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Doyel's Dribbles
 
 
Doyel's Dribbles By Gregg Doyel
CBSSports.com National Columnist
Tell Gregg your opinion!
 
 

See the world through Gregg Doyel's eyes (you sick, twisted ...)

I can't imagine this would ever happen
Updated: Jan/31/2008 05:31 AM

 Jerry Jones wouldn't possibly trade Marion Barber, a No. 2 pick and a No. 1 pick just to move up and get Darren McFadden. Would he?

 Days before the Super Bowl kickoff, the city of Boston is already planning a victory parade.

 An incredible story in a Seattle newspaper makes clear just how bad a guy Jerramy Stevens was, and possibly still is. Stevens now plays for the Bucs. The Bucs reaction? That didn't happen under our watch. "Bucs" rhymes with "sucks" for a reason.

 Danny Ferry hasn't done jack to help out LeBron James, and now James is on the offensive: Get me Jason Kidd, he says.

 So what made the Twins gets off their rear end and finally trade Johan Santana? Johan Santana made them. Good for him. They were jerking him around, so now it was his turn.

 I'm not an Ohio State fan, but I sincerely hope this stud recruit chooses the Buckeyes over Michigan. Rich-Rod has turned my stomach. He doesn't deserve this kid.

 Meanwhile, stubborn mule Joe Paterno won't get the hint that the aforementioned stud recruit doesn't like Penn State.

 Reebok's new shoes will smell like Kool-Aid. I would have preferred Hawaiian Punch.

 The season of The Ultimate Fighter 7 will feature 32 fighters! Used to be 16, but these guys will be fighting just to get into the house. Should be a zoo.

 
 
Will he handle the truth?
Updated: Jan/30/2008 05:31 AM

 UConn coach Jim Calhoun is warring with his athletics director over the treatment of two of his players, who might or might not be druggies. It sounds like the AD is trying to find the truth. And it sounds like Calhoun doesn't want to know.

 How much does it cost to be a gigantic jerk? For Terrell Owens, it came to $2.49 million.

 Not only does Plaxico Burress say the Giants will beat New England. He gave the final score.

 After attacking Michael Vick, PETA is going to leave alone the player who castrated lambs with his teeth.

 A computer ran the Super Bowl 101 different times. New York won 12. So you're telling me there's a chance!

 If you're a nutso fan, there's hope for you, too. This guy did such a good job of being a Clippers fan that the Mavericks offered him a job. Mark Cuban is out there.

 Sonics ball hog Kevin Durant is starting to tick off his teammates.

 Not even George Brett wanted to hang out at George Brett's restaurant. No wonder it closed.

 The Texas football team has the lowest graduation rate in the Big 12, and for that coach Mack Brown was grilled by the faculty.

 Hulk Hogan won't admit to the world he's bald. In addition to that, his estranged wife says he has basically stolen millions of dollars.

 Here's the next guy to feel Houston Alexander's wrath. Assuming Alexander has learned something, anything, about the ground game.

 Nevada is going to start testing MMA fighters for steroids based in part on the fighter's physique. Good.

 
 
Hate to check the Bruin pride, but ...
Updated: Jan/29/2008 07:12 AM

 UCLA fans giddy about the return of Rick Neuheisel need to understand what kind of sleaze their new coach is: He once let this scumbag play an entire season at Washington. And how about that incompetent, intimidated Seattle police department?

 David Beckham is -- seriously -- being labeled as the biggest polluter on earth.

 To come back to this team in this role, Dave Campo must have no pride. Or no other decent job prospects.

 Sixers guard Louis Williams is going to have a radio show unlike any you've ever heard.

 Why do so many NFL teams want to hire Pete Carroll?

 Here's the latest guy who will turn down Alabama's Nick Saban.

 After pitching a fit and sounding sort of like a baby, Aggies basketball coach Mark Turgeon is trying to grow up.

 Interesting. The once exciting, and now disappointing, Andrei Arlovski could be finished soon in the UFC.

 Get your early look at some of the next cast of the Ultimate Fighter reality show.

 
 
Really? Tom needs a bodyguard? Really?
Updated: Jan/28/2008 06:57 AM

 Tom Brady has two Boston cops assigned to cover his back. The sports world has gone crazy.

 Although he lived in West Virginia for years, up to and including the moment he walked away from his contract, Rich Rodriguez is trying to get his $4 million lawsuit with WVU heard in Michigan. What a sleaze.

 Gregg Marshall lit it up at Winthrop, but so far he sucks at Wichita State.

 Something tells me the fawning over offensive coordinator Jason Garrett hasn't gone over well with the other Dallas Cowboys staffers. Otherwise, where did this story come from?

 The Mitchell Report practically named a 25-man roster of Yankees, but George Steinbrenner's idiot son says the dynasty is legit. Or was legit.

 UFC fraud Michael Bisping has a smaller body but continues to have the same big mouth.

 Did you know the UFC has a Hall of Fame? Apparently there are just four members. Soon to be five. And No. 5 is a strange choice.

 
 
Uh, what exactly is going over there?
Updated: Jan/25/2008 06:55 AM

 Read between the lines, or let me do it for you: The Dolphins are afraid of screwing up the No. 1 pick. Also in that link is an explanation of how the Dolphins are retooling their awful defense with failed college coaches. Excellent strategy.

 Oh brother. One of the Giants' defensive ends is calling out a Patriots offensive lineman as being a dirty player. This might come up during Super Bowl week.

 Cedrick Wilson's troubled ex-girlfriend told the Steelers receiver she tried to shoot herself but missed her head.

 I told you a few days ago Brett Favre would milk this thing. He's unbelievable. Make a decision, wishy-washy.

 Channing Crowder wrecked his car and fled. Bad idea. So was leaving the gun in the wreckage.

 Busted NBA druggie David Harrison fights for his right to smoke pot. The clichéd idiot.

 If Paul Lo Duca is guilty of using HGH and so forth, even his good friend David Wright of the Mets says throw the book at him.

 Give him credit: Rick Majerus refuses to back down from his stance on abortion, even if it gets him fired.

 And give Tim Floyd credit for falling on O.J. Mayo's sword.

 Oh Lord the New York Post is trying to figure out if Tom Brady uses hair plugs.

 D.J. Shockley's father has some explaining to do.

 Excellent commentary on UFC Fight Night 12.

 
 
I didn't call this one
Updated: Jan/24/2008 07:18 AM

 I always felt USC freshman basketball player O.J. Mayo might draw the interest of the NCAA, for whatever reason. But I didn't see this coming.

 As for the USC football team, those Trojans will do anything to get a stud recruit, including getting his brother as a transfer.

 If it was (almost) anybody but Rick Majerus, I might agree with this defense of his freedom of speech. But Majerus is a jerk, plain and simple, and whether it's for his commentary on abortion or something else, jerks need to be put in their place on occasion. Look at me, for example.

 This is no laughing matter, but I do wonder how -- in the macho world of an NFL locker room -- it will play that Steelers receiver Cedrick Wilson had to seek legal protection from his girlfriend.

 Will testy Alabama coach Nick Saban ever hire an offensive coordinator?

 A month after the Mitchell Report outed steroids and HGH users, a pitcher for the Rockies announced he has put on 15 pounds for next season. Not to worry. This dude was super skinny, and needed to add weight. If you're into fantasy sports, pick this guy early.

 The owner of the Clippers gave an ultimatum to coach Mike Dunleavy. One day later, Dunleavy gave as good as he got.

 Even his own head coach knows former No. 1 overall pick Andrea Bargnani is softer than a spider web.

 Jason McDonald fears that his opponent for UFC 82 -- a rematch with Joe Doerksen -- is a sign from the UFC that his career is in neutral. Bitching about it probably won't help much.

 Four of the five fighters from the TUF 5 show won their fights Wednesday night.

 
 
There may be something to this
Updated: Jan/23/2008 06:15 AM

 Ever so gently, an Indianapolis columnist is calling Tony Dungy a hypocrite. And he makes a great case. Why did this family man move his family to Tampa, only to return to the Colts?

 We already suspected Philip Rivers, playing on a torn ACL, was one tough SOB for playing in the AFC title game. Turns out we had no idea. He also was playing six days after an arthroscopic knee procedure.

 After being called dirty (among other things) by a San Diego offensive lineman, the Patriots' Richard Seymour lashed back.

 Both Super Bowl quarterbacks prefer blondes. I can't believe I read that in a big-city paper. I really I can't believe I linked to it.

 Terry Bradshaw is awfully gutsy until he's face-to-face with Tom Coughlin.

 Who's running New York Knicks, the Gestapo?

 I'm guessing this will come up during Super Bowl week: New England receiver Donte Stallworth has an alter-ego from Mars.

 In this attack piece on Tom Brady, it seems as if the New York Post has completely lost its mind.

 Over-the-hill Tito Ortiz says the UFC threw him a weak fight by pitting him against Lyoto Machida. Ortiz should ask Rich Franklin about Machida. Or ask Stephan Bonner. Or Sokoudjou. Or ...

 Nate Diaz has had enough of Manny Gamburyan's whining. Preach it, brother.

 
 
He's getting way too into the ambience
Updated: Jan/22/2008 06:48 AM

 A former UCLA basketball player is playing professionally in Japan and even changed his last name to Sakuragi. Dude. Please.

 Brett Favre says he'll decide quickly whether to retire. I'm calling bullcrap. He'll milk this thing for all it's worth, because that's what he does. He's either a drama king, or he's Macbeth.

 I'm not saying a word about LaDainian Tomlinson's inability to play with an injury -- seriously -- but it turns out Philip Rivers is one tough SOB.

 He's also one chaste SOB.

 And it turns out angelic Dwight Howard isn't as chaste as he said he was.

 St. Louis' Scott Spiezio has lost that red goatee and added rock-n-roll to his repertoire.

 June Jones left Hawaii for SMU, and took a stud recruit with him. Classless.

 Speaking of runaway recruits, this fickle fast dude better be worth all this trouble.

 Japanese sensation Bob Sapp will make his American MMA debut in February.

 Here's the enormous stiff Sapp will fight. And I do mean enormous.

 
 
Come on, you should be embarrassed
Updated: Jan/18/2008 06:39 AM

 The Cardinals are thinking of inviting suspected steroid user Juan Gonzalez to spring training. McGwire, Canseco, Rick Ankiel, Troy Glaus, now Gonzalez ... Tony La Russa has no shame.

 Happy to say I believed Randy Moss from the get-go when he denied hitting that woman in Florida. I believe him even more after reading how much money she wanted to extort from Moss to keep the whole thing quiet.

 If Dungy goes, the Colts' next coach apparently will be the guy who "coached" Peyton Manning. You could have coached Peyton Manning.

 Nice raffle by Chad Johnson. He offered a car, then gave it to his girlfriend. Self-centered move by a self-centered guy.

 To explain Andrew Bynum's injury to the dumb media, the Lakers' trainer brought a skeleton to the press conference. You think it was Mark Landsberger's skeleton? Whatever happened to that guy anyway?

 Former Notre Dame receiver Jeff Samardzija has a shot at making the Chicago team. The Chicago Cubs, that is.

 The Braves and local government officials kept quiet their plans to move the Triple A team near Atlanta and build a $45 million stadium. Isn't that illegal?

 Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez is now being mocked by TV car ads in West Virginia.

 Frustrated by the slow career arc of MMA oddity Kimbo Slice? Bas Rutten explains what's going on.

 Speaking of Kimbo, he and opponent Tank Abbott had one hell of a phone call. The media was listening.

 UFC welterweight champion Matt Serra called interim champ Georges St. Pierre "Frenchy" in an interview, and GSP is all kinds of pissed off.

 
 
Anything a lawyer says must be true, right?
Updated: Jan/17/2008 06:48 AM

 Through his attorney, new Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez denies (of course) having anything to do with the theft of personnel documents at West Virginia.

 In a bizarre move that might be classy but is definitely homer-ish, a Detroit paper has reprinted an old article for the sole purpose of reminding people in Michigan that West Virginians are kooks.

 West Virginia the school, meanwhile, is serious about getting to the bottom of this sordid story.

 Norm Chow has been trying to become a head coach in college or the NFL. Then he gets fired by the Titans? Wow. Weirder still, he's wondering if Vince Young had anything to do with it.

 Louisville basketball fans don't know what to make of these kissing (male) teammates. Nor do I.

 Big Ben Roethlisberger has some things he'd like the Steelers to get for him for next season, including a tall receiver. If I'm Hines Ward or Santonio Holmes or Nate Washington -- all in the 6-foot (or less) range -- I'm mad. And I'm short.

 The Rooney Rule is a good thing overall -- obviously -- but in the micro-sense it could be screwing the Dallas Cowboys out of Jason Garrett.

 The idiot Astros traded for Miguel Tejada one day before the Mitchell report blew him up, and now of course the Astros are demanding he be treated fairly. What about all those opposing pitchers Tejada never treated fairly?

 A routine drug test might have saved Nene's life. A tumor in the testicle region is no joke.

 I'm a big fan of UFC president Dana White. Make no mistake about that. But do TV networks consider him radioactive?

 TUF 6 winner Mac Danzig will make his full-scale UFC debut against a Canadian in Canada. That's no way to treat a TV star.

 
 
I'm putting this up front
Updated: Jan/16/2008 06:50 AM

 This is just crazy, which is why MMA news is leading off Dribbles instead of taking its usual spot at the end: The UFC is suing its heavyweight champion for defamation.

 NBC is testing its American Gladiators for steroid usage. I say: why?

 You've probably heard about that idiot Pacman Jones getting accused of assaulting his lawyer at a strip club (!). Now then, for the rest of the story. Please look at a picture of the lawyer, a woman, he took to the strip club in the first place.

 Julius Peppers picked one heck of a bad time to have an awful season. Forget Freeney money, Julius. Think Justin Smith.

 I hope Jim Fassel gets this job. I'm sick of seeing him in the press box. He sort of weirds me out.

 Warren Sapp is retiring after a great and fascinating career, but the general reaction seems to be: Don't let the doorknob hit you on the way out.

 It looks like Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were sold out by Simpson's freaky father.

 It would be in the Miami Heat's best interest to give minutes to younger players and get a nice spot in the 2008 NBA draft lottery. But Pat Riley's ego won't allow it. He doesn't want those L's on his career record. Maybe he can pin them to Van Gundy.

 Atlanta doesn't care a great deal about its major league baseball team until October. How is that city going to support the Braves' Triple A club as well?

 As if Purdue's utterly bizarre search for its next football coach -- while Joe Tiller remains the current coach -- wasn't weird enough, now the Black Coaches Association is pissed.

 Bobby Petrino found his first sucker to sign with Arkansas. I wonder who'll actually be coaching this kid in a few years? Because it won't be that skank Petrino.

 
 
They aren't afraid to become the news
Updated: Jan/15/2008 06:54 AM

 The New York Post has done some bizarre things over the years, so when someone compiles a list make sure to mention the time the paper hired a Jessica Simpson look-alike for the Giants-Cowboys 2008 playoff game. The link has pictures, too.

 The Cowboys' loudmouth receiver got called out big time in this story. But it's not Terrell Owens.

 The mysterious affliction of the Nuggets' Nene has spawned rampant speculation in two countries.

 After popping pills for 20 years, Chris Kaman is having a monster season after a doctor realized he shouldn't be medicated for AD/HD.

 With a massive rise in payroll, the Devils Rays won't be miserly in 2008. They'll be merely cheap.

 If Xavier Lee can't play quarterback for a bad Florida State team, why does he think he can play quarterback in the NFL. Denial is an ugly thing.

 Boxing promoter Don King is trying to steal your money.

 The UFC got rid of several fighters from its most recent reality show.

 Top MMA photo of the year? This one, apparently. I see why.

 
 
Noah seems to be losing his ark
Updated: Jan/14/2008 07:05 AM

 Looks to me like the Chicago Bulls might not like Joakim Noah. Management suspended him one game for arguing with an assistant coach, but teammates voted to suspend him for a second game. Must have been one hell of an argument.

 Akron police pulled over a speeder going 101 mph in a white 2008 Mercedes with the vanity plates "KNG OF AK." You think it was LeBron James? Good guess.

 Here's a good story on one of college basketball's great coaches. Why this guy is working without a contract extension is beyond me.

 Michigan basketball is so bad, they're dressing out the guy who washes the jocks.

 Could be worse. Your favorite team this weekend could have been Michigan State.

 If I'm Reds general manager Wayne Krivsky, I won't be the GM for long.

 The media was barred from Roger Clemens' latest Texas lovefest, but the New York Post weaseled its way inside. Well done.

 The UFC continues to hit the mainstream. It doesn't get more mainstream than Budweiser.

 Great interview with UFC lightweight Joe "Daddy" Stevenson, who dishes on Penn, Guillard and Sherk.

 
 
Rich Rodriguez: Meet the real world
Updated: Jan/11/2008 07:01 AM

 Typical Rich Rodriguez: He cuts and runs on West Virginia before a BCS bowl game, and now will try to avoid his $4 million buyout. Maybe he thinks contracts are written in Crayon on construction paper.

 'Tis the time of year for ridiculous speculation on the Dallas coach.

 And for maybe not so ridiculous speculation on Tony Dungy's potential departure.

 Purdue's bizarre search for Joe Tiller's replacement, even as Tiller remains the coach, has headed in a completely bizarre direction.

 The Browns can't be this dumb, can they? Derek Anderson can't hold Tony Romo's jock. (That's Jessica Simpson's job.)

 Sports has passed completely through the looking glass when major newspapers are reporting on the potential retirement of TV's Terry Bradshaw ... in three years. This is news? Hell, even I'm dribbling on it. I suck.

 Remember Matt Mantei? He's so irrelevant, my spell-checker doesn't. Anyway, he's trying to make a comeback. Congratulations, Detroit fans. He's yours!

 If Shaun Livingston ever plays again it'll be a medical miracle. His knee was twisted sideways. I get nauseous thinking about it.

 Thirty people have applied to replace June Jones at Hawaii, including me.

 The UFC's first big-time foray into Canada in April is shaping up as a monster event.

 Melvin Guillard, still stupid.

 Kendall Grove, no longer stoned.

 
 
Oh, sorry ... were we disturbing your action?
Updated: Jan/10/2008 06:40 AM

 If you're going to use your fame to tramp around from one famous hottie to the next, Tony Romo, expect the media coverage that comes with it. You hypocritical skank.

 How long before Michael Jordan replaces Sam Vincent as coach of the Bobcats? I give it three weeks.

 Jeff Kent says every player should have his head er his semen OK fine his blood frozen so it can be checked whenever an HGH test is developed.

 Since the Eagles won't get him playmakers on their own, Donovan McNabb ain't too proud to beg. Or blog.

 If Bill Cowher says no to Mr. Moneybags, you can book it: He's waiting on the Carolina Panthers' job to open.

 Not too many years ago I watched Kyle Shanahan try to play receiver for Duke. He couldn't. Not good enough. He's about to become an NFL offensive coordinator?

 Roger Clemens can hate on Brian McNamee all he wants but David Segui has his former trainer's back.

 Speaking of Clemens, get a load of this airhead doctor. He says Clemens must be innocent -- because otherwise Clemens "would have shared that with me." The wanton arrogance of doctors will never cease to amaze me.

 If Ray Rice isn't picked on the first day of the NFL draft, there are 30 stupid NFL teams. Or is it 32? Whatever.

 Florida State is about to lose a stud football recruit who refers to the FSU assistant in charge of his pursuit as "the guy who was recruiting me." Shiver.

 For a Johnny-come-lately like me, I'm thrilled veteran Jeremy Horn is coming back to the UFC. Up to now I've only seen him on tape.

 MMA fighter Ken Shamrock says fake wrestler Kurt Angle is scared to fight. Angle rips right back.

 
 
Gee, don't force anyone's hands
Updated: Jan/09/2008 07:54 AM

 The president of Ohio State is on record as saying the NCAA will only be able to "wrench a playoff system from my cold, dead hands." Does that mean the president of Georgia plans to kill him?

 Sounds like the Hawaii AD really screwed up the football program.

 Good Lord. Remember that 1970s cartoon Speed Racer? It's gonna be a movie. Flop cough-cough flop!

 T-Wolves boss Kevin McHale says he "couldn't be happier" with 4-29 coach Randy Wittman. Imagine if Wittman were 6-27. He'd get a 10-year extension.

 Brian McNamee's lawyer has this to say about Roger Clemens: "This is war."

 How are the Cardinals, or the MLB arbitration official in charge of this case, supposed to make sense of Rick Ankiel? He's arbitration-eligible primarily because of his service time as a pitcher. But now he's a hitter. And a good one, though one linked to HGH. Strange arbitration case.

 After running Oakland and Nebraska aground, Bill Callahan is about to return to his rightful level.

 The NFL has a new Petrino: This tramp took a coaching job with Ole Miss but weeks later is going to the Dolphins.

 The Rams fired an assistant coach, and the assistant fired back.

 Unless he's throwing out a smoke signal, UFC rookie Brock Lesnar is talking like someone who has no idea how badly he's going to lose to Frank Mir.

 Worst UFC fight ever? This one at UFC 82. I'll be there. Lucky me.

 
 
Father vs. son -- a true civil war
Updated: Jan/08/2008 06:51 AM

 Please let this happen. Please let the Baltimore Ravens' coaching vacancy come down to Marty Schottenheimer vs. his son, Brian Schottenheimer.

 A small paper in Connecticut claims to have the scoop on the Dolphins' next football coach. A big paper in Texas has a rather good source who says the small paper is wrong. We shall see.

 The stupid Jaguars are flicking New England's nose.

 Who was the one guy not to vote for Tom Brady as NFL MVP? This is the guy.

 Scottie Pippen called a sports writer to say the sports writer had misquoted him. So what did the sports writer do? He wrote about the phone call. I love this sort of stuff.

 All the youngsters on the Wizards are acting crazy before games, and Gilbert Arenas isn't happy about it. Right. Gilbert Arenas.

 An ex-FBI agent says it sure looked like Roger Clemens was lying. That was on 60 Minutes. That's a CBS show, you know.

 The lawyer of Clemens accuser Brian McNamee went one step farther and said Clemens is a bald-faced liar. On CBS.

 Anderson Silva looks like the most devastating fighter in MMA, but his next opponent, Dan Henderson, thinks he will win. And explains exactly how it will happen.

 Even if nobody else does, Randy Couture still thinks he'll fight Fedor in 2008. One can only hope.

 
 
Wow, here's a real stretch
Updated: Jan/07/2008 07:56 AM

 This can't be true, can it? Newspapers are reporting that Purdue already has selected the successor to longtime football coach Joe Tiller. But the successor coaches at another Big Ten school. That's crazy.

 John Rocker was dumb enough to give an interview to his hometown paper.

 Jose Canseco is so full of crap, not even this guy will write a book with him. Say, Jose. Gimme a call.

 The freak show that is the USC basketball team is 0-2 in the Pac-10. That's a shame.

 Jason Kidd has nine triple-doubles in 33 games. Damn he's getting better with age.

 Looks like J.R. Rider pulled a gun on a cabbie. Same old Isaiah.

 Steroid-using Phil Baroni says he's too good for the WEC. Hmph, says me.

 Lyoto Machida has beaten tons of great fighters. But he can't beat Tito Ortiz, can he?

 
 
Let's back away from the propaganda machine
Updated: Jan/04/2008 05:39 AM

 South Florida was touting its star linebacker as a great husband and father, too. Oh well. At least he's still a decent linebacker. But the wife says he cheated in school for years.

 Steelers coach Mike Tomlin is a genius or a knucklehead. We'll know which soon enough, after he's had televisions all over the Steelers' locker room play an endless loop of the team's loss to playoff foe Jacksonville from Dec. 16. Could be a psyche-up for Pittsburgh ... or a psyche-out.

 The Giants expect Turncoat Tiki to help his brother with the Bucs. "That's so Tiki Barber-ish," said Plaxico Burress. Great quote.

 He might be a homicidal criminal, and he's definitely a moron: Jim Leyritz blew $10 million on partying.

 The Baltimore Sun takes a huge swing at a scoop by saying the Ravens want Bill Cowher. Then again, the same story references a team official who says the Bill Cowher scenario isn't true. So either way, the paper is covered. Yeesh. Why not just run a crossword puzzle instead?

 Jim Caldwell is a wonderful human being, but before the Falcons hire him, they might want to ask why he was so lousy at Wake Forest.

 Question for you, Jevon Kearse: Why do you need three different million-dollar homes? Including two in South Florida? You're not a freak. You're an idiot.

 I bet this weird dude coaching at Georgia Tech wins huge. Maybe not right away, but someday.

 How miserable a man is Nick Saban? He's losing an assistant coach ... to Duke.

 That UFC 79 spat between Rich Clementi and Melvin Guillard? That was no act.

 Great question after Chuck Liddell finally fought, and beat, Wanderlei Silva: What's next for these guys?

 
 
They don't serve your kind here
Updated: Jan/03/2008 05:33 AM

 Let this be a lesson to future Hawaiis: You don't belong in the BCS.

 The Bucs are smarter than we thought. New Yorkers can't buy playoff tickets for this week's game. Well done.

 Here's our winner for trashiest fan in the NFL.

 Jim Leyritz allegedly killed a woman with his car. Apparently it was a matter of time.

 As if there was any doubt, let's make it official: Don Nelson has lost his mind. He says Stephen Jackson deserves to be mentioned in the same breath with Kevin Garnett, Kobe Bryant and Tim Duncan.

 Rick Neuheisel is already trying to weaken rival USC by taking one of the Trojans' coaches. And check out Pete Carroll's slap at Neuheisel's ethics. Pot, meet kettle.

 The Wisconsin football coach owes an apology to the WAC.

 This is one heck of a well done rip job on Fedor for ducking the competition in the UFC.

 
 
Now that's just not realistic
Updated: Jan/02/2008 10:32 AM

 Scottie Pippen wants to coach the Bulls. And I want to beat up Rampage Jackson. Not gonna happen.

 Rick Neuheisel must be a total moron. He says he wants to hire Norm Chow as offensive coordinator. The same Norm Chow who interviewed for the head coaching job that Neuheisel landed. Chow's not coming. Good grief, Rick. Why not hire Scottie Pippen?

 A huge defensive lineman for the Dolphins almost caused a terrible scene on an airplane. Think about how badly this could have turned out. If I'm federal aviation authorities, I'm prosecuting this idiot.

 So it looks like Tuna might keep Cam Cameron. Let me tell you why he'd do such a thing: Because in 2008, when the Dolphins are off to a 1-4 start, he can fire Cameron and with a straight face tell the world that no one else is available to coach the team except for ... Bill Parcells.

 How important is WVU football in the state of West Virginia? The friggin' governor is leading the search. Go get Grobe, Gov.

 Michael Beasley went to Xavier and got exposed. Nice motor, Mike. Good grief.

 I'm impressed that Bobby Bowden ripped the officials from the Music City Bowl. I'm impressed Bowden even noticed they sucked.

 Illinois lost to Tennessee Tech. Or Tennessee State. One of those lousy schools. Bruce Weber was great when he had Bill Self's players, though.

 Here are the salaries from UFC 79. Interestingly, Chuck Liddell and Wanderlei Silva were given appearance fees only -- no "win" bonus for either fighter. Liddell made a ton, by the way.

 Fedor beat that 7-foot-2 fighting freak in Japan. Next foe for Fedor: Scottie Pippen!

 
 
 
 
 
 
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