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FreeStyle By Mike Freeman
CBS SportsLine.com National Columnist
Tell Mike your opinion!
 
 

Enjoy these sexy and delicious ramblings from the HBIC -- the Head Blogger In Charge.

Bush may have to hand in hardware
Updated: Sep/15/2006 08:30 AM

Hope it was worth it, Reggie.

Hope the $100,000 in graft you and your family allegedly received from agents was worth you possibly losing the Heisman Trophy and your school losing its season.

Because, based on what I read, Mr. Bush, you are caught dead to rights.

Busted, I reckon.

So hope it was worth it.

What does a Heisman Trophy cost these days, anyway?

 
 
Has-beens and never-weres
Updated: Sep/12/2006 08:33 PM

So I'm watching Fear Factor, the most disgusting, loser-magnet show on television. It's the reality show where they eat bugs and do stupid stunts in bathing suits while being set ablaze and dangling from the Empire State Building, held only by a piece of dental floss attached their left testicle.

This is the "celebrity" edition, and by celebrity they mean has-beens from the 1970s like Todd Bridges -- people you thought were long dead or in Attica.

Yes, I'm a loser with no life. We know this.

Anyway, I'm watching Fear Factor and wait, is that G. Gordon Liddy on the show? It is! It is! G. Gordon Liddy is on Fear Factor!

With Todd Bridges.

It's him. It really is him.

From Watergate scoundrel to Fear Factor.

I love this country.

--

The Buccaneers just gave up another touchdown.

--

I'm going to tell you in an upcoming column or blog who are the most obnoxious football fans in all of these United States.

 
 
Pucker up, Deadspin, or something like that
Updated: Sep/08/2006 03:31 PM

The excellent website Deadspin.com ripped me as a Mark Cuban kiss-ass for my blog praising his thoughts on the United States' losing in international play.

I didn't really kiss his butt, though.

I sort of palmed it, squeezed it a bit, maybe gave it a little smooch.

But no tongue.

But wait a second? If I call Deadspin "excellent," am I kissing Deadspin's rear end?

Seems like every e-mail I get claims all I do is rip people, that I'm too harsh and a no good smart-ass. Then Deadspin says I'm a kiss-ass.

I'm horribly confused.

Did I mention that Deadspin is great? ...

There was report that said blacks and Hispanics pay more for mortgages than whites.

No f------ joke, buddy.

My interest rates are so high that I don't mail in a mortgage payment.

I hand it over in cash to a guy named Bruno.

Next thing you know there will be a study that says "Blacks followed more by security personnel while shopping."

 
 
The court of Sir Charles
Updated: Sep/07/2006 01:28 PM

Charles Barkley this week reiterated his desire to run for the governor of Alabama. I say absolutely. I say he should run for president.

In fact, CBS Sportsline has obtained highly classified documents from a secret source that details Barkley's impending presidential cabinet. Enjoy this classified information before I'm thrown in jail for revealing it.

Vice President: Tiger Woods. President Barkley needs a golf partner.

White House Chief of Staff: Pete Rose. President Barkley needs a gambling partner.

Department of Agriculture: Secretary Randy Moss. Proposes a marijuana tax. Also named to Office of National Drug Control Policy.

Attorney General: Marvin Lewis. Unfortunately, following his appointment, four Supreme Court justices are arrested.

Department of Defense: co-secretaries Jack Bauer and Bill Belichick. Bin Laden is toast.

Department of Energy: Shaun Kemp. President Barkley figures if Kemp has the energy to have that many kids, he should be a lock for the job.

Department of State: Harold Reynolds. However, Reynolds sparks worldwide outrage after giving the Queen of England a hug.

Department of the Treasury: Dan Snyder. Plans to erase the deficit by charging every American $18,434.78 each to park in their own driveways.

Department of Transporation: Maurice Clarett. Alters the Bill of Rights to allow Americans the right to drive with Grey Goose in their vehicles. Nicknamed the "Getting your Goose on" amendment.

 
 
Going international -- and paying for it
Updated: Sep/04/2006 08:23 PM

You are about to read some of the smartest analysis from any NBA player, coach or official about why it seems the Americans, when it comes to international basketball play, couldn't beat a foreign team composed of three French Poodles and two third-graders if their lives depended on it.

This is why we stink in international hoops, why we finish in third place despite having delicious NBA stars on the roster, or at least how Dallas owner Mark Cuban sees it. And he's right. He's so right that by the time you are done reading this you will be nodding your head in agreement.

"I can make it easy for you," Cuban said when I asked him to give me 10 steps to make America's international basketball experience more successful -- and less like having a left testicle being hit with a ball peen hammer. "Either we change all levels of basketball in the USA to play by international rules, or we get them to play by U.S. basketball rules.

"I would be willing to bet that if you brought back all the same teams in the final eight and played under NBA rules," Cuban said, "with an NBA ball on an NBA-sized court, we would torch them. The different rules require different skill sets. It's that simple.

"If one set of rules isn't natural to you, you will struggle to adapt," Cuban continued in his e-mail. "We hear it all the time about international players having to adapt to the NBA game. Here the rules are geared towards entertainment, which is a good thing. But if we changed to international rules, we would have a completely different set of stars and teams would be constructed and coached completely differently."

The international teams put more emphasis on pure shooting, for example. They don't care as much about slam dunks. They want to make outside shots, not highlight shows.

Don't stop reading. Cuban is just getting warmed up.

"And as far as wondering why the USA can't dominate the Olympics like the original Dream Teams, there is an easy answer," he said. "We plugged in our NBA stars to play against international teams that had been comprised of non-professionals forever. While at the same time the Soviet Union imploded, so the one team that also was filled with professionals didn't exist any longer."

"Of course the U.S. teams were going to kill any and every team," Cuban continued. "It was our stars against their amateurs. Well, 15 years later, they have had plenty of time to integrate their professionals into their teams. Their national teams not only start playing together much younger, they play together every summer and their players go pro younger. So they have professional players who are now playing together every summer, year after year, for well-funded national teams. On top of that, the top Euro (teams) play against each other. They get friendlies that are competitive. The U.S. team played against creampuffs a couple times before the tournament."

That makes so much sense my head hurts.

Cuban is not trying to diss the Dream Team, but what he says is true. That team did not play a series of pro teams. They played scrubs. It was like the Dallas Cowboys taking on a state college.

Then Cuban says something that at first I don't agree with, but then, after reading what he says, his argument sways me.

"All that said, I personally think that the NBA, from a business perspective, is stupid for letting our players play at all," Cuban explains. "We absorb all the risk and we have gained little if anything from it. Well, that's not completely true. (The) last six to 10 years of international competition have led media to call our players selfish, without basic basketball skills, ugly Americans and worse. This year's team was far better behaved and that's great. But we put ourselves in a no-win, everything-to-lose situation (just ask Memphis). That’s not good business. Ever."

When I tell Cuban that -- to borrow a lame phrase being used about another topic altogether -- refusing to play, instead of fixing the problems, would be cutting and running, he responds: "It's just a financial decision. The Olympics is nothing but a big business. It's not a platform for national pride. They are a competitor for advertising and TV dollars. Lending them our best players is a dumb business decision. It has nothing to do with winning or losing."

The Americans have everything to lose while international clubs have everything to gain. Keeping our NBA players out of it and reengineering the international team to play a more international style might be the best thing to do.

As usual, Cuban makes too much sense.

 
 
Who's Flutie fooling?
Updated: Sep/03/2006 10:10 PM

I am about to pose the most important question from the opening weekend of college football. There is no more vital a query than this.

What, exactly, was that on top of Doug Flutie's head?

Was that his hair? A toupee? The fir slipper that resembles a pudgy squirrel that I lost several years ago?

Just asking.

The former Boston College and pro quarterback was fine as an analyst. It's just that hair kept distracting me. I remember some fine things he was saying about the pass rush of Notre Dame and the high-powered offense, but I forget. I just remember that hair.

Where are my squirrel slippers anyway?

 
 
Let's put it delicately: We're god-awful
Updated: Sep/01/2006 08:50 AM

Let's be honest.

The world is kicking our butt.

In everything sports.

Foreigners rule, other countries dominate and our pride continues to take major hits on all fronts.

We can't say we're the best in any sport. Nada, nothing.

Unless you count the World Series of Poker.

If gorging on double cheeseburgers at McDonald's ever became a sport, we'd dominate.

We're making a mockery of ourselves on fields and courts across the planet and the world is laughing at us.

The United States loses in the World Baseball Classic. We get our rear ends handed to us in the Ryder Club. The best male tennis player isn't American. The heavyweight division is dominated by Russians. Canada would destroy us in hockey.

Do I need to even mention soccer?

Now the Greeks stick it to us in a little sport called basketball that is truly our sport. The disastrous loss comes a short time after a horrific Olympic performance in basketball as well.

What's next? We play the French in the Super Bowl and they beat us 48-0?

Embarrassing.

Get used to it, my fellow Americans.

We suck.

 
 
 
 
 
 
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