It’s a beautiful Sunday here in South Florida, but I"m indoors kicking it up watching giant ping-pong. Tennis is on and it’s a fairly interesting match between Roger Federer and Ivan Ljubicic. I’m sure all of Kay’s Korner is familiar with the former, as for the latter, well; I’m guessing he’s not an American.

As I sit here, watching Roger Federer take the first set, I can’t help but think to myself how far tennis’ star has fallen. Growing up, tennis was nearly synonymous with soccer in my preppy little world. I played the sport all the way through high school and learned under the tutelage of the Bullis High School tennis coach known simply as "The Colonel." Having a coach with CIA ties makes for good stories, but little backhand improvement.

While most kids were wearing Air Jordans or Grandma-mas, I had the Michael Chang’s, Andre Agassi’s and yes, even the Reebok Pump tennis shoes. So it astonishes me as to how people, including myself, care so little about this racket.

There really isn’t any sport like it. It’s chess or rather, poker with tiny yellow balls. Only parts of other mainstream sports come close to matching its thrill of 1-on-1 matchups. A quarterback-linebacker matchup, a pitcher-hitter, a hockey shootout, a golf playoff, but for the most part tennis has the 1-on-1 thrill monopolized.

And for that reason, it’s no surprise that Pong became the first successful video game and tennis was the catalyst for the Civil Rights movement (along with movies, of course, George Clooney).

The tennis model isn’t broken, it just needs tweaking. And Kay’s Korner is up for the challenge. After all, I’m still a four-handicap.

My plan to enhance tennis isn't revolutionary, just a bit out of the box. Maybe even rebellious ala Andre Agassi 1993.

I was reading an interview in the Sports Business Journal with tennis Hall of Famer Butch Buckholz and he firmly agrees tennis is need of some swift and major changes. Two things he said which caught my attention were the abandonment of the five-set match and firmer ways to distinguish which tournaments are important. Co-ed naked tennis must have been edited out.

Here are my suggestions:

Lord of the Court: This is also known as the Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter rule. It’s as follows: The defending champion of, let’s say, the Legg Mason Tennis Classic (note: shameless D.C. plug), doesn’t play anybody until the final round.

Andy Roddick, the 2005 winner, would sit tight and watch the Johnny Cages, Guiles and E. Hondas battle it out as they win their way to the ‘boss,’ aka last year’s champ. Then the battle-tested James Blake, Ivan Ljubicic or whoever, gets the chance to dethrone Roddick, the M. Bison or Shang Tsung of the tournament. A fatality would of course be the customary way of ending the tournament.

Poll Who is your favorite tennis player?   12%  Yoshi     6%  Princess     18%  Donkey Kong     6%  Forrest Gump     12%  Anna Kournikova     18%  Richie Tenenbaum     18%  Green Pong paddle     12%  Purple Pong paddle     Total Votes: 17

The way it currently is, Roddick has to reenter the tournament and play with all the commoners. What’s the fun in winning if you can’t enjoy the spoils? Roddick could just sit back, be fanned and have grapes periodically dropped in his mouth while all the challengers square off in the hopes of becoming the next Lord of the Court.

Battle of the sexes: There are other tournaments, but the Grand Slams are four of the few stops featuring men and women’s brackets. Kay’s Korner is a big proponent of keeping the two sexes separate -- until the end. Kay’s Korner believes there are obvious physical differences between the sexes, but they can be relatively equalized with the re-introduction of wooden rackets.

The winner of each bracket, let’s use the Australian Open (Roger Federer and Amelie Mauresmo) as an example, would square off in a one set, winner-take-all-match. With only one set to work with, anything can happen. It was the beautiful notion behind the first round of the NBA playoffs when it was a five-game series. Short competitions enhance the ability for variation. And with wooden rackets keeping the service speed down, the men’s lightning-fast serve is controllable and the ball would be more likely to stay in play. Everyone to this day still associates Billy Jean King with Bobby Riggs for one reason -- battle of the sexes. Imagine sitting around with your girlfriend rooting for Marcos Baghdatis just for the singular reason he has a Y chromosome (and of course because his last name sounds like a wicked rash).

I’m gonna get your sucka serve: Sometimes, parents can learn from their children. It’s been proven time after time in the physical transformation genre. Whether it was Charlie and Marshall Seymour in Vice Versa , Chris Hammond and Jack Hammon in Like Father like Son or Tess and Anna Coleman in Freaky Friday , taking a hot minute to see the world through your child's eyes adds perspective.

It’s about time tennis borrowed a variation from it’s child, ping-pong. During the last point of every match, no matter if the player on the verge of winning has serve, it goes to the loser. The loser keeps serve until the player in the lead wins the match via some means other than a double-fault.

If nothing else, it would help lure more Chinese to tennis.

Ump tank: No matter the sport, the persons in charge of officiating (not named Ed Hochuli) tend to get a bad rap. Tennis is no exception. John McEnroe used to threaten the death of every first-born umpire child. Jimmy Connors once placed a bag of flaming poo outside an umpire’s hotel room in London and Richie Tenenbaum had a temper worse than Naomi Campbell.

So let’s take it one more step. For every three miscalls, the umpire, perched in his chair falls into the holding tank of the stars of CBS’ Spring Break: Shark Attack . The cross-promotion would be invaluable. Think twice before calling that foot fault, Gerry Armstrong.

Managers: Wrestling brought us many of the 20th century’s greatest marvels including, but not limited too: the Perfectplex, the Royal Rumble, Razor Ramon's hair and of course, wily managers. Tennis needs a Jimmy Hart, Paul Bearer, Mr. Fuji and Bobby Heenan roaming the sideline causing fits, distracting the umps, slicing slits into tennis balls. Imagine Jimmy Hart driving the butt-end of his megaphone into the head of Federer just before Rafael Nadal unleashes his serve. Good luck getting to that one Rodge. These players shouldn't just be watching the lines; they should be watching their backs!

Tag-team matches: Doubles tennis is quickly becoming a sport solely for geriatrics and (cough) bad Bullis High School tennis players (end cough). If there's one way to improve doubles, it is to make it more like the WWE. Yes, we're diving back into Vince McMahon's realm for this enhancement. Unlike the current version, tag-team tennis would feature 1-on-1 action with the ability to tag in or out after breaking serve. At that point, tag teams would be able to play as 2-on-1 until they lose two points. Of course, tags can be made as long as the umpire isn't looking or is treading water in a shark-infested pool. Hence the importance of managers. It all comes around ...

Name of the week: LSU’s Magnum Rolle. Named after, you guessed it, Magnum P.I. If I were to name my kid after a TV show there would be serious debate between Jefferson (for Jefferson Darcy, not George), Benson and Michelangelo.

Hot Carl: The back-flipping Carl Edwards is to make an appearance on 24 tonight. Things may get spicy. Jack Bauer is a notorious Jeff Gordon fan.

Championship Game Prediction: Ga-tir-done! (Of note: Tip off is at 9:22 p.m. By that time Jack Bauer will have stopped three terrorist attacks, killed 14 bad guys and brought Edgar Stiles back from the dead. Of note 2: The movie A History of Violence was originally called A History of Jack Bauer).

Herbie goes to Tempe: Former Miami University coach Herb Sendek is leaving North Carolina State for Arizona State. My first Miami memory was of Devin Davis in the 1995 NCAA Tournament as he led the No. 12 RedHawks past No. 5 Arizona. Sendek was the coach that year. Swell.

Ocean's 13: Often times Hollywood gets the sequel thing right. Kay's Korner believes The Substitute's story couldn't have been told in less than four installments. The Sand worms of Tremors needed five movies to be eradicated and the Naked Guns could reasonably go on as long as Leslie Nielson's hair stays white. But this Ocean franchise is 11 steps past ridiculous. I'd rather watch Cookie Crisp commercials on an endless loop before I sit down to watch Danny Ocean and company crack a safe in Armani suits. A 24-hour Blue Man Group concert never sounded better.

Reader forum

From Sirloin Shuffle to 'would you like marshmallows with that?'

"It's true that Ickey Woods was selling meat door to door in the Nati. One friend bought some from him. Another friend's mom called the cops on him. Seems a nice little Jewish housewife has concerns when a large black man is knocking on her door during a thunderstorm at night claiming to be selling meat. But I am hear to tell you that Ickey has moved on to bigger and ... well different things. I believe he is coaching football here in the Nati somewhere. But the NFL has most likely helped him land his most recent gig ... selling hot chocolate at Paul Brown Stadium. So he's got that going for him. Which is nice."