Hi. Hello. Congratulations, you found me. And I know why you're here -- it's because of that column you just read. It angered you. So here you are, trying to decipher my motives.

Good luck.

I was born in Hawaii, raised in Oklahoma and Mississippi, went to high school in Wisconsin and Georgia, then attended University of Florida. If you can figure out why I ripped into your favorite team from those clues, more power to you.

Whatever the case, this is my bio, so this is me: I write, fight and read for fun. Walked into an MMA gym to see what it felt like to get choked out, then decided to stick around. Authors? Tried to get into David Sedaris and failed. Tried to get into Jonathan Franzen and succeeded. But my favorites are Chuck Palahniuk at his best, and Matt Taibbi at his worst. And me. I'm underrated.

Come back on Thursdays for that embarrassment to journalism I call Hate Mail, and follow me on Twitter, where my meltdowns are accidental comedy gold.

Personally? I have three dogs, two kids and one wife. And that's none of your business.

As for your original question ... maybe I just don't like your favorite team. Ever think of that?