanchez and his team by attracting attention to himself, save it. That wasn't heroic. That wasn't a man throwing himself at a lion to save the other members of a hunting party. That was Ryan talking up his favorite topic, himself, and trying to draw a member of the other team into his make-believe Rex Land. Belichick refused to bite, because he's smarter than that.
But here I am, as stupid as it gets, devoting almost 1,000 words -- reads fast, doesn't it? -- to Rex Ryan and the J-E-T-S. But I'm directing these words to the Patriots, who can do the rest of us a favor by sending Ryan, Cromartie and the rest of the Jets home for the winter. Enough's enough. Beat the Jets, and beat them good. Another 45-3 rout? Sure. Why not. But on that last touchdown, go for two. Make it 46-3. Make it hurt.
But go easy on my boy Sanchez. I still like that dude. Can't wait for him to play for a grown-up coach.