Vacation happened. But the Paterno family report happened in the middle of it, so I came off vacation -- picture Willis Reed, hobbling heroically onto the court -- and wrote about it.
And then Paterno fans happened. They happened all over my email inbox. Any idea how long it takes to scrub out a Kool-Aid stain? I'll get started with that while you read Hate Mail.
From: Tim Marchok
Be honest. Beyond the executive summaries, did you read either Penn State report? Because there is no way you can read the details of both reports and be that defiantly venomous towards Joe Paterno unless you already hated the man to begin with.
Read them both. Didn't hate Joe before, don't hate him now. But I despise the flat out indifference he showed for 10 years as to whether Jerry Sandusky was or was not a pedophile. Paterno reported what he'd heard to his bosses, then washed his hands of it. Didn't give it another thought, apparently, while more kids were ruined. What page in either report would absolve Paterno of that, Tim?
P.S. I hope you're able to see hurricanes better than you can see Paterno for what he was, Mr. Meteorologist. Looked you up, Tim. Scares the hell out of me that entire cities might be depending on your powers of observation.
From: Ed Hook
You never met the man. I assure you nothing will ever will be found to convict Paterno of anything due to the fact he did nothing wrong.
He did nothing wrong? Close, Ed -- you were so close. Drop the fourth word of that four-word sentence and you're exactly right.
From: Josh Levi
You said the Paterno report will only make true Joe believers feel better. The Freeh Report will make true Joe haters -- including you -- feel better. What's the difference? I don't care what your biased opinion is, I know you aren't a judge nor God. Keep your damn opinions to yourself.
You cared so little about my opinion that you read it, looked for a way to leave me a comment, found it after 35 or 40 minutes of searching (because you're not smart), then typed me an angry letter. Josh, if you cared any more about my opinion, you'd show up at my house with a list of issues for me to address. Please don't.
From: Matt Ruston
You're a (male organ) sucker. Take your hating head out of your ass before I have to do it for you.
But you're welcome any time. Please come help me. Please? I'm begging you. And the truth is, I seem to be having a difficult time taking my hating head out of my, um, ass. Hurry.
From: Not a hypocrite
Your conclusions are wrong about the Paterno report. You obviously are biased and should not be allowed to voice your opinion let alone write a column. Pathetic. Small-minded. Uneducated.
Good thing you didn't sign your name as "Not a coward," my anonymous friend. Because that would make you "Not a truth-teller."
From: Myke Triebold
You, Gregg Doyel, are a horse's (deleted). What you wrote about the Paterno family is wrong, disgusting, and just plain wrong. Shame on you!
Wrong, disgusting and then PLAIN wrong? That sentence would hurt my feelings, Myke, if it weren't so damn adorable.
From: Brian Ribblett
The Paterno report is slanted? The Freeh Report is slanted. Actually read it before commenting.
They're both slanted, you dummy. The truth is somewhere in between. But it starts with Joe Paterno spending a decade not giving a damn whether Jerry Sandusky was a pedophile. You keep worshiping that idol, Brian. I'll egg it.
From: Bill Joseph
The Paterno report will only make true Freeh report believers feel the same as they did before. A person forced against there will is of the same opinion still and that is you and many others my young friend!
I read your email three times. Couldn't make sense of it. Give it a try, Bill, and write me back. What were you saying here? Good grief, man.
This is like reading Jeff Goodman.
From: Lonnie Kratzer
I would agree that the Paterno family report won't change many opinions due to the fact that people are not very smart and it would be too difficult to actually research a topic. The report itself provides facts that dispute a number of Freeh's conclusions that you clowns bought hook, line and sinker. You also indicate that the NCAA crushed PSU for a reason. Can you please provide me with that reason? And please base it on facts.
Lonnie, why don't you give that last dude's email a shot. Maybe you can decipher what he was trying to say. It takes stupid to understand stupid, and my guess is you and Bill Joseph speak the same language.
From: David Kirby
Although I mostly disagree with you on every issue, I think you are the only one with the guts to report on why all these MLB players are coming into camp weighing 20-30 pounds less. Can you say HGH testing? Come on, Gregg, let's expose this for what it is. Don't let me down once again!
I don't do requests.
From: Bill Leland
Hi, I wanted to reach out to you to see if you wanted to do a review on Classic Match Foosball for iPad from New Potato Technologies.
And I damn sure don't do requests from New Potato Technologies.
You have got to see this blueprint revealing all secrets how to make $5.2 million in five years and how you too can start to make at least 11000 in the next 28 days.
But a request that can reveal the secrets to making $5.2 million in five years? And at least $11,000 in 28 days? I will do that request. Send the blueprint, Spam-Bot.
From: Doug Harlow
Thanks for your coverage of the Sandusky scandal. I know you're taking a lot of heat from *some* PSU people. I'm a PSU grad and think Paterno is despicable. Anyway, it's amusing that some people have claimed Paterno was never called "Coach" in a pathetic attempt to dismiss the connection with the 1998 emails. Jay Paterno just tweeted the following: "Joe Paterno - We love you, Coach." I think that about clears up any ambiguity there.
I printed your email to show folks that there are Penn State people who think as you do. I know you're out there, you and lots of people like you who are mortified by these blindly loyal Paterno fans. Thanks for writing.
From: Dan Thomas
Guess this Paterno family report shows all the injustice that was done by reporters such as yourself just so you could bash someone that stood for more than you ever will.
So true, Dan. Paterno stood for silence in the face of evil. Pretty sure I could never achieve what Joe did on that score.
From: Doug Faulkner
The Freeh report did not interview any of the 14 main characters. Would you like justice to be completed that way if someone accused you of anything?
The Freeh report used police interviews and depositions and testimony -- you know, interviews conducted under oath. You do realize that, right Mr. Professor at Greenville College? (Looked you up.)
From: Tom Oren, Ph.D
The Freeh report can't be wrong? You're not very thoughtful, and once all the trials are completed and the facts -- now what are those? -- are known I suspect little will be heard from you. That will be fine with me.
Now a professor at Western Carolina (looked you up) is chiming in as well? Terrific. What fact absolves Paterno from doing nothing -- literally, nothing -- from 2001-11 to make sure the police had investigated whether Jerry Sandusky was a monster? No facts can do that, professor. Paterno was simply too busy coaching his football team to find out. Those were his priorities. Now they are yours. Higher education, my ass ...
Hey look, I just wrote a Doyel column: Short ambiguous sentence. Another short sentence. Another. Paragraph or two regarding the subject of the article. SHOCKING AND SHORT OPINION! Paragraphs dedicated to giving meaning to certain quotes and the reinforcement of shocking opinion using logic and links to older work. A few one-liners. Make reference to the idiots who will comment below this story. Reinforce main point. End.
Not bad. Do that enough times and you might find yourself recognized for a third straight year in this contest. Only one columnist in America was recognized each of the last three years in this category. Guess what that columnist's name is?
P.S. Whichever one of you edits my Wikipedia page, could you update it with that last link? Please. And thank you.