My loyal readers, all three of you, I apologize for my lack of correspondence. I've been immersed in Olympics coverage with little time to even chew my own food or watch the latest Edward James Olmos romp. However, Round 2 of the 'Battle of the Lesser-Halves' continues this week. The genetic mishaps that failed to make the cut are:

Donnie Wahlberg
Ben savage
Chris Masterson
JoeyTravolta
Casey Affleck
Robert Carradine
The Lawrences
The Wayans

Safe to say, I was surprised the Wayans didn't get much love. In Living Color is still just as funny as it was in 1994 and I thought the whole 'Luke Wilson is the most overrated comedic actor argument' was golden. Regardless, here is the Everyday 8 that made the cut. This round takes gives the runts a break and looks at the brother dad loves to boast about. So just like their careers, the success of the 'lesser-halves' is once again dependent on their more respected brother. I trim the fat on the list and then you, the loyal subject (ahem, reader) of Kay's Korner makes the final say (and gets a free hot plate).

I appreciate all the participation up to this point and look forward to seeing who becomes the best "Oh, he's really HIS brother!?"

Wild Things in the Animal House

Like Tom Sizemore collecting amphetamines or Isaiah Thomas disgruntled hoopsters, John Belushi just seemed to be able to harness the magic of laughter. Physical comedy was often the name of his game, but Belushi could sing, dance and chug cosmos with the best off-Broadway had to offer.

But most importantly, he has that James Dean/Marilyn Monroe/Len Bias/JonBenet Ramsey thing going for him. Without a full life to gauge, we have the luxury of remembering John in a "COLLEGE" sweatshirt or behind the counter of a greasy Greek diner. We don't get to see him wither and age like Abe Vigoda or the cast from Three Men and a Baby .

Meanwhile, Matt Dillon was to the 1980s what raw cookie dough was to the early 1990s. Everyone seemed to love him, no matter the side effects. Before Judd Nelson made 'troubled youth' synonymous with breakfast, Dillon was a vet at sticking it to the man and giving nice girls the perfect opportunity to speed off to the sunset in their 1986 white VW Rabbit.

But for the height Dillon reached in the 1980s, it seemed he just couldn’t find the right niche in the 1990s. Sure, he surfaced once a while to provide memorable characters, most notably the good-guy Gus in Mr. Wonderful, the fulfiller of every high school teacher's dream in Wild Things and the capped-tooth private eye in There's Something about Mary . But for all the expectation he amassed in the 1980s, Dillon failed to become a household name like Michael J. Fox, Jack Bauer, or that guy from the Jamie Kennedy Experiment.

Winner: It wasn't over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor and according to me, it's not over for James Belushi. K-Dill is left Cuthbert-less in his bomb shelter for the next round.

The Chase for the Vampire in Brooklyn

Once again we have a former SNLer against a star from the 1980s. John Belushi may have been the best physical comedian in the late 1970s, but Eddie Murphy was the king of laughter (quick, try to replicate his laugh). The heir to greats Dick Pryor and Redd Foxx, Murphy seemed to be an inexhaustible laugh factory in the 1980s. His two standups: Raw, and particularly, Delirious, will forever put him among comedy's aristocrats. And along with his 1980s four-banger of 48 Hours, Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, and Coming to America, Murphy is sure to be enshrined in comedic lore for generations to come. Seriously, try to pick four movies from a comedic actor (aside from Chris Elliot) that stand up to those.

But, like Bob Saget with a kilo of coffee beans and a renewed XBOX Live subscription, Murphy's talents went to waste in the 1990s. I take that back, 'to waste' is an understatement. Murphy effectively sold out his oft-dirty, race-infused comic wit for wholesome, anti-septic family fun like The Adventures of Pluto Nash and a slew of movies that wouldn't even run at 3 a.m. on the WB. Mr. Robinson became Dr. John Doolittle. Axel Foley became Daddy Day Care founder Charlie Hinton. And Prince Akeem became Maximillian, the vampire roaming the streets of where else? Brooklyn. There's a whole slew of movies Murphy's been in that will have you shrugging your shoulders and uttering the line "oh yeah, he was in that."

Poll The best kin of Hollywood greatness is:   29%  Frank Stallone: I'm far from over     19%  James Belushi: It's my Mr. Destiny     52%  Charlie Murphy: Darkness brothers 4eva     Total Votes: 21

Meanwhile, if it weren't for Robert Downey Jr., Charlie Sheen would likely be deemed 'most troubled Hollywood heir.' With little Mort making tabloid headlines seemingly every week, Sheen was able to walk away relatively clean from drug overdoses, Wilt Chamberlain-esque sexual escapades and a string of horrible movies in the mid-90s. In wasn't always so. He was a brat pack member who became Oliver Stone's pet in two of the 1980's best flicks, Platoon and Wall Street. But, like Murphy, Sheen seemed to squander his talent. Movies like The Chase, Terminal Velocity and The Three Musketeers were serious road bumps on what seemed an extremely promising career. And of course, this is the man dumb enough to cheat on Denise Richards. But, like Murphy, Sheen has some mighty fun and memorable characters under his belt. Because of Sheen, everyone and their mothers knows about the rich pitching tradition of the California Penal League. The Sheen/Berenger connection worked wonders three years earlier in Platoon as the two discussed philosophy while taking leisurely strolls through the marshes of Vietnam. It's sort of like Garden State, but with better Pho Ga takeout. And of course, he was the final recipient of the Airplane and Naked Gun torch with his character Topper Harley in the two Hot Shots! movies.

Winner: No misunderstanding here. If Charlie Sheen is McDonald's and Eddie Murphy is McDowell's, I'm going with the buns with no sesame seeds and the storytelling of Charlie Murphy.

Judge Dredd Man Walking

Good things

Oscar wins: Penn
Went to my mom’s high school: Stallone
Starred in a late 1970’s porn: Stallone
Was key figure in greatest training montage: Stallone
Best advice: Penn (People on 'ludes should not drive -- Jeff Spicoli)
Parents ran Jewish deli: Penn
Training montage God: Stallone
Made Michael J. Fox’s life Hell: Penn
Had relations with Bruce Springsteen’s sister: Penn

Bad things

Trilogy? Why stop there: Stallone
Sean Hannity’s bitch: Penn
A product of the U: Stallone
The Razzie Award for ‘Worst actor of the 1980s’: Stallone
Stop! Or my agent will shoot me: Stallone
Plays retards all too well: Penn
Married Bridgette Nielson (look who else is in this picture): Stallone
Tried to screw Carlito Brigante: Penn
Accelerated decline in looks of Buttercup/Jenny: Penn

OK, so I admit, I'm getting lazy. It’s basically a dead-even battle. Oh, but how did I forget?

Winner: "Stallone party of two, you're table next to the wardrobes of From Justin to Kelly, Last Action Hero and Benny and Joon is ready. Is this your first time at Planet Hollywood or have you dined with us before?"

The Hunt for Red Zoolander

One taught us the ABCs. The other taught us about the JC. We're getting off the beaten path here -- sort of -- as we compare two short, but sweet roles of Alec Baldwin and Owen Wilson.

Aside from Steven Segal in Executive Decision, nobody has made more of an impact in lesser screen time then Alec Baldwin did in Glengarry Glen Ross. He taught us to "Always Be Closing" and that coffee isn't just for anybody -- it's for closers (Now if only Ben Affleck hadn't stolen his bit in Boiler Room).

Poll Without big bro, we'd be working the fryer at Long John Silvers   18%  Wilsons: Owe it all to Owen     46%  How the Hell did the Wayans not advance     36%  Baldwins: Earth wind fire Alec's chest hair!     Total Votes: 11

Meanwhile, there are certain things in this world that will always be cool: One strike matches, the sleeper hold, upper-deckers, day games and Harleys. But there's nothing that can make a man feel more like Melisa Etheridge than when his girlfriend's ex carves an altar from a single block of wood. Unless of course, this same guy refers to Jesus Christ as J.C.

Winner: First place gets a Cadillac El Dorado. Second place gets steak knives. Third place. Well, third place gets stuck watching Shangai Knights. Oh yeah, and they're fired.

Thanks for playing along and any future bloggin' suggestions are always appreciated.

Bet you can't remember your New Year's resolutions? Was it to stop eating chicken fries? Maybe it was to stop gambling on prop bets. Or were you planning on giving up the Mad Dog? Whatever it was, forget about it. And thank your local Chinese food delivery person. Because the masters of Orange Chicken offer a chance for new resolutions with their turn of the calendar two weeks ago -- the year of the Dog. People born under this Zodiac sign are supposedly loyal and honest, yet stubborn and selfish. Sort of like Bob Saget when the white stuff runs dry [Speaking of Danny Tanner, have you seen his bit in the Aristocrats? Filthy goodness delivered with the utmost sincerity]. So with the New Year just beginning, I propose some resolutions for us all to enjoy:

Less singing in Family Guy: We all know Seth McFarlane got a sweetheart deal when Fox came groveling back last year, but nearly one song an episode is getting a bit much. They're rarely funny, too long and seem to serve only one purpose -- to flaunt McFarlane's deep, dark homosexual side. Buddy, you got American Dad and the not-as-funny-as-expected Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story greenlighted, don't abuse your newfound power. I'm only tough on ya because I care.

More singing in The Simpsons: Can anyone remember the last time the Simpsons broke into song and dance? With such a rich plethora of characters and different voices (diversify your secondary characters Seth, they ALL sound like you), the Simpsons are the gold standard for animated music. I mean, everyone knows the Monorail Song, See my Vest, Table Five and Homer's food critic song, can you name one memorable Family Guy song aside from Wish upon a Jew, which isn't even that funny [Buddy, don't you remember that in the episode we found out that Optimus Prime is a Jew!]? OK, so he has one song.

Less timeouts in basketball: If there's one thing that completely turns me off from professional basketball, it’s the destruction of the full-court game with under a minute to go. I'm all about suspense, but having a timeout to draw up every play is absolutely ridiculous. Coaches: Trust your star players. That's why you make them practice. If you want complete control of the game, put on the shorts [ Or buy a team like Mark Cuban]. In the meantime, let's revert this game's direction from the scripted TV it's become, to reality programming.

More creative ways to end NBA games: Let's learn from hockey's innovation. Nothing is more exciting than one-on-one competition to decide a game. So why not come up with some other interesting ways to end NBA contests. How about a game of knockout with three players from each team? A half-court shot contest? A 25-point basket? [OK Dan Cortese, let Rock 'n' Jock rest peacefully.]. A H-O-R-S-E competition from anywhere on the court? The NBA always talks about their star system, so why not let the stars battle it out in an individual competition? There's always the bare-handed, brick-breaking competition ...

Less Chuck Norris love: OK, I'll be the first to admit, I've fueled this Chuck Norris fire as much as anybody. But the trajectory on Chuck Norris humor is nearing its peak or do I dare say, beginning its downward descent. Walker's been off the air for years now, he hasn't been in a movie of note in a decade and he's actually putting together a pretty kick-ass league of misfits that takes on punks from other countries. And lastly, my ears perk up when I hear Chuck's voice talk about the merits of a TotalGym, but my eyes stay focused as Christie Brinkley works on the machine. In fact, the other day, I even saw my first TotalGym commercial without Chuck on board. Has he already been pushed out? Was there a coup d'etat at TG headquarters? Regardless, let's put this pony of a joke out to stud and shift dojos to another 80's legend. And speaking of that ...

Poll Is the Chuck Norris fad coming to an end?   29%  Yes: It's over he knows about the facts     59%  Chuck Norris is immune to any poll results     12%  No: Chuck Norris doesn't recognize fads only trends     Total Votes: 17

More William Zabka love: In the 1980's, only Jack Morris, Lawrence Taylor and Jean-Claude Van Damme struck more fear into opposition's minds than William Zabka. His trifecta of 1980's bullies include Johnny Lawrence in Karate Kid, Chas in Back to School and my personal favorite, Greg Tolan in Just One of the Guys. Whether it was chasing Danny LaRusso on a dirt bike, making Jason Melon clean his Speedo or complimenting Rick Morehouse's tuxedo, Zabka created a lasting image of the quintessential bully that will undoubtedly surface when my kids start asking me for 'extra' lunch money.

Less Big Momma's House 2: Seriously, what questions were left unresolved at the conclusion of the Big Momma's House? Or was this a crime only mama could solve? You're telling me the boys and girls on CSI, at CTU and in the Mystery Machine couldn't have solved whatever crime is at the heart of BMH2? Somehow this movie topped the box office its opening week and finished second last week. There has to be something, anything, better to do with your time than go see Martin Lawrence's latest turd. Learn oragami, hang out with old people, test-lay coffins, eat poisonous blowfish. Anyhing! In a future blog, I'll be breaking down the top 'money whores' of all time and this bad boy is my ticket to glory. Suggestions welcome.

More Shelton's Mama: I was wondering when the WWE was going to get back into playing the race card. I took some years off [It was about all of the new millennium, pal], but it's good to see that the WWE doesn't still doesn't respect the on going civil struggles of the black community. Sure, this isn't jaw dropping to the standards of Virgil and the Million Dollar Man (The work of Wayne Brady aside, I thought Virgil's defeat of Ted Dibiase in the Million Dollar Championship was one of the Civil Rights movement's most progressive steps). However, there's something dirty about having a 6-2, 245-pound former tag-team champ getting bossed around by his obese mamma. Speaking of that, where is my Campbell's chunky soup?

Round two of the "Battle of the Brothers" will continue after these messages, or next week.

This past week Hollywood lost a member of one of its most revered fraternities -- coattail riding brothers.

Chris Penn, brother of Jeff Spicoli, hit the bucket at the age of 40, casting a dark shadow on all the no-talent hacks getting free lunches courtesy of their genetic better. Chris, five years

Sean’s junior never saw his name atop the marquee, never tasted Hollywood’s finest arm candy and was never respected well-enough to have his political two cents dissected on FoxNews.

But Chris, and everyone in Hollywood devoid of fatherly love, is the backbone of the Hollywood system. Without the Chris’s leaching off their brothers, we wouldn’t have some of our best character actors. We wouldn’t have people for young agents to practice their skills on. We wouldn’t have the wonderful assortment of made-for-TV movies we’re accustomed too and we wouldn’t have a full guest list at the Playboy Mansion. Those are all things I’m not willing to say goodbye too. I mean did we lose a war or something?

But Chris’s passing has me thinking. With so many no-talent hacks getting laid and paid because of their bros, how does Nice Guy Eddie Cabot stack up to some of his contemporaries?

I’ve dug up some of the more recognizable genetic tandems in recent Hollywood history to create the ultimate battlefield of brotherly love.

Apparently those wacky Nantucket pilots Brian and Joe Hackett aren’t brothers in real life. What’s next Larry and Balki aren’t really cousins?

The tournament is divided into two rounds. Solo battles and clan battles. And all contestants were aked to fill out comment cards to help provide you with vital information.

Winners will be determined by you the voters (scroll down to the message board to vote and make your case) and round 2 will take place next week:

One-on-one tournament:

Think my calves would look good in Calvins:

Kevin Dillon
I know I've seen you in: Entourage
No kidding, you were in: The Rescue
Bro helped me get the role in: Platoon
I killed my agent after: Viking Quest ["I've been working steady for the past twelve years, minus the last three."]
Kay's take: After looking like there was no escape from anonymity, K-Dill is back, stealing all the jokes in Entourage.

 

VS

 

Donnie Wahlberg
I know I’ve seen you in: New Kids on the Block
No kidding, you were in: The Sixth Sense [You mean to tell me the kid can’t really see dead people?]
Bro helped me get the role in: Band of Brothers
I killed my agent after: He wasn’t invited into the Funky Bunch
Kay's take: With Mark's career sputtering in the new millennium, the door is open for Donnie dark horse.

Dad doesn't love us nearly as much:

Chris Penn
I know I've seen you in: Reservoir Dogs
No kidding, you were in: Best of the Best [Best actor I ever worked with -- Phillip Rhee -- hands down]
Bro helped me get the role in: Footloose
I killed my agent after: Corky Romano
Kay's take: His death in the beginning of Best of the Best II remains one of my harder-to-shake childhood memories.

 

VS

 

Casey Affleck
I know I've seen you in: Ocean's 11
No kidding, you were in: Race the Sun
Bro helped me get the role in: Good Will Hunting [They never asked me if I like apples. Apples are yummy.]
I killed my agent after: Ocean’s 12
Kay's take: Gaining in the 'better Affleck' race simply by staying quiet. 

Both our brothers are dead -- Fred's not, you say:

Ben Savage
I know I've seen you in: Boy Meets World
No kidding, you were in: Party of Five
Bro helped me get the role in: Little Monsters [Howie Mandell still puts Saran wrap on my toilet seat.]
I killed my agent after: Fred got the role in the Princess Bride
Kay's take: Unlike big bro, the curse of Howie Mandell is strong on this one.

 

VS

 

Jim Belushi
I know I've seen you in: Mr. Destiny
No kidding, you were in: Taking Care of Business
Bro helped me get the role in: Trading Places [They tried to put me in a gorilla suit but I said good-day to that my friend. Jimmy’s all ape my friend. Ditch the suit.].
I killed my agent after: A Bears loss in the mid-90’s
Kay's take: Can't even win the best 'cop/dog movie' award, losing to Turner and Hooch.

Our bros did lots of drugs:

Charlie Murphy
I know I've seen you in: Chapelle’s Show
No kidding, you were in: CB4
Bro helped me get the role in: Mo Better Blues
I killed my agent after: Rick James introduced his palm to my face [Before I killed him, I served him pancakes.].
Kay's take: Quoted almost as much as Frank the Tank and Napolean Dynamite combined.

 

VS

 

Robert Carradine
I know I’ve seen you in: Revenge of the Nerds [Ted McGinley's really a nice guy once you get to know him]
No kidding, you were in: The Lizzy McGuire Movie
Bro helped get the role in: Cannonball!
I killed my agent after: Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love
Kay's take: "We got Poindexter on the violin, and Lewis and Gilbert will be joining. We got Booger Presley on the mean guitar and a rap by little ol' me Lamar. We got Takashi beating on his gong, the boys and the MU's are clapping along."

 

Battle for all the calzones:

Frank Stallone
I know I've seen you in: Rocky I
No kidding, you were in: Walker Texas Ranger [Mr. Norris tried to sell me a TotalGym, I said Frank Stallone doesn’t need no TotalGym. Frank Stallone already has friend named Jimmy.]
Bro helped me get the role in: Everything I've ever done
I killed my agent after: I have an agent?
Kay's take: Proves once and for all that steroid use is genetic.

 

VS

 

Joey Travolta
I know I’ve seen you in: Beverly Hills Cop III
No kidding, you were in: the director’s chair for the ultimate trifecta [I”ve directed movies that star: Shannon Tweed, Gary Busey and C. Thomas Howell].
Bro helped me get the role in: You must mean the role I helped little Johnny get
I killed my agent after: When he called my house asking for Vinnie Barbarino
Kay's take: Few directors can tame the beast inside (blogosphere fave) C. Thomas Howell -- Travolta wasn't one of them.

Isn't Paul Reiser in your bro's show:

Chris Masterson
I know I’ve seen you in: Malcolm in the Middle [Ever wonder why Malcom gets to be in the middle? I mean there were four of us when the show started, it could just have easily been Reese.]
No kidding, you were in: Scary Movie 2
Bro helped get the role in: My Best Friend’s Wedding
I killed my agent after: He put me on a show chock-full of dudes
Kay's take: When your father figure is Tommy Chong, you know things are looking hazy.

 

VS

 

Emilio Estevez
I know I've seen you in: Young Guns [If only Billy the Kid would have made me famous]
No kidding, you were in: Repo Man
Bro helped me get the role in: The Outsiders
I killed my agent after: He wouldn’t allow me to change my name to Gordon.
Kay's take: He taught us all that: "There are several sacred things in this world that you don't ever mess with. One of them happens to be another man's fries. Now, you remember that, and you will live a long and healthy life."

Survivor Series Tournament:

Whoa:

The Baldwins
I know I’ve seen you in: Backdraft, Usual Suspects, Alec and Kim’s wedding movie
No kidding, you were in: The Squid and the Whale, Bio Dome, Alec’s car -- once
Bro helped me get the role in: Flatliners, Threesome, Alec says I’m too fat
I killed my agent after: Fair Game, Flinstone’s Viva Las Vegas, Alec won’t let me talk to Mr. Rosenberg
Kay's take: You know what the worst thing about being a Baldwin is ...

 

VS.

 

The Lawrences
I know I’ve seen you two in: Boy Meets World
No kidding, you two were in: Mrs Doubtfire [Quiet Adam]
Bro helped us get roles in: Blossom
We killed our agent after: He published those pictures of us with Jenna Von Oy
Kay's take: Arguably spent more time on the cover of Tigerland than in front of a camera ... Whoa!

Homey don't like the Frat pack:

The Wayans
I know I’ve seen you in: Last Boy Scout, White Chicks, Scary Movie[s]
No kidding, you were in: The Great White Hype, Requiem for a Dream, Don’t be a Menace to South Central while Drinking your Juice in the Hood
Bro helped me get a role in: In Living Color, In Living Color, In Living Color
I killed my agent after: Blankman, Senseless, he made me work with Kim
Kay's take: Cassevettes, Fondas, Barrymores, Wayans ...

 

VS

 

The Wilsons
I know I've seen you in: Old School, Zoolander [I’m credited as Hansel’s corner guy. My name is Andrew by the way.]
No kidding, you were in: Every chick flick in the past five years, everything my brothers do
Bro helped me get the role in: Bottle Rocket, read above
I killed my agent after: Blue Streak [Quick, name three Martin Lawrence movies where he’s not playing a cop or a robber …], he said I am so hot right now
Kay's take: Never a paycheck the Wilson's could refuse.

Post of the week:

Several things about our boy CT [C. Thomas Howell]:
1. He sometimes goes by the name CT
2. He was named the California Junior Rodeo Association's all around junior boys champion for 1980 and '81.
3. He was in the movie Soul Man, which was always on Comedy Central when we were in college. In case you don't remember, he played a guy that pretended to be black (using shoe polish I think) so that he could get a minority scholarship to Harvard. Best CT Howell movie ever.
-- Wagemonkey