Get something wrong like I got something wrong, and you're going to hear about it. Deservedly so. And my mistake, where I went wrong, in this story about the first game between Connecticut and Florida -- back in December -- was calling that UConn victory a "fluke."
That implies UConn couldn't possibly win the Final Four rematch, when that wasn't really my point. I don't think. All I know is, I tried to be subtle about it, understatedly calling the Huskies' last-second victory from December "the flukiest fluke that ever did fluke," but some readers don't recognize subtlety.
Anyway, the teams met again in the Final Four, about 36 hours after I wrote my subtle story on flukes, and UConn won again. Demonstrably. And so readers wrote me. Demonstrably. And I had it coming.
Just not from this idiot.
Speaking of subtle … here's Hate Mail.
I note that you wrote me this on Sunday morning, April 6. The day after UConn beat Florida in the Final Four. I wrote that story on Friday, April 4, about 36 hours before tipoff. Where were you for those 36 hours, my bold and daring friend? Washing your hair? Flossing your teeth? Coming up with that crazy-good nickname?
I might read this ["fluke"] story 50 times.
If only you'd put so much time into choosing a nickname, Wolfster. Or Wolfereenie. Or whatever it is you call yourself when you're bro-ing down with the other bros in bro-ville.
How are you still employed?
Not to get all Darren Rovell on you, but I'm not the one wasting my work day writing to a stranger. Maybe I should forward these comments to Charles Shipan at your university your boss. You have a boss, Wolfmeister? You have a job, Wolfrick?
It was the flukiest fluke that ever did fluke.
Ahh. Your job is pestering me. You're doing a heck of a job, Wolfie.
This is five notes in a matter of hours. I'd suggest you spend this time connecting with your friends instead, but I fear you have few meaningful relationships that don't charge you by the hour.
Let's be honest. Have you seen my bracket from this year? The real fluke would've been me getting something right in this tournament.
From: Husky McPoopstain
Suddenly, a bro-tastic name like "Wolferowski" looks downright debonair.
From: KC UConn
The only fluke I see is how a company like CBS can hire a fraud like you. Ok who you related to?
No question, I suck. Well, I sucked the day I wrote that. I've sucked a few other days, too. This one comes to mind. Predictions aren't my thing. Grace isn't yours. We all have our crosses to bear.
From: Shane from Franklinton
Your not very smart Mr. Doyle. The only reason I would watch the Masters is if Tiger is not playing. I refuse to watch hype and coverage of a man that is in 65th place just because he is a different color from the leaders. Wow, talk about being racist.
People who are first to play the race card typically are the most racist people at the table. And look at you, slapping it down like a champ.
From: Tim the Truth Teller
I think it is good that your hate mail segments have been ended. Most of the time, you revealed yourself to be a thin-skinned little sissy who could not endure challenges, questions, or barbs from readers. Of course, it is easy to dish it out, but taking it is an entirely different matter. You're just a white trash crybaby who can't become more than being a silly sportswriter.
Maybe if my skin were thicker, I'd use my real name instead of this obviously masculine, aphrodisiacal alias "Gregg Doyel."
From: Mike Hall
I've read you for a long time now. I really can't decide whether I love or hate your writing style. It's so cocky, but you make it work -- which is so weird, yet kind of awesome.
Aphrodisiac, I tell ya.
From: Fairfield Frank
Finally, your "hate mail" segment has come to an end. It took a long time for your superiors at CBS to recognize how foolish your "hate mail" segment was. It was unbecoming for a man in his mid-40s who also has a teenage son to be spewing out hateful insults toward readers. But you couldn't help it -- you have your Daddy's vicious temper.
It's not over. It'll never be over. And you're damn right, I'm just like my father: Show us a mean-spirited moron, and we're gonna be all over that idiot. Assuming he doesn't hide behind a screen name like Tim the Truth Teller Fairfield Frank.
From: Greg Roman
Did you see this Doyel? Matt Lauer with Dottie Sandusky and John Ziegler. You know what I call it Motor-Mouth? T-H-U-N-D-E-R.
Roman, you emotionally prepubescent stalker, you worship some false, feeble idols. That's your choice, and if you do it from the privacy of your home, it's your secret. But to come here and tell the world? Also your choice. And this is mine: I'll print your emails, because you're like a pothole for everyone else to avoid. Next time, give us all your address please.
From: Vegas Golfer
What crock of crap that CBS is broadcasting every bounce of the ball of MEN'S Basketball but doesn't see the value of broadcasting even the FINAL of Women's NCAA basketball. Until guys like you start writing and persuading the networks that it is in their best interest professionally and morally to show women's sports, we will turn away from anything CBS does.
You realize the women's Final Four was televised by ESPN? Which means CBS can't broadcast it? I see that you're sensitive and all that, but maybe smarten up before you come around these parts and start spewing stupid.