Hate Mail: Postcards (closer to) from the edge
Walking the line between edgy relevance and professional oblivion, I print a letter from a lawyer who graduated from Miami and objected to my opinion. And I tee off on him like a Titleist.
One of these days I'll go too far.
While you can, enjoy Hate Mail.
From: Michael Rendzia
After reading your first couple of sentences about the Miami Hurricanes, I had to write. Your opening is perfect. The school has turned into Gangsta U. It is run by a crooked politician. Thanks for getting it out in public. Now I'll go back and finish your article.
It only gets better from there.
From: vince
You're an a--hole. Your article on Miami sucked.
Oh. Guess not.
From: Roland Sanchez-Medina
What is your real profession? I read what you said about Miami: "It is overseen by a grim-faced little blood sausage of an athletics director named Paul Dee, who answers to a two-faced politician of a school president named Donna Shalala." Then I concluded that you are a journalist like Rush Limbaugh is a journalist. You have serious issues in taking such personal shots at two people who I trust you hardly know. In Doyel fashion, I would end by making a personal remark about your picture, but I don't know you that well to make a material comment.
Hello, Counselor (looked you up). If you're going to take a shot at my looks, borrow someone's testosterone and take it. Otherwise move along.
From: Luke Schlichter
You are an awful writer and God only knows how you're still employed. Well actually I know why you're still employed: to be a d---. You are the CBS SportsLine.com d---. You aren't fit to do Gary Williams' laundry, so you ought to keep to your pathetic little self. I hope you realize that your writing is widely considered to be a joke.
Hey there, do-gooder. Thanks for making all of us safe from nuclear proliferation (looked you up). I hope you realize that last name is synonymous with criminal gambling.
From: Phil Corey
I am a graduate of Ohio State and have lived in Miami for 35 years. Through osmosis I have joined the Hurricane family. I am Kyle Wright's Living Scholar. I just read your blistering indictment of Miami. You are too intelligent and too street smart to believe that what you wrote was not politically correct and in vogue. While I may agree with some of your assessment, did you ever ask the university how many athletes they graduated or how many guys visited inner-city high schools or children in hospitals?
Nope. I saw 20 or 30 of them take part in a disgusting on-field brawl on the same night the "U" had invited every high school football team in the state to watch the game for free. That act of sincere, unhinged violence tells me more than any staged hospital trip ever could.
From: Dan Fiorenzo
Doyel, I am writing to respond to this comment of yours: "Apparently there's a chance that Pittsburgh will be the No. 1 ranked men's basketball team when the poll comes out today. Let me be on record as saying this would be the worst No. 1 team in recent college basketball history." I think your argument is laughable.
I see you're a Pike at Pitt (looked you up). On a per-friend basis, how much you paying this semester?
From: dOUG pHARR
It's not cool to take pot shots at Gary Williams.
Please fix the all-caps button on your cOMPUTER.
From: Peter Nieanber
Your Chad Johnson article was titled, "Squeaky Johnson gets the ball." Brilliant name for the article.
Thanks! Woohoo! Oh. Shoot. I don't write headlines. Damn.
From: bob
To refer to Miami as a spewing biohazard shows you to be a hypocrite, and not worth reading any more. Yes, Miami players have had run-ins. Please name the major college program that hasn't. Why did I waste my time responding to such a butthead?
Because I struck a nerve? Because you know I'm right? Because writing to me is as close to greatness as you'll ever come? Those are your choices. "All of the above" also works.
From: LSU Mark
Tell me this cyber fish-wrap is going to start promoting you. They are under-utilizing a true star. You may be the modern-day Mark Twain.
Insulting my website is no way to get on my good side. Then again ... you're right. I am under-promoted. Stupid cyber fish-wrap.
From: Big D
Jim Grobe is a great coach. I would have loved to have him at Miami, until I saw that a bleached-blonde f----- on the Internet such as yourself was trumpeting his name. You quote Eminem and Bette Midler, for Christ's sake. Do you think the University of Miami, the most successful college football program of the past 30 years, is going to shudder when some teeny-bopping showtunes-listening f----- who looks like something Nancy Pelosi dragged out of a Starbucks bathroom in the name of gay rights throws some weak smack our way?
Jeez. Someone here needs to come out of the closet. (Not me).
From: Brian
Your irrational hatred of Gary Williams is disturbing. Leave college basketball to Parrish, you can write about ... well, anything else.
Here are some nice words about Gary Williams, so pay attention. He's one heck of a coach. He has a fabulously dry sense of humor. But he's a raving lunatic on the sideline. I've watched lots of basketball, and when it comes to courtside manner, Williams has the worst I've ever seen.
From: Gary Kelley
I find it humorous that you talk of Barry Bonds' declining skills since you have never shown any skills as a writer. The next time you bare your teeth at Bonds I will only think that you are in the perfect position to bite me.
Well done, Gary. This e-mail was mean, clever and insulting in one tidy little package. I'm hurt, yet tickled. Is this what it feels like to read Hate Mail? Damn you readers are lucky. Or were lucky.
