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National Columnist

Hate Mail: A new picture, but the contempt remains the same

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Everybody hated my old picture, so I got a new one. Cost the company a pretty penny, but since everybody was in agreement about my old mug shot -- Quit trying to look like a tough guy -- I changed it. I'm impressionable like that.

So of course people don't like this new picture, either. Maybe I'm just not good looking. Ever think of that?

Speaking of ugly ... here's Hate Mail.

From: Andy Nolan

This article shows your pure ignorance. If you actually watched the Norfolk State game last year you would see that Mizzou played very well statistically. To say Mizzou just didn't care and that's why it lost is pure ignorance.

Funny thing about the stats from that 2012 game, Andy: They suggest Missouri didn't give a rat's ass. Norfolk State shot 54.2 percent overall, 52.6 percent on 3-pointers, and outrebounded Missouri 35-23. Also, Missouri forced Norfolk State into a lot fewer turnovers (11) than Norfolk committed in the MEAC (15.1 per game). Otherwise, Andy, great email. Write again soon, please.

From: Hanse Walters

Buzz Williams was classless and showed up Butler. Marquette has been fortunate so far, a far overrated No. 3 seed. It all ends with Miami, and we see who dances then.

He "showed up" Butler? This isn't baseball, and stop talking like you played the game. Not with a name like Hanse, which reminds me of this Loony Tunes cartoon.

From: Bill McCallister

Will you just shut up your big mouth? Butler will beat Marquette.

There was no need for you to write me with this prediction. No need for me to print it, either. But just in case you forgot, here it is. This is the one email -- the only one -- you've written me. Not a great first impression, Willie.

From: Jeff Johnson

You called me out in Hate Mail last year (very first email!) after Ethan Wragge from Creighton pulverized my boy Kendall Marshall and I took you to task for what I felt was a horrible analysis on your part. Today I wanted to tell you: Nice piece on Steubenville. I grew up in Barnesville, about 45 minutes south, and football is indeed the fabric that holds a lot of those small towns together -- but what happened in Steubenville is a society issue, not a football issue, which you absolutely nailed.

You paying attention, Willie? This is how you make amends for a bad first impression. By writing me a year later, telling me I'm great. (Thank you, Jeff.)

From: Neil Voskeritchian

Oh my Allah, what will Butler do now that they've been publicly warned that sportswriter Gregg Doyel is watching them? Considering that Gregg is probably the highest-profile bisexual sportswriter in America, I'd recommend the Butler players not allow Gregg to interview them in the locker room, since it is unclear as to what Gregg will be watching.

Did you kick for Colorado in the mid-1990s, Neil? (Looked you up.) Almost 40 years old, and still throwing around sexuality insults like you're 13.

From: Bob Whalon

WOW. You included a link to an AP article where you were nominated for something because your name is listed first? How pathetic. I know most of your readers aren't smart enough to realize that you weren't actually in the top five of that award. You were just listed first because they listed them alphabetically, by website. I enjoy your writing, but that was just sad.

Yes it's subjective and maybe even silly, but for the third year in a row I was named one of the top 10 columnists in the country. The only columnist to do that in 2010, '11 and '12. First, fourth, 10th -- I'll take it. And listen, Bob, don't play the "I'm smarter than everyone" card. Not with this next note coming, also written by you ...

From: Bob Whalon, again

Sorry Gregg, but you're wrong about Hugo's Trey Johnson. What he did was stupid and selfish. He deserves whatever humiliation he gets.

And here I thought your first email was going to be the dumbest one of the day.

From: Pamela Cresswell

Have you ever listened to a sermon by Dr. Jeffress or read any of his books or watched any of his TV programs? Dr. Jeffress only presents God's word and takes a stand when needed. You however throw your darts of hatred and then shield yourself by calling anyone who dare disagree with you as crazies.

But they are crazies.

From: Robiux68

Although Michael took part in Bulls during almost all his career he also took part in other teams including virtual ones. This bland architecture in addition to advance hotlink to Mike's anytime acclaimed jersey amount 23 assured its abode via a flight Jordan shoe band up.

Sometimes, Spam-Bot, you don't make no sense.

From: Abraham

I discovered your blog site on Google and check a few of your early posts. Continue to keep up the very good operate. I just additional up your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. Seeking forward to reading more from you later on!

Better Spam-Bot. Not great, but better.

From: Tom

There is a critical shortage of informative articles like this.

You didn't specify which article of mine you read, but it doesn't matter. You're right. Unless you're another Spam-Bot, in which I say: Well done! Finally you're making all the sense in the world!

From: Sarah Finley

Idiot!

Nor did you specify which article of mine you read, but it doesn't matter. You're wrong.

From: Ohanaka

This is the first time I heard of you. I saw what I thought was a Tebow article and haters to find you just sent a bunch of email back to what you call haters yet your the one that's hating... Doesn't make sense. I enjoyed but didn't enjoy the article. You're actually not that nice a person and your come backs aren't really comebacks except in your head, it's sad ...

Sure hope you're a Spam-Bot. Talk about making zero sense. Good Lord ...

From: Butch Walter

You are such an idiot. You can't even hold your head up straight. Maybe it leans to one side from all those times you got punched in the face.

I changed pictures, exchanging the scowl for this photo with a more superior bemused look, and you're upset that my head isn't ramrod straight? I think you stare too much at my pictures, Butch. Got me on your ceiling?

From: Robert Balogh

You are truly astounding. Even when you are very much right about an issue, you manage to come across as a complete douche nozzle. Looking at the bright side, at least the mohawk is history.

Yeah, but my head leans to one side! Maybe from all those times I got punched in the face.

From: John

I see you are a true Kobe hater.

Nah, I don't hate Kobe. But you? Another few emails like this, John, and sure. I could learn to hate you.

From: Jeff

Read your Kobe story. So by your logic, you are responsible for the things I write about you on the internet ... and everyone else that writes in the comment section of your articles or sends you hate mail? OK, just wanted to make sure.

Asking a question, answering it yourself, and getting the whole thing wrong ... it's a bad look, Jeff. Everyone has a certain amount of logic in their brain. Yours is small. Your logic spot, I mean. And your brain. And maybe even your ... never mind.

From: Mike Livio

Sometimes I read Hate Mail and wonder: Why do you keep doing it? I don't think I could continue it if I got such hateful mail. No one deserves that kind of vitriol and bile. Why do you keep doing it?

I do it because my boss won't let me stop it's enjoyable to interact with readers. But to be honest, there are times I wonder: Why is everyone picking on me?

From: Tito

It's OK, buddy. They just pick on you because they like you.

They must like me an awful lot.


Gregg Doyel is a columnist for CBSSports.com. He covered the ACC for the Charlotte Observer, the Marlins for the Miami Herald, and Brooksville (Fla.) Hernando for the Tampa Tribune. He was 4-0 (3 KO's!) as an amateur boxer, and volunteers for the ALS Association. Follow Gregg Doyel on Twitter.
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