Updated July 17
For 19 years I've kept my peace about the first journalism professor I ever had. Looks like I couldn't make it to 20. Oh well. Anniversaries are overrated.
Hate Mail? Underrated. Even I don't understand how great this thing is. And I'm brilliant. That was an attempt at humility.
From: Harry Poppins
You're out of your mind! Brett Favre has held the Packers hostage for several seasons, and it's time he was shown the door. Trade him to Buffalo or Lard Lake or Pflugerville at the last possible minute.
Two things about your e-mail captured my attention. One, your name. Do you have a fraternal twin, and is her name Mary? Two, for the second week in a row, Hate Mail has a Pflugerville reference. That's pretty pfunny.
Is Favre your lover? He's wishy-washy.
Yes he is.
Two seconds after a great Wimbledon final, you're thinking of an article to trash the relevance of the sport. You really do suck!
But I do it well. Trash the relevance of the sport, I mean.
From: Kevin Janofski
Please do a LITTLE research before writing your next article. This tennis article wasn't even close. Oh, and one thing -- Rafael Nadal is 22. A guy who's this young having won as many slams as he has and yet he is "behind the times?" Come on! What were you doing at 22?
I think the extra 'G' in your name stands for gay. You should graft that weak goatee onto your receding hairline.
Commenting on my sexuality and appearance ... I think you're hitting on me, Joe. And just a few minutes ago we were talking about Mary Poppins. How does Hate Mail always go so wrong?
From: Joe Rukaj
In the Favre story you allude to Lemieux and Jordan and their comebacks. However, you failed to mention how they weren't nearly as effective and probably hurt their teams' progress. You also didn't mention that no one player is bigger than the team or the game.
Nor did I mention the ozone layer, Bronko Nagurski or breakfast on a stick -- none of which has anything to do with Brett Favre being better than Aaron Rodgers.
From: Lindsey Lohan
Bad article on Chicago fans, Gregg. What are they supposed to do -- boo someone who wishes to play for them? I give that article an 'F.' The tennis article gets a C-plus. That's actually not bad, just not good. Elijah Dukes is a B-plus -- probably your max.
You remind me of my first college journalism professor, Mr. Patterson, who gave me a C-plus in Intro to Writing. Me! That's like giving Van Gogh a C-plus in Finger Painting 101.
From: Dipesh Karki
You're an idiot. You remind me of that story about the fox who concluded the grape was sour just because he couldn't reach it.
Your name is an anagram for "khaki spider." As for me, I prefer the story of the scorpion and the frog. I understand the scorpion.
I'm still laughing at this tennis article because people at the club hit the courts after the Wimbledon final and there's hasn't been a court available since then. How exactly did you get this job?
Nobody likes a know-it-all. Especially a snobby know-it-all who wears khakis and drives a Spyder and belongs to "the club."
From: Phil, again
And where do you get off calling Edberg boring? Just clueless. Edberg ALWAYS sold out his matches because of his exciting serve-and-volley style. Please don't write about tennis.
Please don't wear khakis.
From: Phil, a third time
People who don't know tennis shouldn't write about it. Federer is not finished and tennis has not left the building. Nadal's win was great for the game and I'm sure the U.S. Open will now have its highest attendance and TV ratings ever.
And please stop writing me. CT Hoosier will get jealous.
From: CT Hoosier
The Packers can't be serious.
You write one letter all week, and this is it? Five lousy words? I'm starting to like Phil more than you.
Barry Bonds is probably wiping his ass right now with this article.
If he goes to the pokey after his federal trial for perjury, he'll have lots of people wanting to help with that.
From: Philip B.
Little Greggy, with your little hairline, your little glasses and your BIG hatred. Wild guess here, you were never given an interview you pestered Bonds for and now it's time for the little guy to get back. I have to let you in on a secret -- Giants faithful genuinely like Bonds.
And some people genuinely like cobras. Those people are stupid.
From: Brett Faulkner
Tennis is leaving? You, my good friend, are a sissy.
When do you know you have problems? When you're called a sissy by a tennis person.
From: Sports fan
Gorilla marketing at its finest. But don't quit your day job and try for one in sports marketing, as Bumble F---, Ohio, is not exactly the global center of research or sport, particularly tennis. Tennis is actually alive and well. It's hard to get a court at my club.
"Your" club is no doubt full of "your" people, and to quote Tom Cruise in Far and Away: My people hate your people.
The reason there is so much Brett Favre negativity from the "experts" is because that's the easy way out. In this day and age it's fashionable to rip the hero and try to tear him down. Nice to see someone like you write with some brains. Well done.
I've always been one to find the sunny side of life. Let others be mean. That's my position. Are you in good hands? Oh ... sorry. There I go quoting that damn All-State commercial again.
As a senior tennis fan I find your comments offensive. It is sad that U.S. men haven't been that successful recently. I also find that people don't appreciate the talents of the Williams sisters. By the way I find your comments provoking and negative.
Provoking and negative? I thought I was Mr. Sunny Side. I definitely was Mr. All-State.
You finally wrote an article about tennis ... but I should have known it would be negative. Your in-depth research of asking a pimply-faced store clerk if he's sold any racquets lately was quite impressive, and reason enough to declare the demise of tennis. Rockhead. Keep up your boxing -- while I'm still playing tennis at age 70 you'll be in a wheelchair poking some other old fart in the chest arguing over who can kick whose ass. But you can always tell him you were all-state in high school.
Damn right. In a second sport, too.
That's great. The one time you actually write an article about tennis, it's about how tennis is dead. Why don't you try being positive for once? Oh, wait I forgot. You hate your life.
Not true. I'm a borderline narcissist. Considering my habit of linking to my high school exploits, maybe I've crossed the border.
From: Jay Lukas
Finally, an intelligent article about Favre. I've had to endure idiots who claim he is the most overrated quarterback, etc. I was beginning to wonder if there was an intelligent sports writer left.
I'm nothing if not intelligent.
Does this mean I'm nothing?
From: Forrest Townsley
Wow, when it comes to getting an NBA franchise, Oklahoma City doesn't know anything. What does that make you?
Less than nothing, I suppose.
From: Eddie Torres
Brett Favre has been in the spotlight long enough -- it's time for him to man up and go home. And if you can't figure that one out, then you and he must be related. Get a life and do everyone a favor and change your profession.
You want me to (1) get a life and (2) do everyone a favor and (3) change my profession. You didn't even say please.
With your top 25 MMA fighters, I just wanted to ask you one question: How good would it be to see GSP and Anderson Silva go at it?!? Your honest opinion, please.
GSP-Silva would be the greatest matchup of all time. I've already begged for that fight.
From: Ray Schuck
Thanks for reading my blog entry and for the response. Sorry about the long title. I didn't mean to be pretentious in any way. I just copied and pasted my signature from my university email account to identify myself, without really thinking about what was in there. I suppose it does reflect something about academics that that -- or even more information -- is the standard kind of practice. As for my capacity for flagellation, or flatulation for that matter, as I'm sure my wife could attest, you don't know the half of it. I'll let you know next time I'm teaching the gender and communication course.
I knew it. I knew you were a good guy. And by "good guy," I mean someone who stops being mean to me. Because I'm as soft as the next guy. Well, not technically the very next guy.
Please keep your anti-conservative views out of your SPORTS articles.
Please keep your tender little feelings out of my HATE mail.
From: Jonathan Canoe
Transparent or sincere? I can't figure it out. For a guy who's so negative about so many things, your Love Note to Billy Packer comes across at first as a transparent attempt to sneak the camel's nose under whatever tent Mr. Packer will be setting up in the near future. Then again, maybe you really did like this guy's style.
You thought that was a love note to Billy? I acknowledged that viewers seem to hate him, and for that reason his departure is good for CBS. If I'm the best friend Billy's got -- and I might just be -- he's in sad shape.
From: Burton DeWitt
Your defense of Billy Packer sickens me, but I respect what you wrote. You are sad to see him leave CBS. I am sad to see that he is still alive. I'll take the silver medal here though and wait a couple years until he does die.
Picture me speechless.
I disagree with your Favre article. The Packers need to prepare for this upcoming season and don't have time to bow to Favre's whims. Mike Freeman won.
Freeman won? Freeman didn't win, and I'll tell you why. Because I'm Gregg Cannon Doyel. And he's not.
You're the only guy who's made sense about this whole Brett Favre situation. I can't even say anything else because you said all that needed to be said perfectly. I'm voting for you to be president.
I couldn't be president. My middle name -- it really is Cannon -- is too dangerous.
From: John Croft
Sorry, but I kind of gave up on your article. Too weak! You cut your own throat when you brought up the draft. Green Bay drafted not one but two quarterbacks in April, when they were sure Favre was out of the picture. What does that tell you? That tells me that if Brett wants to come back, do it somewhere else. If he loves the Packers so much, why does he keep screwing them. You lost me, man. Freeman got it right. Sorry.
Sorry but I kind of gave up on your email. Too weak! You cut your own throat when you quoted my story and made me realize that there aren't two real writers in your letter, just one -- and I'm him. Or he is me. Myself.
So you believe just because a guy has a Hall of Fame career he can hold a franchise hostage?
No. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. (Well, I believe in some of that.)
Gotta disagree with your Favre story. He continues to have an ego much bigger than his property in Mississippi. Sorry. I think you are good writer, but Freeman is correct on this one.
Ego has nothing to do with Favre's greatness, or Rodgers' inexperience, or my utter dominance over Mike Freeman. I'm Ron Guidry. Freeman is Brian Kingman.