Fix it? Nats fake it while Soriano enjoys joy of leverage

There are people (most of them younger than 25) who believe that sex is better than any other facet of the human condition. This is, of course, wrong.

Leverage is much better, because (and you'll find this out soon enough if you don't already know) there's a lot more available sex than there is available leverage.

We mention this because Alfonso Soriano of the Washington Nationals is pushing an interesting envelope, and the Nationals -- who are playing the role of the envelope -- are trying to decide whether to push back. That alone makes you suspect that the player is going to win here, because the issue seems so clear-cut on its face.

Alfonso Soriano holds all the cards in his 'dispute' with the Nationals. (AP)

The Nationals want Soriano to play left field for them. Soriano doesn't want to. His most recent statement on the matter, made Thursday as he prepared to join the Dominican Republic team at the World Baseball Classic, is fairly clear on the subject:

"They have three weeks to fix it."

In other words, Soriano is playing chicken with general manager Jim Bowden and manager Frank Robinson. We would also say he is playing chicken with the Nationals owners, except that they're really not owned. Major League Baseball has continually put off a decision on which inflated offer to accept for the team, so I guess if you want to put a face on it, it would be Bud Selig's.

Or Phil, the night security guy. Whatever.

Soriano just lost his arbitration hearing and is going to make $10 million this year rather than the $12 million he and his agent, Diego Bentz, sought. Soriano will get that money either from the Nationals (or their future nickname), but that doesn't seem to be an issue here; at least Soriano is not on record as making it an issue, although that extra $2 million could have bought a whole lot of outfielder's gloves.

What Soriano wants is not to play left field. In fact, so far, he has said he won't play left field. Period, full stop, don't bother me.

This is fairly interesting stuff when you think about it ... well beyond what most folks consider a legitimate grievance. A player refusing to play a position creates a full menu of potential concepts, including the one union second chair Gene Orza suggested, only half-facetiously, of the position player being asked to pitch.

Well, this isn't that. This is a position player being asked to play another position, which is actually considered to be pretty much a management prerogative.

But Soriano is testing that prerogative, based on the following precedents:

• No, because I've never played it before.
• No, because I don't want to.

And the kicker:

• No, and why didn't you bring this up when you traded for me, you cloth-eared yahoos?

Now that last one resonates a bit. The Nats already have Jose Vidro, coming off an injury but still on staff and certainly a less sensible candidate for the outfield than even Soriano. So when they traded for Soriano on Pearl Harbor Day, some folks wondered how the two-men-for-one-job thing was going to work out.

Now we know. At least, we think we're about to know.

Normally, these games of chicken are resolved before the spit gets re-targeted from the ground to the shirt-front of the foe. Typically, one side or the other just caves, citing the First Rule of Interpersonal Relations: If the fight means more to the other guy than it does to you, you lose.

So far, though, Soriano has been making the noise about refusing, while the Nationals have been muttering their "Oh, yeah? We'll see about that, Skippy" responses barely above ambient noise. Bowden, in fact, was quoted back on Feb. 23 by the Washington Post as saying, "We've been pretty clear about being unclear."

Now that's leadership, kids.

In true baseball fashion, the Nationals are trying not to address the problem until they know that Vidro will be healthy and ready to play second base. This is known in seminar circles as the "Wait Until it Gets Infected" method, and it is almost always a bad way to do business -- almost as bad as trading for a guy who is going to give you this kind of problem right out of the chute, as they say.

But if Soriano doesn't bend, and Vidro can play, Bowden's put-my-hands-over-my-ears-and-hum-real-loud management style will no longer be helpful. The team will either have to crush Soriano's will, move Vidro or Soriano, or just look stupid on general principle.

It's the choice between cutting your nose to spite your face, cutting off your ears to spite your nose, or running blindfolded down a flight of stairs while brandishing a pair of scissors. All the possible upsides end up being downsides, and the happy vibes of last season will turn to a sour, unpleasant mess for Robinson, a man who probably deserves better.

Now maybe this wouldn't have happened if the Nationals had a real owner. Maybe it wouldn't have happened had Bowden done his due diligence. Maybe it wouldn't have happened if Soriano was more of a best-for-the-team guy. But that's all parallel universe stuff. This is (and God help us for this) what it seems to be -— a bad idea waiting to be sprung on an all-too-suspecting public.

And maybe the fans are already on to how this is going to play out. They already have been given plenty of reasons to distrust the way this baseball-in-Washington thing is going to work out, so how's having no left fielder on opening day going to change that?