NEW YORK -- Fans of the New York Knicks have a long way to go before they reach the obnoxiousness of Jets fans.

Let me explain. Jets fans have made the NFL Draft one of the more entertaining events in sports because of their costumed silliness and angst-ridden obnoxiousness.

They boo every pick and carry on like wild banshees. Jets fans are nuts. They set the standard for draft craziness.

Now comes the NBA Draft and Knicks fans. They tried to act the fool but yelling "Let’s Go Knicks!" just didn’t cut it. They cheered for director and Knicks fan Spike Lee, who was here at Madison Square Garden, but the effort wasn’t foul enough. A Jets fan would have booed.

The Knicks fans, truth be told, were kind of lame.

Knicks fans: if you want to the reach highs of the Jets fan’s lows, you must be much more insufferable at draft time.

Reach for the stars, Knicks fans, reach for the stars.

And boo more.

Or toss out a few "You suck!"

NEW YORK -- The guy I believe will end up being one of the top two or three values from this year's draft will be Florida's Joakim Noah. There's no question about it.

Go ahead and chuckle. Join my good friend Prisco, who knows nothing about basketball by the way, in mocking me. Mejia is probably giggling his a-- off as well.

Laugh it up fellas, but Noah will end up being one of the best combinations of talent, hustle and entertainment of any player picked this year.

I watched a lot of his career at Florida, and while his jump shot sometimes resembles a man receiving a strong electric jolt to his gonads, his offense will improve with solid coaching.

At a time when NBAers are too lackadaisical and selfish, Noah adds enthusiasm and professionalism. He will become a quick fan favorite.

So when you hear Prisco mocking me and Mejia calling me a moron, ignore them and listen to the most knowledgeable basketball person in the history of the world.

My mom. Ah, I mean, me.

So I sit down to do this fancy-smancy list of the top 50 jerks and things are moving along nicely until I get to the name of Pete Rose. Then, I get stuck.

Just how big a jerk is he, I debate? I ask friends. I ask the smartest person in the world, the wife. I ask five or six others, and there is no consensus. Others rank him everywhere from the 40s to No. 1.

I finally decide he is in the top five.

The only problem is I didn't put him on my list. Duh. My readers noticed the absence so this is me, the dumbass, explaining why.

Rose should probably be tied for fifth but even now he is the only name of all of them that I remain unsure where he should be ranked. Fifth? Third? Second? Tenth?

I have also been asked about cyclist Floyd Landis, who flunked a drug test as well as having some people in his employ do some alleged creepy things. But to me, he’s not a top 50. Not yet.

Maybe next year. He can dream.

Enjoy the list and keep the feedback coming.

President Bush declared 3 a.m. on Wednesday June 20 "Pacman Jones Hour" to celebrate the 60-minute period when the sports star was not a suspect in a shooting, strip club incident or otherwise charged with a crime.

The declaration, made from the White House, sparked worldwide celebration and shock as people from Rome to Romania were jubilant that for one hour of the year Jones was not interrogated by police or questioned by the NFL.

"This hour will go down in history as a great hour, a momentous hour, our finest hour, an hour of hope and celebration," the President said from the Oval Office while surrounded by members of Congress and the four remaining strippers in America who do not know Jones.

"If Pacman Jones can go 60 minutes without being charged or questioned about a crime," said Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, "then there is hope for the rest of the world. Who would have thought that Mr. Jones would be a catalyst for peace?"

O.J. Simpson released a statement from behind a group of shrubs on the back nine where he continues to look for the real killer (and the third shot of a par-5). Said Simpson: "If Pacman is not charged with a crime or interrogated for a whole damn hour of the day, well, that gives someone like me hope."

Bush was so excited about the development he wore Jones' jersey to his briefing with reporters. Also in attendance were the lawyers for Jones and representatives of the National Association for Kindness to Exotic Dancers or NAKED.

Jones was not present but Tennessee coach Jeff Fischer read a statement from him: "I am honored by this hour being named after me. I could not have gotten this far without my ladies, so Cheetah, Flava, Gold, Samantha Foxxx, Tender, Blondie, Paradise and Bella, well, thank you my lovelies."

Bush's decision to name the 3 o'clock hour of June 20 as Pacman Jones Hour began early that morning. Bush said he was reviewing intelligence reports when, from 3 to 4 a.m., he didn't see Jones' name on the reports as he normally does.

"There are constantly warnings of increased chatter at our listening posts about Pacman's activities," said Bush. "Particularly around midnight when the strippers begin their shifts. But this time, for that 3 o'clock hour, no Pacman name on the Intel reports. I called Condi and said, ‘What the f--- sister? Where's Pacman?"

Alerts were issued to the CIA, NSA, FBI and NFL. Agents located Jones, a source close to the situation said, in bed with seven exotic dancers and Elijah Dukes. Sources said reports that three Cincinnati Bengals were also in Pacman's bed were untrue.

"The fact Pacman was at home for an hour," Bush told reporters, "says he wants to change."

Former President Clinton once considered a "Lawrence Taylor Hour" but was unable to find a 60-minute period when the ex-New York Giants linebacker was not in trouble.

If Kobe Bryant is not a New York Knick or Chicago Bull by the start of next season, I'll buy Tony Mejia another steak dinner.

Bryant continues to prove what I have been saying for some time. He is an everlasting, galactic turd.

Now, he is doing everything possible to get the hell out of Los Angeles and alienate every Lakers fan he can in the process.

Trade me, don't trade me. The Lakers love me, they love me not.

Ko-Me Bryant. That's who he is.

Yet his extreme selfishness will cease to prevent other teams from trading for Ko-Me because of his stunning talent.

I think he will end up in New York. The Knicks' salary cap situation is already a disgrace, so why not mortgage the future until the year 2035 instead of 2025?

Getting Bryant would be a typical Isiah Thomas move.

Then in a few years Bryant will complain and want to leave New York.

It's the Ko-Me way.

CLEVELAND -- Daily itinerary of a local Cleveland television broadcaster:

6:00 a.m.: Wake up and yell "Go Cavs!"

6:01: Pee. Imagine you are going on the head of Gregg Popovich.

6:01.30: Yell "Go Cavs!"

6:05: Brush teeth. Clean spittle off mirror from yelling "Go Cavs!" while brushing teeth.

7:00: Go for morning run. Every mile scream "Go Cavs!"

8:30: Bemoan the lack of Cavaliers coverage in the Plain-Dealer.

9:30: Get dressed. Iron signed LeBron jersey.

10:30: Arrive for production meeting. Begin office prayer: "Dear God -- May you please bless the Cavaliers and send the Spurs to the eternal damnation of hellfire."

Noon: Ask PR department for 18 free tickets to game.

12:30: Switch jerseys for pep rally. Wear Drew Gooden’s.

3:00: Ask Sasha Pavlovic for autograph again. ***Note: remember restraining order. Stay at least 200 feet away.

5:00: Begin live broadcast from The Q with "Go Cavs!"

6:30: Try not to get angry that Cavs coverage is cut short by Iraq war update.

9:00: Game starts. Make sure Cavs boxers are clean this time.

11:00: Cavs Win!

Midnight: Have sex with significant other. When done yell: "Go Cavs!"

SAN ANTONIO -- So I am not one to gossip or read the National Enquirer -– that's my boy Pete Prisco's deal (he likes the magazines with the aliens and Bigfoot on the covers) -– but this is too juicy not to discuss.

I lost a bet to Tony Mejia from CBS SportsLine.com recently. One thing: Never bet against Mejia on matters of NBA. He knows the league as well as anybody. He'll dust you and then brag about it on his blog. Punk.

He smoked my ass on this bet I am too embarrassed to discuss and the end result was that I owed him a very expensive dinner.

We were enjoying our meal and the excellent wait service when I asked the waiter if any Spurs dined at the restaurant. Apparently a great many do. The waiters say all of the Spurs players are extremely courteous particularly Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili. Gregg Popovich is equally friendly. He sits at the same table in the back (not surprising) and tips extremely well.

The waiters there love the Spurs. They LOVE the Spurs.

Well, except one Spur. She's not on the team but she is practically a member of it.

Let's just say Eva Longoria isn't exactly well liked by many of the wait staff in this establishment.

Ah, let's just say she is hated.

"Mean and condescending" is how the waiter described her. His words, not mine. There were others equally unflattering.

Boy, how do you really feel, Mr. Waiter?

I almost threw up my salmon from laughing so hard when he described her.

Yes, you are shocked –- shocked! -– a Hollywood starlet allegedly treats waiters obnoxiously.

Just stunned.

On and on the waiter went describing her. He gave an example that had me chuckling again. At this type of high class and popular restaurant waiters can make a great deal of money in tips by turning around tables quickly. The more a waiter can sit people down, get them served, and subsequently sit down others, the more in tips they make.

In just several hours, at this kind of restaurant, they can earn hundreds of dollars.

The waiter said that once Longoria ordered a bottle of Pelligrino and a dessert. The bill was $18 and the tip five bucks.

The tip was fine. But Longoria stayed at the table for almost two hours and that is all she ordered.

The waiter was furious. He probably lost a great deal of money.

And he's still furious about it.

So there is your tabloid report. You can thank me later. You too, Prisco.

And trust me.

Our waiter got a huge tip. I don't ever want this guy mad at me.

SAN ANTONIO -- The year is 2032.

Yao Ming owns the Houston Rockets.

The head of the players association is Manu Ginobili.

Before the Finals in Tokyo, Grant Hill, commissioner of the NBA, celebrates the extensive foreign influence on the sport.

And the NBA is seven percent black.

Professional football is 85 percent black and because of intense diversity drives that have been ongoing for decades, Major League Baseball is 60 percent black and Latino while NASCAR is 30 percent black.

The sports world is drastically different.

There is no bigger example of this than professional basketball. In Europe, basketball nearly equals soccer in popularity, as European men use basketball to help them escape poverty and come to America.

They fill in the gaps of the mass exodus of black NBA players who have departed for other sports.

Well, thank you for allowing me to have some fun and engage my Sci-Fi side.

The point is, the NBA we see now will look drastically different in 25 years.

It could be dominated by foreign-born players, mostly from Europe but also from parts of Latin America and China.

That foreign influence is constantly being championed by commissioner David Stern. He spoke of it again during his recent state-of-the-league address.

"I guess it's not fair just to mention the international influence on the Spurs," Stern said. "The contributions to the NBA from Brazil, Lithuania and Montenegro on the Cavalier team have been no less substantial, and again, they're sort of representative of the international influence that we've seen this past season, including Dirk Nowitzki, our MVP."

Yes, I had a little fun with this.

But I don't think I'll be so far astray.

SAN ANTONIO -- Will one of the NBA's most visible and important figures attend the sport's biggest event, the Finals?

Dallas owner Mark Cuban is still making up his mind.

Despite being just a short flight away in Dallas, Cuban is still deciding if he wants to attend the NBA Finals.

"Don't know yet," he said when I e-mailed and asked if he was going to attend.

Why, I later asked?

"I got plenty of Finals last year...," he said.

The Mavericks of course lost last season's Finals to Miami.

My guess is Cuban will make an appearance. He's close. He can catch one of those super-duper fancy jets and be here lickety-split by Game 2 on Sunday.

No matter how much he does not want to relive last year, Cuban cannot resist attending the Finals. He'll show up.

I'm packing, getting ready for my flight to the NBA Finals, when I ran across this headline:

"Man Sues Over Permanent Erection."

Now, there are certain things that stop you in your tracks. A letter from the IRS, a call from an ex-girlfriend, and a headline talking about a Jimmy standing at attention en perpetuity.

According to the story on the Associated Press wire, a New York man claimed he drank the vitamin-enriched Boost Plus, made by the Swiss-based Novartis pharmaceutical company, on June 5, 2004.

He woke up the next morning "with an erection that would not subside" and sought treatment of the condition, called severe priapism, court papers say.

Man, that is one stiff drink.

But I am confused by the story. What's the problem? Why sue?

A Jimmy constantly standing at attention? Sue? This company should be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. In fact, I'm going to buy a bottle of this Boost Plus.

Now.

Maybe several cases in fact. Can you buy stock in this company yet?

According to the Associated Press, Novartis' Boost Plus website describes the drink as "a great tasting, high calorie, nutritionally complete oral supplement for people who require extra energy and protein in a limited volume," in vanilla, chocolate and strawberry.

Erections come in flavors?

What a whiner, this man who sues over a lifelong happy Jimmy.

What's next?

A headline that says: "Man Sues Over Having Sex Daily."

So it took Billy Donovan a few days to figure out what the rest of us knew already: The Orlando Magic suck.

He's quick, that Billy the Kid.

I haven't seen anything go in reverse this quickly since my hairline.

If Donovan had run out of Orlando any faster he would gone back in time.

Somehow, if the head coaching job for the Cleveland Cavaliers opened up tomorrow and it was offered to Donovan, you would not hear all of these tall tales emerging from the Donovan apologists about family over money.

Instead, Donovan would be helping LeBron's wife deliver her baby.

Yeah, right, family matters. Aren't college coaches the same ones who spend half of their lives coaching, recruiting and traveling? Aren't these the same guys who spend hundreds of days AWAY from their families?

Sure, nothing says "I love you hon" like accumulating several hundred thousand frequent flyer miles.

This is all about one thing: The fear of failure.

Donovan knows that turning around the Magic is an impossible task and returning the Gators to another Final Four is not.

He was afraid to lose. That's it. End of story.

Also, is anyone else bothered by how these college basketball coaches, as slick as car salesmen, operate so arrogantly and with impunity while holding their players to the strictest of rules and morals?

Imaging the outrage from Donovan -- and the Gator Nation -- if a top recruit, the best, had committed to Florida and then backed out after publicly committing to the school and then holding a press conference to boot. Would the school have allowed that player to back out? Hell, no.

Gator fans would have then firebombed the recruit's house. And I'm only half-kidding about that.

What I want to see Donovan do -- if this whole situation indeed crumbles -- is apologize. Do not hide behind PR people. Do not hide behind some members of the Florida media (emphasis on some) who are homers and suck-ups and would throw themselves on a live grenade to stay in Donovan's good graces. Don't hide behind the PR types and let them spin and bob and weave. Don't let some of your fans intimidate and inundate with belligerent e-mails and postings because someone simply disagrees with them.

Do not allow Jeremy "The Bully" Foley to breath fire on your behalf. Don't blame it on your wife or the traffic or the Magic themselves.

Just stand there at a press conference and say: "My bad. I messed up. No excuses. I'm sorry."

That's it.

Then go back to Gainesville.

Win another title.

And don't ever try to leave again.